DH says if I go home he will marry someone else

[Changedforthis000]

This sounds like it’s made up, I wish it was! Have namechanged too btw.

My head is all over the place so please bear with me!
I am currently a few weeks pregnant and want to have the baby in the UK. We (me and 5 year old daughter) moved to a country outside of the UK in June and have not settled in well at all. DH has been here on and off for 3 years and we have made do with visits etc. DH doesn’t agree to me leaving and having the baby in the UK, he said if we leave he will marry someone else as he doesn’t want to go back to the UK. I have booked flights to go home soon and he said I’m making the biggest mistake of my life, I don’t care about our children if I take them back to the UK etc.

I don’t know what I’m posting for I just don’t have anyone in real life to talk to as I’m so embarrassed that he he would say he’ll marry someone else (I’ve no doubts he will do this and is not just making empty threats) this country allows polygamy. I will basically be going home to my parents house with nothing and don’t know what I’m going to do

People need to stop being alarmist about countries they know nothing about. They don't even know WHICH country! Visa procedures are very different in the Middle East.

No one is being alarmist but OP needs to independently verify if what she's being told is true. And if it is true, she needs to attend the appointment and take the passports back into her own hand herself.

Op, you have next to no rights in the Middle East. Be very careful. He may be playing nice now, but you can’t trust him. The man you loved does not exist, if he is so ready to replace you and be so cruel in telling you so when you are pregnant.

Hold the line that you are intending to return to him. You need to safely make it out of the country.

I'd wait to find out what the other expat women say. This maybe totally normal. I wouldn't want it to stop you leaving just because Mumsnet Sharon from Essex says so. You do need to be cautious but it doesn't sound like he's particularly concerned about you staying to be honest.

Gosh this is awful-keep your passports on you at all times-he will stop you leaving if you do

Email this group they will hopefully be able to guide you in what to do
www.southallblacksisters.org.uk/

Is be inclined to contact the embassy now for advyand assistance. Where was your elder child born and is she a citizen/ does she have the ability to become a citizen of the country that you’re in?

I would work on the basis that you don’t know him as well as you think you do. You’re shocked by what he’s said about taking another wife, so you need to be prepared that he may try and prevent you leaving or keep the children with him. All bets are off at this stage.

Do not give him your passports. Get home before you do anything else.

Not read thread but leave as soon as you can. Similar to you, I went with what my husband wanted in terms of where we live rather than what I wanted because I allowed myself to be manipulated and controlled by him. Huge mistake. Guess what? Things don't get better if you give men like this what they want - they get worse.

He's shown you who he is. This is what your life will be if you stay.
Get out, for the sake of your kids and yourself.

You have your parents to go to. That is a HUGE resource in your favour. If I had that I would be laughing.

I will admit to not knowing anything about visas or how they work but I would not be giving him your passports.

If he is threatening to marry someone else; doesn't want you to leave to have the baby in the UK and is on dating sites, then he is not someone you can trust to protect you or your interests.

I'd say its vital that you go home, with your daughter ASAP and have the baby in UK.

Then take kegal advice. Do you/he have any assets in UK?

Yes oldest was born in the UK and we are in a country that even if our new baby was born here he/she would take British citizenship as this country does not give out citizenship to non nationals

Say you have changed your mind and you will just go and see your parents, then come back. That way you don't need to cancel your visa, so you can keep your passports. My suspicion is that, if the visa can be cancelled, this is done at the UK embassy anyway.

If he doesn't have nationality for his current country of residence, the he cannot marry bigamously. Is he a dual national? Also, is your marriage a legal one, or just a nikah? The reason I say 'just' is that it is possible to be both legally and religiously married or to just have had the religious marriage, in which case you are not married in the eyes of the law and you cannot benefit from much of the protection that legal marriage offers.

Whatever you do when you speak to these expat women, frame it as though you’re worried he is trying to block your return, not that you’re wanting to leave for good.

Good luck

He could absolutely be telling the truth about the visas. You are all UK citizens with no ties to the country. I don't think he'll have a great case to keep you there and it seems he wants you to go so that he can find a new woman and start again. Not every man is looking to kidnap the children - lots want nothing to do with them at all. Sad, but true.

A notarised letter from him giving his permission for you to travel would be best.

I mean, be cautious, yes. Get advice from the UK embassy and other expats. Maybe go with him to cancel the visas and keep hold of the passports yourself.

We got married in a court here and I don't understand a word of the marriage certificate (he does) so I have no idea. He is able to marry here again although it wouldn't be allowed if he came back to the uk. I have no assets in the UK he has a house mortgage free and he has inheritance. I'm financially screwed but I'm really not bothered I just want to go now. I know I will be ok eventually.

There really cannot be any legitimate reason why he needs your passports

Bring your flights forward and get the hell out of there x

can you tell him you will come back so not to cancel the Visa then just not come back?

Flights are booked for less than a week away so by this time next week hopefully I will be home

Definitely tell him you’ll be back. The advice above about framing it in the expat group as coming back and worried he will block your return is good. People gossip.

Come back to the Uk and have your baby.

OP, you are being extremely naive!

Why did you not obtain a certified translation of your marriage certificate? It could say anything. You need to protect yourself and your DD.

Please listen to the advice you are getting here.

OP i don't mean to be rude but your naivete is astonishing.

Please watch the movie "Not without my daughter" about a lovely, caring, "he-wouldn't-do-it-to-me" American husband and father who changed completely once their family went for what was meant to be a short visit to his birth country. Please watch it.

I posted in the expat group anonymously and it is based on a different region so I don't think Ive got any worries there. And I doubt he would believe me if I say I'm coming back

DO NOT GIVE HIM YOUR PASSPORTS. GET OUT ASAP. Can you bring your flights forward? This is very worrying, as the other poster said, people gossip. Please do not stay. Keep us posted.

You are making the best decision to go home I hope you are safe there x