Christian wife leaving my husband

[WonderRose]

I'm a Christian woman about to leave my husband and I was looking for some advice on how to carry the guilt. We have 2 children together and have been together 3 years. He's not a very nice man. I was speaking people before but I can't remember their usernames so can't get in touch with them

I'd find a church and a vicar to speak to. Isn't it all about forgiveness anyway?
Just as a side note when non-religious people, if you like, get divorced there's also in some instances a lot of guilt carried in various ways e.g. 'what if I could have tried harder' etc.
No-one gets married in order to get divorced whatever their religious inclination.
Good luck but keep a rational head when carving out the divorce. There's a time and a place for everything.

Hi op. Please don't get scared off. This site is very helpful and supportive. There were a few threads a couple of months ago all pulled about a woman in a marriage with a man from an ultra religious background. He beat his wife and called it domestic discipline. He also blamed his homosexual young teen ds for being raped.

If you are this woman or in a similar situation, please get safe.

Hi,

I'm not married but as a Christian with three children by two fathers, neither of whom I was married to, I can empathise with that nagging guilt of not 'towing the official Christian line'.

I think the things to remember is that, as human beings, we are all going to make mistakes and we are all incapable of perfection. Life happens, sin happens and, if you believe in a compassionate and loving God, then that is okay. The whole point of Grace is that everything we do in life is covered by Jesus' sacrifice - all we have to do is accept that and keep on trying to deepen out relationship with him.

It is one thing to believe that marriage is a contract made in the sight of God to stay together for life but quite another to believe it to the extent that there are no circumstances that can justify ending it. What is the point in staying in a marriage that is completely loveless and causing misery on all sides? Where is the benefit in staying in a marriage where one partner is abusive or has cheated (even the church 'allows' divorce in the latter case).

I don't think it helps to see Christianity as having 'rules'. I believe the Bible sets out guidelines for what was the most likely way to be able to lead a happy and spiritually fulfilling life. I think some of it remains as relevant today as when it was written but that other parts cannot be separated from the culture and time in which they were written.

Too many Christians beat themselves up for 'breaking rules.' I think all that is needed is an acknowledgement to God that something in your life is not going the way he or you would want it to and to pray for his help and guidance in moving on and getting through.

Do you have any RL support?

So many people who divorce end up feeling guilty and it would be so much more difficult if you are following very strict religious rules. IMO it would help if you tried to keep the practical (keeping yourself and your DCs safe, leaving, sorting out finances etc) separate from the religious.

@Wonder
Please don't delete the thread. You need support, especially now that you have taken the incredibly brave step of leaving your husband.
I believe you..... dv and coercion/control on the level that you have been subjected to is a horrendous thing and I think that your emotions are all over the place and you are not thinking straight......although you are SO brave and absolutely doing the right thing for you and your children.

@Rebecca from MN and other posters who reported you and don't believe you should be ashamed...... isn't this forum meant to be about support when it is needed, not judgement or calling the poster out??
I am sure if the OP was lying or it was fake, she would not come back and she would find something a little more 'fairy-tale' like to make up. Some people clearly have absolutely nooooooooo understanding of dv and control and clearly nooooooo compassion either.
The OP is taking a brave step, which is so admirable, she is at risk and probably frightened out of her mind. She needs support not critism.
Good luck OP....... I believe in your. Keep up your bravery and strength.

isn't this forum meant to be about support when it is needed, not judgement or calling the poster out??

Support doesn't mean agreeing with someone.

@Piglet
Don't you think that the OP is going through enough??? I think that you should cut your unhelpful comments and try and see things from her pov.
The lady is clearly suffering if you read between the lines.
She can post whatever she likes. It is not offensive. If any so called 'religious' people find it so I suggest you move on or go to church!

If any so called 'religious' people find it so I suggest you move on or go to church!

Wow

Oh and I'm not religious in the slightest but that is offensive.

@Piglet
Seems to me that you are so easily offended perhaps this isn't the right place for you.
I didn't say that you are religious if you read my post.

Piglet, if the thread offends you then hide it. You don't have to keep coming back to be offended you know - the hide function is there for a reason.

Ho Op - I read your whole thread last night but didn't post as I couldn't contribute anything much being neither religious nor married. However you do need to leave so I hope your plan described last night still stands and that you do not tell him you are leaving. In terms of the guilt re religion and marriage I just fail to understand that being a non believer in either institution but from what I read there is nothing at all for you to be guilty about and your God has surely seen what your relationship was like. Stay around as these boards are amazingly helpful and supportive and you may need the advice of these wise women.

OP - feel free to come and join us on the philosophy and religion section. Lots of help and support over there.

@Flammingstar thank you for your support but this thread is getting out of control. I dont want arguements over me or this post so im going to ask them to delete it. It's not worth it.

Take care wonderrose, I feel for you, I have been in your shoes

OP, I have never experienced anything along the lines of that which you have, but it seems evident that this kind of treatment does exist within certain fundamentalist circles. Should we just deny that that's the case because we've never seen it with our own eyes or because some might be Christian but not fundamentally so?

I find the fact that you have been asked not to bring up what was in the previous thread slightly wrong tbh. Yes the religious side of things is something you may feel you need to discuss elsewhere on the boards in terms of receiving the right support with your faith, however it's this level of sweeping things under the carpet which led to years and years of child abuse within many mainstream religious organisations going largely undetected and covered up by the heads of those organisations.

We merrily watch programmes about the duggers and the three wives, one husband ones on television and pass comment accordingly, yet someone is in a real situation where they are being abused and people are offended? .

A very wise priest once said to me that there were more ways than the death of a spouse for a marriage to die. Whilst not the official view of the Catholic church I thought it a useful way of looking at it as there is no point flogging a dead horse of a marriage if the other person is a total dick.

@Wonder
If the thread gets taken down please feel free to pm me. I will help any way that I can.
I know that its difficult and as @'Realbiscuit' above said, it's a disgrace that this has been swept under the carpet in an attempt to cover up the religious aspects.
I don't want to argue with anyone, but the lack of support from the so called religious zealots is a disgrace.
Like I say OP please feel free to pm me.
Stay safe and strong

You can pm me too

I agree with RealBiscuit and sweeping under the carpet.

Does mnhq have anything to say about this?

I can't offer much advice, but I just wanted to say I am a Christian, and if I needed to I would divorce my husband. My church is very friendly and open to all though, so I suggest you find a less judgemental church.
At the end of the day what's the point in being unhappy?

I've asked for it to be deleted. Thank you helping me.

@mummyoflittledragon
I have already addressed Rebecca from MN and had no reply. I agree with @RealBiscuit - it's this very reason why members of different religious communities got away with abuse back in the 60's and 70's.

Just when the op needs all the support in the world she is let down.
Like I said OP, please pm me if you need anything.

I have just sent you a private message OP

Please repost op. Change your username again yourself. It's easy to do. I would omit the religious information for your own protection if you feel able. Just so you get some decent responses.