Inlaws

[snoopy18]

In-laws are headed over staying for close to 6 weeks 🤦🏾‍♀️

Baby is almost 10 weeks so they are coming to visit.

Any tips on getting through 6 weeks?

Other half is off for 4 thankfully but isn’t a planner & right now... zero plans 🤦🏾‍♀️

[ShadowsInTheDarkness]

I'm 28 and I couldn't sleep on a blow up mattress for more than a few nights let alone 6 weeks ... hopefully after the first week of the baby waking them up lots at night and having a very uncomfortable nights sleep they will book themselves into a nearby hotel! Failing that I'd go see your mum lots just to get a breather and retreat to your room for all feeds as baby doesn't feed properly with distractions. Also naps. Take lots of naps. God I feel for you OP. I love my inlaws but this would drive me over the edge!

[snoopy18]

Just said to him I don’t want to be leaving baby with them when I’m out as he will come with me & schedules etc wont be changing & I’ll be meeting friends with him etc and he just looked at me as if I’m crazy & said yeah but they want to spend time with him too 🤦🏾‍♀️

[BertrandRussell]

“Just said to him I don’t want to be leaving baby with them when I’m out as he will come with me & schedules etc wont be changing & I’ll be meeting friends with him etc ”

Well yes- but don’t shoot your self in the foot here! Once they and the baby get to know each other, you might like an hour or two to yourself.

[timeisnotaline]

They arrive tomorrow! My in laws did this for 2 weeks when ds was 10 weeks. 3 days in I called dh and told him I wasn’t going to make it, so he told them I needed more space and got them to do a couple of daytrips - see oxford etc (we are london). Tell your dh tonight that if he doesn’t try hard to make it work and tell his parents this kind of thing you and baby will go to your mums as he is letting you down.

[snoopy18]

@BertrandRussell I don’t leave baby with my parents yet so I can’t see myself leaving baby with them

[Rightsaidmabel]

Am I guessing when I think that you and also your husband do very much not want to be unwelcoming?
You'd both like his parents to enjoy their visit,and their grandchild.They won't if you are spending time and enegy fending them off and finding moments of privacy,as you naturally will need to.
Can you not sit your husband down and tell him that hosting his parents for 6 weeks,in a small house,where they have a blow up mattress in an office,where they are having to constantly adjust to the needs of a household with a new baby and a mum who works from home,
is not fair...on THEM ?
They need to be able to enjoy the visit,you have realised they will need space and time for their own routines and to enjoy more than just being grandparents,but visitors to the UK.
You feel an urgent re think is needed for all of you.Have this weekend together ,speak to them, explaining how uncomfortable you have realised this will be for them , you'd hate to have them tolerate this, have the nearest B n B lined up thereafter.They actually can't afford not to! He won't want the inevitable fall out, tell him we have pointed out how reasonable you are to be dreading this.Good luck! the

[snoopy18]

I’ve tried to explain just now he needs to arrange it so they are at their families place when he’s back at work and he’s just like ‘i’ll Try to see what the plan is’ I’m like no that’s not good enough.

[snoopy18]

@Rightsaidmabel exactly that! They’ve said to him they’ll just potter around the house and I’m like no they will not for 6 weeks. It’s not getting through to his head. I would no way invite myself to someone’s place for 6 weeks with newborn it’s awful to put someone in that position in my opinion.

I don’t get his thought process. He just said he can’t exactly say no to them coming for 6 weeks. Initially it was meant to be 4 weeks.

[Contraceptionismyfriend]

Your husband is putting them above you.
Just draw a line and tell him that you will leave the house when you've had enough and will not return with the baby until you feel comfortable

[greenlynx]

2 weeks could work but 6... and I don’t like the idea that even your DH will entertain them. When he’s going to spend time with baby? And how about you? You might need his help and support. He needs to balance his responsibilities, of course they’re his parents but you have newborn.
I won’t survive this, no way. I won’t survive my own parents visiting for 6 weeks. I would say I could do a little bit longer with MIL but it’s probably because there’s no FIL. But in all cases for all relatives 2 weeks are absolute limit. And you have very small space for all of you.
I would be online by now looking for accommodation for them.
I wonder what would be your in-laws expectations? Are there any cultural differences between you and them? It might be the issue.

[snoopy18]

@Contraceptionismyfriend always felt this way so far with few things!

[snoopy18]

Yeah defo a culture thing I feel @greenlynx it’s out of order though - I’m of same bg maybe a generation thing not to mention men are put on pedestals & it’s the wife’s fault if anything goes differently

[MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours]

I ended up a weeping mess when my inlaws descended on me after DS1 was born and that was just a week, but not even a fortnight old.

tbh they didn't do anything they didn't always do, sitting, going out to get the paper, reading the paper, reading the paper out to one another, asking each other if they had seen something in the paper

The weeping started on the third day, burst out everywhere on the fourth and they took the hint and got the hell out of the house for days five and six.

Bad times!

[storynanny]

Well, looking at it from the other side, I cant imagine why they would want to stay for 6 weeks in your house. Im visiting my son and his wife soon in the Far East for 2 weeks and doing one week with them and their one year old and one week in a nearby hotel. Wouldnt dream of invading their space for more than a week and I also want to be able to wander around in my dressing gown! Its so unfair on you and your new baby, they should realise that.

[Summerorjustmaybe]

Seems to me your dm would like to see you for the weeks dh isn't around......

[Vuyo85]

I'm a South African and very curious to know which culture in-laws would stay for 6 weeks?
I really fee, for you OP

[Vuyo85]

*feel

[snoopy18]

I would be the same as you to be honest

[snoopy18]

I would be the same as you @storynanny

[snoopy18]

@MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours feel like this might happen to me he doesn’t seem to get it at all even now

[snoopy18]

@Summerorjustmaybe defo have to up my going out whilst he’s at work if they don’t plan any trips for during that time

[snoopy18]

@Vuyo85 British Indian ..

[MusaMama]

Omg snoopy u have my sympathies. I dont know how u are breathing right now. Dont let this ruin ur first few weeks with ur little one or allow this to cause tension between u and ur OH. This is a precious time for the three of you. My advise to you is display a change of heart in the initial two weeks of their stay. Show ur OH u are positive and welcoming etc. Then just before he goes back to work start working on sending ur in laws to the relatives. A positive happy attitude will get ur husband to drop his guard and communicate with you. Also ur in laws will not blame u when they are shipped out for a few weeks. Finally if for whatever reason they do stay on the full 6 weeks, and if u do end up falling out with them, ur OH will probably say “You didnt even want them to come and stay” and look to blame you. Worst case scenario, go to your mothers for short regular stays throughout the 6 weeks. Say ur mum needs to spend time with baby too. Goodluck x

[JMoore]

6 weeks on a blowup mattress... Who would want to do that? With any luck they will quickly realise just how uncomfortable that is and look for alternative accommodation.

Whatever you do, do not give up your own bedroom to them!

[Vuyo85]

I really have no advice, but you have my sympathies! All my sympathies!!!!!