Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

My boyfriend donated sperm

233 replies

Kala101 · 19/04/2018 19:58

Hi I'm looking for some advice as I'm in a crisis state. I met my boyfriend almost a year ago. He told me two months in that he had donated sperm to a sperm bank. Recently we've become serious and I've been so disturbed by this aspect of his past, although he has reassured me that he only sees those offspring as genetic links not a family.

I really want to have kids with the right person and have my own family. I feel this would be so disruptive to a future family. I also feel jealous and disgusted that his sperm was inside these women. I'm too emotional about this.

OP posts:
BoneyBackJefferson · 19/04/2018 19:59

I'm too emotional about this.

Yes you are.

midnightmisssuki · 19/04/2018 20:02

what's your issue with this?

Original poster
Kala101 · 19/04/2018 20:03

He's not going to meet them until they're 18 in any case which is 15-16 years from now but I do find the numbers very disturbing. I feel that no one would create so many children naturally in this day and age in the Western world and this is so unethical that this is happening. The 10 family limit is very disturbing as it means there might be 20 potential half-siblings, I even hate to use the words 'sibling' or 'father' in this context. I love him but I've been thinking of breaking up with him and it's been really hard.

OP posts:
Realhousewifeofessex · 19/04/2018 20:03

You need to get over yourself. He has done a good thing and you are very silly.

AnduinsGirl · 19/04/2018 20:03

Your attitude is massively unreasonable. He's done a wonderful thing - helping people who otherwise wouldn't be able to have children.
I also feel jealous and disgusted that his sperm was inside these women.
You do realise he's probably also had his cock inside other women?!

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/04/2018 20:04

For goodness sake there is nothing wrong with what he's done. You have no idea whether the treatments were even successful.

pannikin · 19/04/2018 20:04

Pretty sure I've read a very similarly worded thread on here before, right down to being 'I feel so disturbed' Confused

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/04/2018 20:05

Meet them????? You don't even fucking know if the treatment was successful.

Has he even asked you to marry him and have his kids?

Scrabblingforsanity · 19/04/2018 20:05

AnduinsGirl, I just actually spat my tea out when I read that 😂😂😂

Lovesagin · 19/04/2018 20:06

You should break up with him op, he deserves better than this

MyKingdomForBrie · 19/04/2018 20:06

I think you need to talk to a professional about these intrusive thoughts. It’s really not normal to be jealous of your boyfriends sperm cells..

CarpetMothsFuckOff · 19/04/2018 20:06
Biscuit
Namethecat · 19/04/2018 20:07

I think you should be commending him. He has given women the possibility of becoming a mother. It's obviously not 100% certain there are children of his walking this world but even if there is it is unlikely they will impact of your life. We're you a virgin when you met him. And if you split up will you not sleep with anyone else to ensure you have not received any sperm from another man?

Lovemusic33 · 19/04/2018 20:07

Lots of men donate sperm, I don’t see the problem? Chances are he won’t end up with loads of 18 year olds knocking on his door, chances are no one will ever come looking for him. Donating sperm doesn’t make him a father to these children.

Original poster
Kala101 · 19/04/2018 20:08

Yes his donations have led to children but I can't bear to find the number.

And yes we have discussed marriage and kids many times. All he wants is a family of his own. He says those offspring are like rest of the people out there for him and he feels nothing about it. He does talk a lot about having 3 or 4 kids with me and parenting and raising them together.

It's hard for anyone to understand how I feel and it's very hard to find someone in the same situation.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/04/2018 20:09

How do you know his donations have led to children? How? The whole thing is anonymous.

Lovesagin · 19/04/2018 20:10

You're weirdly protective over this dudes sperm. Best to end it.

AmericanBiscuits · 19/04/2018 20:10

It seems like you have some real issues OP. This is not a normal reaction at all.

Why are you obsessing about his sperm being inside other women? That's truly bonkers. Confused

privateporcupine · 19/04/2018 20:10

*I’ve been thinking of breaking up with him
*
Think no more. Do it. For his sake.

Original poster
Kala101 · 19/04/2018 20:11

If lots of men donate sperm then sperm from one man shouldn't be used for so many families. It's plain unethical I feel.

I didn't have a good family growing up and I would never want to be knowingly part of something that could be so disruptive in future.

I've been reading on some websites that donor conceived children do think that their sperm donors are the fathers and sperm donors also call them their children.

OP posts:
RBBMummy · 19/04/2018 20:11

He's done a beautiful thing, given family a who can't naturally conceive a chance. There may be no children born yet, there may be 6. It doesn't matter they aren't his kids. Maybe a child will contact him when they are grown but also a long lost sister you never knew about could contact you. No difference.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 19/04/2018 20:11

How do you know his donations have produced children?

Original poster
Kala101 · 19/04/2018 20:12

It's anonymous but it's possible to find out the number and sex of children and how many families have used it. He went to the sperm bank and they said much of it was used.

OP posts:
Lovesagin · 19/04/2018 20:12

Oh you've read about it. Must be true then Hmm

Seriously op, this is really really weird. Get help.

Pinkcalluna · 19/04/2018 20:12

You do realise that artificial insemination doesn’t always work?

Depending on the age and health of the woman it’s only about 10-20% successful.

Swipe left for the next trending thread