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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 07/12/2016 16:09

I've called ss and a solicitor myself

Are you taking their advice?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:09

Sirzy - why are you twisting everything ? I've done nothing but put those children first. Each and every day, one spat with a 12 year old and I deserve this ? Seriously ?

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 07/12/2016 16:10

I don't understand the " I almost sound like a dad don't I?" Hmm

So what's the plan then?

You've spoken to SS and your solicitor so what was the advice and what do you plan to do now?

I think seeing as he has the kids for the rest of the week you should take some time out to figure out what it is you really want and how it can be achieved without causing a shit storm, because right now, nothing is working is it ?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:10

What's EB ?

OP posts:
Iamdobby63 · 07/12/2016 16:10

So DD1 is celebrating her sisters moving out and yet is telling you that one of them wants to come home?

I'll ask again - did you see or speak to your DD's today?

MrsPeelyWally · 07/12/2016 16:10

I sound almost like a dad don't I ?

You sound like something else entirely and whilst I wouldn't wish ill health on anyone I really do think you should see your Dr. If you are ill then there is at least a chance that in the future you and the children get a happy ending, otherwise it just doesn't bare thinking about.

SparklyMagpie · 07/12/2016 16:11

Apologies pissed, just seen your reply

Why won't you do that?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:12

Iamdobby63 no I didn't ... He turned up, I wrote them a note, told the support teacher they can call me anytime from school and she promised me they could

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:12

SparklyMagpie - because even if I win it resolves nothing

OP posts:
HoopsandEverything · 07/12/2016 16:12

You're in Australia though right?

LostMySanityCanIBorrowYours · 07/12/2016 16:13

"Spats" with your children don't normally result in them being sent to live with the other parent (who is unfit to parent?) for a week.

You really need to engage with SS, the school, your GP and find some healthier ways of coping.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:15

No the uk now

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 07/12/2016 16:16

Leave them where they are.

MrsWhiteWash · 07/12/2016 16:16

Solicitor said file immidateky to have them returned. I'm not doing that

What do you want and how are you going to get that - and then talk through it all with Solicitor to make sure it's all legal and that you know where you stand.

I only mention PR as you mentioned a worry of their Dad changing schools - pretty sure you need PR till they are 16 to do that - or some kind of legal equivalent. That a legal question to ask about set our mind at rest.

I would also second suggest you see you GP - get checked out.

MsJamieFraser · 07/12/2016 16:17

This reply has been deleted

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MrsWhiteWash · 07/12/2016 16:17

set our mind at rest.

your mind - y key is sticking.

WyfOfBathe · 07/12/2016 16:17

If a non-resident parent, who we've been told shouldn't be contacting their children, turned up at the school, we would phone the police for advice not find you a private room Hmm

I sound almost like a dad don't I ?
No, most dads care about their children's welfare.

Iamdobby63 · 07/12/2016 16:17

I don't understand why it would resolve nothing? What is your answer to this, I can't imagine you are choosing to ignore when in your own words one daughter ended up being tranquillised after being with him.

Even if the girls stay with him you want to still see them don't you?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:18

WyfOfBathe - I am the resident parent

OP posts:
Graphista · 07/12/2016 16:19

What is the point of consulting (and paying for that consultation) then ignoring the advice?

I too am beginning to think there are mh issues going on, too much chaos at ops and for now at least they're better off with dad.

The child that was sedated, that's not necessarily just because of the actions of one parent. But a reaction to long term uncertainty and insecurity.

myyoyo · 07/12/2016 16:20

I think that school put the op in the 'private' room to avoid anybody else having to witness the inevitable drama which the op very clearly wanted to occur.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:21

Iamdobby63 I honestly believe as long as any sort of co operation between he and I is required it'll damage the kids. I am seriously considering just stepping back until they organise it themselves

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:22

Graphista - because it's advice that's all, they suggest something it's not compulsory to follow it. It may well be the best legal option but it's not necessary best for those kids

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 16:23

myyoyo - or they might just have wanted to help the situation maybe

OP posts:
myoriginal3 · 07/12/2016 16:23

I agree you should step back.