DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

Why would he need to cancel your residency visa before you leave? Surely you can fly out with your residency visa intact, then simply choose not to return. Or cancel the visa at the country's embassy in the UK.

Don't give him your passport dont get the residency visa cancelled until you are back in the uk.thats if it even needs to be cancelled at all.

And FGS don't allow him to take your passports. He doesn't need to 'cancel the visa' - it will cancel itself if you don't go back.

I will try and find out re. Cancellation of the visa. I think he wants to do it so he can get the deposit back. No it doesn't need cancelling every time we leave the country.

Come back. Hope that bit goes smoothly

Him saying he needs the passports to cancel the visas is very worrying. Do not let him have the passports. You could be trapped. You are wearing rose-tinted spectacles saying "he would never do that" of things that many men have done, who were equally good at appearing charming and lovely. You have no proof that this isn't all a front. You have some evidence that he us a misogynist who doesn't actually care about your wellbeing.

You need to work on the assumption that his aim is to trap you and the kids in that country with no right to escape. That may be a false assumption but no harm will be done if you operate on that assumption and act accordingly. Very very much harm will be done if you are too trusting.

I've been an expat for 10+ years and I've never been in a country that requires you to submit your passport to cancel your visa in advance. And in any case he doesn't need to cancel your visa at all as you're still his wife and child for now.

If he's said he needs your passports for this he is lying, he may be doing it to prevent you and/or your DC from going.

Don't give him the passports.

OP - he KNOWS or suspects that you will never return. Hence the 'I'll get married again' comments/threats.

I'm betting my house that he will stop this right now. By denying you your passports, or making other threats to keep you there.

Stop trusting him.

Exactly what @JaesseJexaMaipru said. Work on the assumption he’s going to make it impossible for you to leave, and don’t give him anything at all that could prevent you.

op, do not give him the passports- he doesn't need them, he is lying.

Don't let him near your passports, please.

You won't get the passports back if you give them up him tomorrow, and that's why he is being so complaisant about you leaving next week. I would also be anxious about turning up at the airport without it in writing from him that you have his permission.

Is he also a citizen of the country you are living in?

Very worried now about giving him the passports. I am just awaiting a reply from a support group of expat mums here on whether he needs to cancel the visas for a deposit refund or anything.

Deposit for what?

i think people are being a little hasty about the cancelling visa thing, in some ME countries I think it is expected that you cancel your residency visa before you leave. Also, if he cancels you and your dds visa he can’t turn round and say that you took her without his permission.

Deposit the Visa fee

*for the visa fee

I wonder if that's why he is being so calm? Because he's planning on grabbing your passports? I'll add to the don t give him your passports chorus.

I would agree to stay/come back, play nice and tell him you are going back to the UK for one last visit to see your family, and then never ever go back.
I am worried about your safety op.

Don't wait for that. Call and get the information directly from the source. I've been an expat for years now and what he's saying to you sounds very fishy.

Do not give him your passport under any circumstances (or your child’s) how can you trust him now?

If it's Saudi, the residence permit is withdrawn before you leave the country. It's sponsored by your husbands work. It should be replaced by an exit stamp. I believe your husbands work will have to confirm this also.

We are not sponsored by his work bunny he paid for the visas himself so we are sponsored by him.
And not Saudi but not far.

People need to stop being alarmist about countries they know nothing about. They don't even know WHICH country! Visa procedures are very different in the Middle East.

DO NOT GIVE HIM THE PASSPORTS.

Don’t. You must keep them. You cannot risk being stuck there. Come home. Tell him you’ll go back, do not let him know it’s over until you are firmly back here and preferably settled a bit.
I’m an expat - I’ve seen this go down several times. Get home, then tell him it’s over and do not give him the passports.

If he’s taken them, contact the embassy.