Christian wife leaving my husband

[WonderRose]

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

Thanks for the response Flammingstar

I wondered what had happened with other thread.

Wonder I'm sorry you are having to defend yourself here too.

Whether you continue to post here or not, I wish you well and hope everything works out for you.

PM me if you want someone to talk to.

Take care

I have no idea how to pm on this app or I woul.

Would

Hopefully you will see this before the thread disappears, but I am a Christian as well and I left my ex husband with the complete support of my pastor, as well as another leading minister in our church. Of course there were those within the congregation who had no knowledge or understanding of my situation who couldn't empathise/understand why I was divorcing him, but I DID have the support of the leadership. Do not feel guilty, a husband is supposed to love his wife as he loves himself to the point he would give his life for her, as Christ did.

If he is the opposite of that you are right to run without a backward glance. Especially if you have children in tow. I wish you all the best, stay strong

And me three, happy to provide support via PM - I didn't make that entirely clear up thread.

There are churches who teach that although marriage is important NO ONE should be in an abusive marriage. If your husband is physically, emotionally or financially abusive you SHOULD NOT stay. Nothing is worth the cost to your physical and emotional health.

I am a Christian and I would absolutely support and help anyone who needed to get out of a very bad marriage. Yes some things can be fixed but some just can't.

If anyone in a marriage is cheating or being abusive in anyway then THEY are the ones not honouring the vows. Your wedding vows call for you to honour each other, love each other and forsake all others. If someone breaks this they broke the vows first. The other person then gets to choose what happens next in my eyes.

Please do not feel guilty because your husband has broken the vows and treated you badly. No one should have to Iive with being treated like crap because "it's the right thing to do" Never.

@LesbianBadger and others, I am sure that the OP will massively appreciate your help, advice and support.
I also hope that she wont mind me saying that her husband sounds like a nasty st
He controls her in every way possible, Inc financially. He smacks/spanks her and says it is a joke and he has started having al sex with her without lubrication (which is obviously painful)
From what she has said, there is little love or affection from him whatsoever.
There are many other things that she has said that I could repeat but I won't because not only do I not want to put the poor lady in danger, but I also don't want to upset her. She is having a heck of a hard time with him already.

WonderRose you are doing the right thing. Do try to talk to other religious leaders, C of E are pretty accepting and understanding as are Oasis, and probably Methodists and Church of Scotland.

@WonderRose I posted on the first thread. I believe you. I'm a Christian and I wouldn't hesitate to advise you to leave your husband in the circumstances you are in. Please feel free to PM me if you want support.

So, some religious Mumsnet members got offended by the truth? Oh, lovely.

I have some contacts at the Guardian, sure they'd be very interested to hear that MN supports cover ups of abuse in religious communities.

Wonder keep posting! How are things at home?

I'm sorry to hear your situation

You are doing the right thing. It is your life at the end of the day. If your church leadership cannot support this, or help you, I'd find somewhere that does.
At the end of the day you and your children need to be safe. And the Church should be helping you feel safe, not judging you.

I have some contacts at the Guardian, sure they'd be very interested to hear that MN supports cover ups of abuse in religious communities.

Please point to any links or posts where this has happened.

I am hoping that the OP is ok. I have sent a couple of private messages but they haven't been read.
Hopefully she is busy preparing to leave that scumbag/her husband.

If you are worried about feeling guilt you are not going into this lightly, I assume you have done everything you can to save the marriage. It would be a good idea to find a sympathetic Christian to counsel you through the process, look carefully some people can be judgemental and that's not helpful. If you worry about guilt because you consider divorce a sin remember. All have sinned, and Jesus said " he who is without sin cast the first stone. No one can judge you because no one knows what goes on behind closed doors, this is between you and God he loves you no matter what and will see you through it. Numbers 6v24-26

Op if you want to look at a different Christian viewpoint about relationships, try some of the blog posts by a guy named Tim Fall. Here's one
timfall.wordpress.com/2017/09/11/men-are-not-lords-over-women/
but you can dig into his site and links to things others have written.
It is really hard to throw off false teaching that you've heard since forever but there is a very different and still definitely Christian way of looking at this.

The very best of luck for tomorrow OP. We are all thinking of you and all here for you if you need support.
You are nearly there. X

Yes good luck Wonder! How are you feeling?

How are you OP? Did you manage to get away?

I just got to my cousins . I'm a bit of a mess. Hard leaving my whole life behind

Awww Wonder...... well done. What you have done is amazing. You are incredibly strong. It is bound to be hard, it was all that you knew for a while, You were 'conditioned' to accept it. That was your way of life. It's onwards and upwards to better things and a life of freedom and without fear now.
You will feel uneasy for a little while but soon you will feel that a weight has been lifted.
Do not forget that you must not let your husband know where you are because when he gets home he is going to be incredibly angry. Don't keep your phone because the first thing he is going to do is ring or text and then try to track it to find out where you are. Also be careful if you are on Facebook because that has location trackers too I think.
The main thing is that you and your children are safe and well.
Take care

Well I'm very glad you got to your cousins.
I think that so many on here are not religious so we are struggling to understand the guilt.
He's a vile abusive pig and it was the only thing you would do to protect yourself and your DC.
If you feel guilty can you maybe get some counselling?
Have a chat with your GP and see if you can be referred.
Your cousin sounds great so can you have a good chat with him/her about it all.

You KNOW you are doing the right thing
You KNOW you couldn't stay in that relationship
You now need to come to terms with it all.
Keep talking and posting on here but do get some real life professional help.

Did you contact Womens Aid?
If not then they can help with local support services in your area.
I also think you need to contact Rape Crisis and talk to them.

Good luck Wonder. Onwards and upwards.