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Original poster

I know it's just a word. ....but it upsets me

168 replies

Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 12:35

Just canvassing opinions really.

My DP will often call me a c* - this is usually how disagreements start in our house.

I know it's just a word and given how often he uses it it probably shouldn't upset me but for some reason it really does lately.

I should add that I swear often although I don't use that word and don't really direct that kind of language at him in arguments. I grew up in a home where that kind of language was normal so I'm surprised that it's suddenly bothering me.

Obviously I have asked him to to use that language towards me, especially in front of the children but it falls on deaf ears.

I suppose I just want to see if I need a bit of a thicker skin or if this is really something that people won't tolerate?

Sirry for rambling, if you got this far, thank you for reading!

OP posts:
OldWomanSaysThis · 11/12/2018 12:57

Your children are growing up in the same type of home you did and they will be desensitized to it like you are - and on and on the abuse cycle will go.

I have never heard anyone at all call someone the C word in real life - no one ever. I would walk out the door if someone said that to me - never to return again.

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:03

Thank you all for taking the time to reply, I appreciate it.

I will discuss it tonight.

It's odd really, I can't imagine he ever heard this kind of language between his parents when he was growing up (they've been happily married nearly 40 years, very respectful of one another) I've no idea where it comes from!

OP posts:
AutumnCrow · 11/12/2018 13:04

OP Was there other stuff going on with your mum? That seems a big decision to make about her, given your DP is far from perfect.

Did he encourage you to be estranged from your mum?

VietnameseCrispyFish · 11/12/2018 13:05

maximumcarnage I think the fact that the word is ‘cunt’ is a red herring really. It could be ‘idiot’ and the issue would be the same, her husband is calling her names she’s asked him not to. The rest is background noise.

Plenty of people use the word cunt in day to day language. It isn’t a word with special power.

SandyY2K · 11/12/2018 13:07

My H never says it. Neither do I. It's a horrible word IMO.

It would be a dealbreaker for me. It's clearly not for you.... and he knows it.

category12 · 11/12/2018 13:09

Wow. You shouldn't put up with verbal abuse like that.

peekyboo · 11/12/2018 13:09

If he said it like all the other swear words you might not care as much - maybe this is why it used to matter less? It sounds like now he's properly calling you names and with a tone that directs it right at you? So it could be the nasty intention that bothers you more than the word.

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:10

Yes other stuff was going on with my mum, it was the right decision, he wasn't even there when the fallout happened.

OP posts:
Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:12

Peeky - I think it's started to bother me as I told my best friend about one of these incidents and she was absolutely horrified, I was ashamed to be so much of a walkover in her eyes, hugely embarrassed.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/12/2018 13:13

But what amuses me are the people I know who use it rather frequently are all women

Well that's lovely for you. I'm assuming these women call their husbands cunts in front of their children, hence your post?

BundyLancroft · 11/12/2018 13:14

OP, have you considered that in fact your mum may have got the measure of him way before you? If you even have yet.

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:15

Bundy, yes, I think it takes one to know one.

OP posts:
DontCallMeCharlotte · 11/12/2018 13:16

Is this during arguments are just day to day casual talk?

ChristmasRaven · 11/12/2018 13:20

Deal breaker for me I'm afraid. It's a venomous word when directed at someone and I wouldn't stand for it. The fact he's done it in front of the children is even worse. If you let them think that this is ok, you are storing up big problems for the future.

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:20

Don'tcallmecharlotte - during arguments, usually as a reaction to something that I've said that he's perhaps misinterpreted. Eg this morning DS was crying, DP said to DS 'i can't go to work with you crying like this' so I said to DP 'just go' - I meant it as in don't worry I will deal with it. Then I got 'fuck off you cunt' 😱

OP posts:
BundyLancroft · 11/12/2018 13:22

OP, you've got bigger problems in your relationship than jusdy name calling. It's a symptom. You know this already, don't you?

I think it's time to face up to it.

And Flowers because you'll need your strength to do this.

thegreylady · 11/12/2018 13:22

I have rarely, in all my 74 years, heard that word said to or about anyone. What a foul excuse for a man he is.
When I was teaching I did overhear a group of 15 year old girls use it and told them that, as long as they used a name for a private part of their body as a swear word, they were demeaning themselves and all women.

Shallowshallow · 11/12/2018 13:23

My exes sister used that word. It made my skin crawl. It's just horrible. I wouldn't stand for it.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2018 13:24

Oh that's awful op. You need to put a astop to that immediately. What did you do when he said that.

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:27

Bundy - yes, I think I've known for a while. I've just got bogged down in trying to fix the small, individual incidents and parts of the relationship.

OP posts:
MargoLovebutter · 11/12/2018 13:27

I suspect there are far greater issues here than your DP calling you a cunt.

Like some other posters have said, cunt is not a word with special powers. If he called you a vagina, it would just sound ridiculous. What is disturbing here is that he is using the word as a term of abuse - particularly if he says "Fuck off you cunt" and says that in front of the children.

I imagine that this is not the only way he is abusive Crackers1428?

Would you consider calling Women'sAid - 0808 2000 247 and having a chat with them?

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:29

Bluntness - he walked out of the door without giving me a chance to react and I carried on getting the children ready for school.

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 11/12/2018 13:30

It's not just the fact he calls you a cunt, he told you to fuck off, in front of the kids, in retaliation for nothing. It's abusive.

Bluntness100 · 11/12/2018 13:32

I'm not sure you didn't have a chance to react, it's instinctive and should have been quicker than him being able to leave. As in immediate.

But sit him down tonight and talk to him, and make it clear this stops and stops immediately.

How can you live with someone who does this to you?

Original poster
Crackers1428 · 11/12/2018 13:33

Margo - yes I will consider it. I think because my family life growing up was similar I have just accepted this as very low level and not important.

OP posts:
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