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Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
CharliePurple · 07/12/2016 13:52

Why are they staying with him?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:56

DD 3 and I had a row and he collected her to give us chance to calm down on Friday and he's kept them

OP posts:
Sirzy · 07/12/2016 13:58

I think really you would be better seeking legal advice on the situation. You need to be careful not to inflame the situation more - especially if relations between you and DD3 are strained anyway.

I hope you get it sorted soon

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:03

I'm not playing that game any more, I won in court last time it counts for shot it seems

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 14:09

This is not a current court order reflecting recent events

For th kids do as you are told by school and see the solicitor you should have seen on Monday Confused

viques · 07/12/2016 14:10

Please don't. school should not be the place where you and your ex work out your issues. School should be completely neutral, a place where your girls feel safe and don't have to worry about you having a barney in the playground or feeling that they have to choose between you.

You need to get some legal advice.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:12

The school have said nothing. Just that they will have to tell him I'm coming.

As I say I'm not going back to court, I'll sit back and see what they do ... The kids not him

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/12/2016 14:12

The school is not your enemy.
Whilst they are staying with him, it is a neutral place for you to see them.
Remember that you don't know what your ex or your kids have said to school. You asked him to pick up the younger one for the space, and he will have told them that.
Tell the school calmly that legally they do not have to contact him, and you're happy to have that confirmed by your solicitor, but that you appreciate it is difficult for them.
Ask them to provide a private space for you to see your girls without your ex present.
If he is there then no - don't just say hi and walk away. Go to the private room and spend time with them, listen to them, and arrange the next meeting - they're old enough to meet with you without him.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:14

Ellisandra that's what I asked for and they've said no. I can only go at 3pm when school has finished, fine I'll meet them at reception and if he kicks off then what ?

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 14:14

GET LEGAL ADVICE

wannabestressfree · 07/12/2016 14:15

Isn't it more true you rang the ex and TOLD him to keep the children as you had enough and its backfired on you. As much as I am sympathetic to your children you are the architect of your own misfortune here........
You have been advised to give them time........
And not to carry on with the dramatics especially at school.....
And not to keep using the children and your ex as a weapon.......
Selective amnesia???

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:16

School is the only place I can work this out. He will not provide the address they've been taken to. The girlfriends house I pressume

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:17

Yeah I did say that wanna and I'm not saying I want them home either right now I just want to make sure they are ok

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:19

The legal advice will be to put in court applications, make him get sections 7's etc. I know how it works. Just no. Enough of all that, the kids were harmed by it when he did it to me I'm not doing it too

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/12/2016 14:21

You can't have it both ways - saying you have a court order that they live with you, and then sending them to him for space and saying you don't definitely want them home.

You need legal advice.
You can't say it didn't count for shit before, because presumably the outcome was that you were their resident parent! And now, you haven't tried to use that status as you haven't spoken to a solicitor.

You really need legal advice as to your options now.
But one - don't make an enemy of the school, and two - don't say hi and walk off if he is there. Tell them you miss them and want to meet up tomorrow night, will they come for dinner? (or whatever fits)

Cricrichan · 07/12/2016 14:23

Op you need to be more stable with your children. You keep wanting to farm them out when you can't cope with them. A child must know that they have a home and that regardless, it will be there. You've got to find other ways of dealing with your kids other than chucking them out :(

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:23

Ellisandra I've no intention of making an enemy of the school. They have always been very supportive and I will inist they stay there.

Ok I'll get there early and ask if they have a private room. I'm pissed they've contacted him if they didn't legally have to and will raise that with them.

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:25

Cricrichan what I said to him in anger I really didn't expect to get shown to the kids. Of course I realise now that's exactly what I should expect from him, but I can't change that now

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/12/2016 14:25

And pick your battles.
You don't need to know the address where they are staying - even if you are legally entitled to know, which I would not be sure of.

So focus on arranging to meet them, not arguing about where they are staying. They are teenagers, they are together - if they want to tell you the address they can.

Sirzy · 07/12/2016 14:27

I very much doubt a school will take children out of lessons when they know things are acrimonious- school should be a safe place for them and school will want to keep it that way.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:27

Ellisandra tbh the address doesn't matter but it's not the point. WW3 will kick off at the weekend as DS is now saying he doesn't want to go to ex's he is loving his only child status

OP posts:
LIZS · 07/12/2016 14:28

It isn't up to school to facilitate this. If it kicks off they will be obliged to follow this up with ss etc under their safeguarding policy. How old are the dds, do you really want to make school a potentially stressful place for them?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/12/2016 14:32

I very much doubt a school will take children out of lessons when they know things are acrimonious- school should be a safe place for them and school will want to keep it that way.

^ I agree.

It isn't for school to be the go between.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:32

LIZS the alternative is what ? That I sit back and have no contact? I'm happy to do that but I suspect the longer it goes on the harder it'll be for DD3 in particular

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:32

PigletWasPoohsFriend I'm not asking for them to be removed from lessons. Afterwards is fine

OP posts:
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