DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

Thank you Mandala I will take a look. I know what you mean, if I was reading this as it was happening to someone else I would wonder what the hell was wrong with the poster. It's so hard to see that when it's happening to you I'm just a complete mess.

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I don’t mean to be offensive but if you take the kids to the UK and don’t return you are essentially depriving your DH from a relationship with the children; which is just as bad as if he stopped u leaving

Honey, if you stay and have that baby you may never get home. That baby is his too, his country will give priority to that baby staying where it is, it will also be a citizen of the country.

You must leave now before it is too late to fly.

You will most probably need permission from him to leave the country, if your child is travelling without their father. You are bound to get stopped at passport control and asked for signed documents from the father. Better be well prepared.

Just bring your flight forward and leave. The only thing that counts is getting home. The rest can be sorted out afterwards.

DoingMyBest2010 Even as a British national?

It's so hard to see that when it's happening to you

Yes it is. Don't be harsh on yourself. It is easy to see the cold hard daylight of other people's situations, but a lot harder when it is your own.

I would bet my bottom dollar that he is intending to cancel the passports this morning. Not the visas.

Keep the passports on you at all times. Do not trust him with them (or anything else for that matter) ever again.

He is showing you who and what he really is, so listen to him, and never trust him ever again.

You got married over there.... so he’s trying to integrate in the country and live there long term?? I take it you had to as having a child unmarried in a ME country means having sex and is often and imprisonable offence.

Are you saying the mortgage free house is over there?

@izekiah
The father is a British citizen, he could come back to the UK and have a relationship with his kids.

Please don’t trust what he says to you and don’t bring your children back to see him if you manage to get out. Especially if the baby turns out to be a boy. Tell him that you’ve changed your mind. Say that as the tickets are already booked you may as well go and see your family but you’ll come back to be with him because you love him too much. Ask him to book return flights. Don’t give him your passport. Tell him that you don’t want him to cancel your visa because you are coming back. Say you are sorry and blame it on hormones. Then get on that flight and never come back. Take your marriage certificate with you and initiate divorce proceedings in the the UK. When you get here make sure you enrol yours into school, register with GP etc straight away. You don’t owe him anything after the way he has behaved. Don’t underestimate what he may do to you.

Please take steps to prevent him from discovering these conversations.

It is so sad he cannot see how much you obviously love him to have gone there in the first place.

Expat for 15+ years. Also in the UAE. No you do not have to hand in your passport to cancel visa. There is no deposit that is returned.

Please ask your family for help before handing the passports over.

Exactly what Racecardriver said.

Don't give him the passports!

Sorrry my post needs adjustment I assumed because he was able to marry someone else he was a citizen of that country, so the new baby won’t necessarily be a citizen. It will make it harder for you to leave though once those children are settled.

I would still go though. Absolutely. I am not sure why his career trumps your MH and happiness to the extent he is threatening to marry again. This is not the way to go.

DoingMyBest2010 and Genevieva - not necessarily. When DS was first born, we lived in the Middle East with DH who was our sponsor, and regularly flew between the UK and ME with DS on my own until we returned to the UK permanently. I carried a letter from DH confirming that he knew that I was travelling with DS alone, but was never asked for it either when travelling out of the ME or the UK (in fact, was never asked any questions and don't know anyone who has been - it's pretty common for expat mothers to travel often and alone with the children).

Peroy even if sponsored by husband and not company?

Do not give him your passport.

Wait until he goes to work, then get on the phone and change your flight to the next available one and head straight to the airport and leave.

This board is full of women who would have sworn blind - just like you - that their partners and husbands "wouldn't do that". Well, they did.

Protect yourself and your children.

As others have said though, while the passport is necessary for processing your visa, haven't heard of it being required for cancelling the visa so I wouldn't hand it over - to be honest, depending on where you are, then I wouldn't cancel it and just tell him that you want the option of coming back. Similarly, never heard of a "visa deposit" - you just pay a fee for issue of the visa.

I've never needed a letter from him to leave the country just dds birth certificate

Any man who tries to control you like this needs removing from your life. That's not how couples work. He's immature. Move back knowing that you're way way better off with him out of your life

OP - does it matter? Think about it logically; if it was a requirement to hand over a passport to get a visa cancelled, then companies would need this as well, wouldn't they?

He's lying to you.

Babies born abroad , even to British citizen parents, do not necessarily retain the right to pass British citizenship on to their children. You need to be ordinarily resident in UK to access free nhs maternity care. I am also suspicious about the visa cancellation, if he thought there was any future for you together he would be in no rush. How does he plan to remarry without divorcing you ? He sounds extremely controlling and has made you dependent on him.