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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

658 replies

Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 06:35

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do Sad

OP posts:
InProgress · 13/02/2019 06:39

Better to go back home and start from scratch with your parents support than be with a blackmailing, controlling man.

If you stay and have your baby with him he can marry someone else anyway. It will also be much much harder to leave once your baby is here as he will threaten to take them from you if you leave.

Now is the time to go OP Flowers

Singlenotsingle · 13/02/2019 06:41

So he'll marry someone else, will he? And he can do this whether you're already married to him or not, because the law allows polygamy? You don't want to be married to him anyway do you, living presumably in one of the Middle Eastern countries? Get out and come home! Hopefully you've got family here to help. They must be very worried about you!

AwsomeName · 13/02/2019 06:42

Go home!

WhoGivesADamnForAFlakeyBandit · 13/02/2019 06:43

Well he sounds like a real catch. Why not stay and be miserable with two children while he holds this over you and threatens you with it every time you disagree with him? And you will never be ale to leave once his child is born as he'll never agree to that.

Or come home now, while you can, with nothing except your children and your dignity, and start again.

ltk · 13/02/2019 06:46

I would say that less than a year really isn't enough time to 'settle' into a whole new country, and I'd ask about your prospects for work and making friends, and about schooling. I'd ask about the discussions that have happened between you two about where to live and point out that you are threatening to take his children to a whole different country and I can kinda see why that would upset him.

However, he threatened to marry someone else. If he really meant that, and it wasn't just something he shouted out in an unthinking rage, then I think you need to head back to the UK.

How will it wotk out with the dc seeing Dad?

adelias · 13/02/2019 06:47

If someone was going to do that and had that attitude no way I would be staying with him. What a disgusting man. His loss!

hugoagogo · 13/02/2019 06:49

You're getting good advice here, I suggest you take it.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 06:51

Thanks for the replies.

I feel so bad taking our daughter and unborn child away from him, I do love him and he says he loves me but how can he if I'm so disposable.
My family don't know everything I've just told them I'm coming home to have the baby. DH doesn't realise how difficult it is when you have a baby, I have no support here from family or friends and will be giving birth in the height of summer so 45 + degrees.

At first I told him I wanted to go just to have the baby but now I know I won't come back. I just can't wait to get home.

OP posts:
7yo7yo · 13/02/2019 06:51

Go home ASAP and NEVER return.

PersonaNonGarter · 13/02/2019 06:53

Please keep posting.

Have you got your passport and your daughters? Find them NOW and hide them somewhere (no, not in your suitcase).

ltk · 13/02/2019 06:54

Is he a UK national or a national of the country you are in?

snowbear66 · 13/02/2019 06:55

Don't live somewhere you are unhappy with for the rest of your life.
He might marry another woman anyway somewhere down the line.
Think where you want your children to be brought up.

dimdarkashian · 13/02/2019 06:56

What a horrible way to threaten you. LEAVE.

ArfArfBarf · 13/02/2019 06:57

Are you sure you can legally bring his daughter back to the UK without his permission? No question that you would be happier in UK if that’s his attitude but just check your legal rights first.

TeddyIsaHe · 13/02/2019 06:57

Get out!! Seriously, don’t waste your life being unhappy for the sake of a bloody man. Yes it will be hard, but you and your kids deserve you to be happy and whole and not threatened with your ‘d’h marrying someone else if you disagree with him!

Leave.

AuntieCJ · 13/02/2019 07:00

Lucky escape.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 07:01

I understand what you're saying itk and it makes me feel like the worst person in the world to leave him and take the children.
DD is in school (I actually changed her age on the OP to make it less identifiable Blush
He did really mean it as I keep asking him to reconsider and let us just go back to the Uk and him join us when his job ends or for him to find a new job in the UK.
I don't know how it will go with him seeing the children, I would bring them here in the holidays no problem and he could come over i guess. He still has family in the UK and is British born.

OP posts:
tabulahrasa · 13/02/2019 07:02

But if you’re a few weeks pregnant and leaving soon, you’re not leaving to have the baby, you’re just leaving him?

BertrandRussell · 13/02/2019 07:02

Whatever you do, don’t tell him you’re not intending to go back. Tell him you’ll be back after the baby’s born.

AnyFucker · 13/02/2019 07:02

Are you allowed to take your dd out of the country without his permission ?

BertrandRussell · 13/02/2019 07:04

And make sure you have your passports well hidden, preferably on you at all times.

adaline · 13/02/2019 07:05

Like a PP said if you're married and your daughter is at school over there it might not be as easy as just leaving. Please make sure you know your legal rights and whether you can actually take his daughter and leave without his permission.

Sadly this is one of the big risks associated with moving abroad - lots of women end up trapped overseas because they cannot legally take their children back to their home countries without permission.

Original poster
Changedforthis000 · 13/02/2019 07:05

Yes I can bring our daughter home, unless he we're to put a ban on her traveling which I know he wouldn't

OP posts:
PersonaNonGarter · 13/02/2019 07:07

WHERE IS YOUR PASSPORT AND DDS?

adaline · 13/02/2019 07:07

Are you sure OP? Lots of threads have come up on here before where women have been completely stuck overseas because they're not allowed to go back home as it would take their children away from their fathers.

Please, please make sure you can do this as you don't want to end up stuck in the UK with one child while your eldest is made to go back with her father because he's accused you of kidnapping or parental alienation.

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