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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Christian wife leaving my husband

603 replies

WonderRose · 16/09/2017 11:48

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

OP posts:
GeekLove · 08/10/2017 19:47

This is a setback but you have left once and can do so again. At least you know that to your parents image is everything and you are nothing. They have disgraced themselves. One good thing is that you have the measure of them in that they are useless and that your cousin has your back.

I wouldn't worry too much about his threats about the children but at the same time don't be complacent. I doubt he could stick being the primary carer for long.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 08/10/2017 19:55

And the next time you leave I think you will likely have to cut all contact with your parents as they obviously aren't to be trusted.

I'm sorry they've turned out to be so awful.

ducknose · 08/10/2017 20:13

So your parents helped him to kidnap your kids, fucking lowlives!
Please come up with a plan to escape again, I dread to think what he has in store for you once his mr nice guy acts gets boring for him.
I'm so sorry you've been betrayed like this. You've taken a brave leap before and you can do it again Flowers

RaininSummer · 08/10/2017 20:15

I am so sorry to read your update. You need to leave again when you can.

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 20:22

He is their father. It isn't kidnap. I will never trust then again. I knew they didn't like the fact I left but I didn't think they would do this. I've barely spoken to him. He's strangely calm. Like really weird. Making me nervous. He's out with friends tonight. He's literally texting me every 15mins while he's at work or out. I know he's going to want sex when he gets home tonight and I'm dreading it.

OP posts:
Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 08/10/2017 20:24

You don't have to have sex with him.

Sex when you don't want it is rape.

Is there any way you can take the children to a hotel tonight and call women's aid in the morning ? In fact can you call them now ?

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 20:27

I don't have money to go anywhere. And he hasn't actually done anything to me since I came home so it's not like I can do anything. He can take my kids and he will.

OP posts:
picklemepopcorn · 08/10/2017 20:33

I'm so sorry! I was so very glad when I saw you had got away. Can you go back to your cousin with the children, and not let your parents have them again? Have you been to women's aid?

I'm just so so sad you are back there.

ducknose · 08/10/2017 20:36

Well no, technically it isn't, not from a legal perspective, obviously.
But he is abusive and they need to be with you, is what I was getting at and your parents went behind your back and now they and you aren't safe.

Primaryteach87 · 08/10/2017 20:37

Please ring this number 0808 2000 247 and explain that your family will help him and so you have no where safe to turn. They will hopefully prioritise getting you into a refuge. You only need enough money to get to the refuge as once there they will help you to apply for all the benefits that you will be entitled to. Please go, now. I mean literally in the next 10 minutes. Take passports, bank statements and child benefit letters if its safe.

I'm an evangelical Christian. This isn't okay and I can tell you with 100% faith that Jesus is willing you to walk out the door. He loves you and wants you safe. Please do it for your children if noone else.

This website might be helpful -www.restoredrelationships.org/help/

DottyBlue2 · 08/10/2017 20:40

There is no god but there are people who will take advantage of you. Fuckit, fuckem and tellem to fuckoff.

Youcanttaketheskyfromme · 08/10/2017 20:40

What Primary said.

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 20:41

I know what you mean, I just meant I wouldn't be able to do anything if he took them. I couldn't go to the police or anything, I would have to take him to court and that would take months. He would fight until the end to keep them. So I had to come back. I finally started feeling good and now I'm back to this. Maybe it's just what's supposed happen in my life. Feels like I'm just not supposed to be happy.

OP posts:
RandomMess · 08/10/2017 20:41

Text him and tell him you do not consent to having sex with him tonight or ever again.

Rape is still rape within marriage

NellyNouNou · 08/10/2017 20:43

OP you need to call Women's Aid and get their help to get out again. He hasn't changed. He will punish you. You are in danger.

Desmondo2016 · 08/10/2017 20:43

Could you find the courage to say to him 'as you very well know i am.only back here because of the dirty trick my parents pulled. I will not be having sex with you. If you could put that in writing/text to him, even better. Please please try and think outside of your own cultural beliefs which could well be misplaced and a definitely tainted take on true christianity. You dont have to stay. You dont have to let him call the shots. You dont have to have sex. And there ARE organisations that will support and protect you xx

RandomMess · 08/10/2017 20:46

You can to a refuge, speak to WA tell them everything Flowers

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 20:48

I have no proof he's abusive. It's his word against mine.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 08/10/2017 20:48

I'm kinda baffled ladies... but for the sake of kindness.. I'm hoping the OP find the strength to get through this difficult complex situation... Flowers

Primaryteach87 · 08/10/2017 20:49

You don't need proof. I used to work in a refuge. It's a fundemental principle of women's aid that we start by BELIEVING. You will be believed.

cocoboots · 08/10/2017 20:50

you need to go to a women's refuge and seek immediate legal help. they will help you create a level on anonymity while things are being sorted out with the separation. i'm sorry OP but you cannot trust your family members in this due to the religious aspect - as they will likely support your husband in the name of religion and want you to work on this marriage.
are all your family in this religion? because you need a non biased opinion and help, someone who can see the situation for what it really is- abuse.
please get help from women's aid or refuge www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/

applesandpears33 · 08/10/2017 20:51

I am so sorry that things have worked out this way. I am a Christian too and have some understanding of the views some churches take of marriage. Remember that men are called on to love their wives as Christ loves the church. People always seem to forget this when they talk about a woman's duty to be submissive. Your husband isn't even trying to love you. Love is patient, love is kind, and love does not force someone to have sex.

RandomMess · 08/10/2017 20:55

No proof required!!!! Please phone them and keep phoning until you get through Flowers

ducknose · 08/10/2017 21:02

@WonderRose it works both ways, he can't do anything to stop you taking the children.
If he takes you to court, and gets access, it will still be better than your current situation.

Original poster
WonderRose · 08/10/2017 21:11

He will keep them until court. I couldn't leave my kids for that long. That's what he told me on the phone. I'm going to leave again when I can and I'm having nothing to do with my parents. They are on his side. I just dont know how I'm going to get money. My cousin will let me stay with her again hopefully. Which means I don't need as much money. So annoyed I had to come back. Feels weird being in this house again

OP posts: