I know it's just a word. ....but it upsets me

[Crackers1428]

Just canvassing opinions really.

My DP will often call me a c* - this is usually how disagreements start in our house.

I know it's just a word and given how often he uses it it probably shouldn't upset me but for some reason it really does lately.

I should add that I swear often although I don't use that word and don't really direct that kind of language at him in arguments. I grew up in a home where that kind of language was normal so I'm surprised that it's suddenly bothering me.

Obviously I have asked him to to use that language towards me, especially in front of the children but it falls on deaf ears.

I suppose I just want to see if I need a bit of a thicker skin or if this is really something that people won't tolerate?

Sirry for rambling, if you got this far, thank you for reading!

That’s verbal abuse.

He sounds horrible.

Absolutely unacceptable for your partner to call you that. That's disgusting

Do you mean the c word as in c**t?!!

Not acceptable. At any time.

Not acceptable

My DP has never raised his voice or sworn at me

Your partner sounds horrible

I have been with my dh 26 years and he has NEVER sworn at me.
It's disgusting and disrespectful and awful and would be a total deal breaker for me.
I couldn't be with someone who treated me so badly.

OMG that’s awful. If my DH ever called me that he would be shown the door!

Yeah wouldn't be ok with that at all. My DH or myself have never called eachother names when arguing, that word in particular is nasty

That would be a deal breaker for me. It shows a total lack or respect, courtesy or consideration for your feelings.

If you had children, would you like them to hear your dp calling you that? Would you want them to think it’s ok?

Also meant to say I have been married for 34 years and have never heard him even use that word!

Mine uses it too despite me telling him how much it hurts me. I totally understand

Sorry for typo, yes I do mean the C word!

I think because he uses it quite a lot (not just to me) I kind of didn't take it too personally, and this kind of language was thrown around a lot in my family home so I think I was a bit de- sensitised to it!

Senior - we do have two young DC, he used it again in front of them this morning 😱

Swearing is one thing. Exclamations. I'm a swearer, but not in front of DC.

Sweating AT someone. No. Just never. Calling you a nasty name, any name, whether it's cunt, bitch, nag, whore, cow, whatever. Not acceptable.

He is abusive. Why are you questioning his behaviour? You need some self respect and boundaries. But I expect he has eroded these over time, hasn't he?

The word ‘cunt’ isn’t the issue, it’s the fact that you hate being called it (or any names) and he’s doing it anyway. That shows total disrespect for your feelings and boundaries. The way you put it Obviously I have asked him to to use that language towards me, especially in front of the children but it falls on deaf ears. makes it sound like you’re being very meek and mild in asking him if he’d mind terribly not calling you a cunt. If my OH asked me not to do something that bothered him I wouldn’t do it.

You may have to make this your line in the sand and tell him if he does it ever again you’re done cos you can’t be with someone who is so hateful towards you. Are you willing?

Yeah if my husband called me a cunt i would not have to post about it in here, you'd all hear me shouting and he'd never try it again,

It's appalling, if it doesn't stop even after being told then you can see how much he cares about your feelings.

And to do it in front of the children. Jesus wept. Whatare you both teaching rhem?

I’ve never even heard my husband say that word let alone call it anybody!!!
You can’t be treated like this.. you deserve so much better!

He calls you a cunt in front of your kids?

I feel sorry for you, but more sorry for them really.

There’s two issues here, he’s calling you a word which you have repeatedly told him upsets you, and he’s ignoring you, plus he’s using the C word in front of your children! What happens when they repeat this at nursery/school??

Both of these things are awful. Have a serious word with him, reiterate he has to stop doing this or there will be series consequences for your marriage.

Do you call him names?

by sweating, I of course meant swearing. Obv my phone is censoring me

Must confess I was mildly amused reading all the replies, how horrified they are. I'm a guy, never use the word at anyone, let alone a woman. But what amuses me are the people I know who use it rather frequently are all women.

If it bothers you, and he knows it bothers you, and he still does it, you've got a problem.

Why can't he stop? Why won't he stop? Key questions.

Completely unacceptable and extremely disrespectful. Do not allow yourself to be spoken to in such a disgusting way. We get what we allow.

I have a very "colourful" vocabulary but would never speak to a loved one is such a way. There is simply no excuse for such abuse.

I don't use that word or any others towards him.

Ironically, my mum called him a cunt four years ago and I completely cut her off and haven't spoken to her since.

Yes I think this will have to be my line in the sand as I would be absolutely mortified if either of my children ever repeated it or thought it was ok to call their partner that.