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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:
LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/09/2017 12:00

Your thread got pulled for being a PBP

Anniegetyourgun · 16/09/2017 12:01

Hi WonderRose. I got married in church, many years ago now, because I believed in the Christian sacrament of marriage as well as the legal and emotional aspects, and when it works out it is a beautiful thing. I spent a lot of years trying to make our marriage work but in the end I had to go for divorce. When XH threw out the "you made a promise in church" line, the way I looked at it was this: We made promises to each other. However, he did not, in my view, keep his. If you order some goods you promise to pay for them, but if they don't arrive you can't be held to your side of the bargain alone.

Anniegetyourgun · 16/09/2017 12:02

Oh... right.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:03

Yes and I also got banned. Was a mistake. I've been talking to mumsnet for over an hour. And the re activated my account. Turns out someone from my location was banned in the past. Apparently i got reported for being a liar. And now everyone that was talking to me thinks I am one because of that mistake with mumsnet. And I actually only registered with mumsnet the other day.

OP posts:
SerfTerf · 16/09/2017 12:05

.

Christian wife leaving my husband
TheRealBiscuitAddict · 16/09/2017 12:07

Have reported to mn hq so they can clarify.

SerfTerf · 16/09/2017 12:07

So a non-PBP then?

GriefLeavesItsMark · 16/09/2017 12:07

Oh, ok.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:08

Do that. Was speaking to Rebecca if you want to check.

OP posts:
TheRealBiscuitAddict · 16/09/2017 12:09

If they've reinstated your username they should be able to clarify on the thread. Will save pages of "ah so you're a pbp" posts...

SerfTerf · 16/09/2017 12:10

We should all get a special halo emoji 😇 over our usernames once we've been accused and exonerated.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:10

I' was told not to re hash the old thread so I won't be talking any more about it. Apparently it offended at lot of people

OP posts:
Nuttynoo · 16/09/2017 12:10

I think you need to be strong. I come from a culture and religion where divorce is considered 'the worst thing' for a woman, but you need to overcome that. Cut ties with the people who want to judge you (maybe go to another church even if you feel the existing one is unbearable) and focus on your kids.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:17

They haven't reinstated my username. They recommended I changed it. I'm assuming again that was to calm down the people who reported me

OP posts:
Flammingstar · 16/09/2017 12:17

What is a PBP???
Sorry not used to the MN jargon!!!

LuxuryWoman2017 · 16/09/2017 12:19

PBP - previously banned poster

Flammingstar · 16/09/2017 12:20

I can't believe that people would report your posts OP. There was nothing offensive in any of them. You are genuinely in need and wanted advice. I do not see what the problem is.
If some people are so easily offended, perhaps it's them that should move on.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:22

I don't even know if I'm allowed to say anything any more. Don't even know why i came back on

OP posts:
redexpat · 16/09/2017 12:22

Can you tell us what you feel guilty about?

Flammingstar · 16/09/2017 12:23

I was wondering where your thread had disappeared to and hoping that you were ok. My initial thoughts was that your husband had seen it or you had it deleted to ensure he didn't.
Hoping that the plan is still going ahead OP

misscph1973 · 16/09/2017 12:23

@WonderRose, I think even if you are not Christian, it is hard to carry the guilt of being the one who wants a divorce. Although not Christian, I was also married in a church, and I never, never wanted to divorce, but after 17 years I have come to the end of my marriage.

My parents divorced, and I sincerely think they should have bloody well fixed it, but they couldn't. I am beginning to understand how hard and draining it is to try so hard to fix your marriage but failing at it, and that you get to a point where you decide that it's too hard and you can no longer live like this. You have to look after yourself, no one else will!

Do you worry about your Christian community's reaction to your divorce?

TheRealBiscuitAddict · 16/09/2017 12:25

Are you the poster who belongs to a religious cult and were brought up to believe that the man is the head of the household and that you should give in to his every desire?

Because if so I don't think it's a case of people being offended but that your posts just didn't ring as believable in terms of the level of compliance you were expected to put up with etc.

Allergictoironing · 16/09/2017 12:26

I'm with Anniegetyourgun here - he promised to love, honour and cherish you in the eyes of God, and clearly hasn't. He has broken the "contract" first, in a way that makes you unable to keep to it.

Original poster
WonderRose · 16/09/2017 12:28

Yes I am it it's not a "cult" and i didn't say they were offended. I said they called me a liar.

OP posts:
HerOtherHalf · 16/09/2017 12:29

Im not religious so struggle to empathise. I would rationalse it though. Presumably you feel guilty about breaking your vows which are sacred, according to your religious beliefs. However, didnt he break those vows first by not treating you with love and respect as he presumably promised to do? If marriage is a contract, he is in breach and you are within your rights to walk away.