Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
BumDNC · 07/12/2016 14:33

I think for the kids it might do them a favour if it did all fall apart in school as then at least a responsible adult would be involved with making decisions.

Now with DS refusing to visit more than ever you need legal advice FFS!

Do not have a go at school for anything at all, you have both put them in a horrible position - you should be apologising and grateful if they facilitate not angry at them!!

Sirzy · 07/12/2016 14:34

As has been said over and over you need to get legal advice, or at least sit down with your ex and talk about things sensibly - with a 3rd party adult there is needed to mediate things.

How old are the children?

cheekyfunkymonkey · 07/12/2016 14:34

Sorry to be nosey but what sort of argument with a child ends with you not being able to resolve it without her having to live somewhere else? Confused

SparklyMagpie · 07/12/2016 14:34

You said you didn't think what you said the other night to him would be shown to your children, yet you say he always shows the text messages between you two.

I'm sorry but after your last thread update you sounded more upbeat and calm, but after this you've now decided you want to go and check on them, and no doubt this will create some kind of drama.

You decided to let the children spend the rest of the week with there dad, you need to seek legal advice bit YOU need to decide where you want to go from here.

Do you want your children or not? I'm thinking it might be best for all to have this little break.

I got rather angry at what you've previously posted and the way you feel so I don't see why now after the other day when you saw your daughter an agreed for them to stay the rest of the week, and you wanting to hand over phone chargers without saying anything so to not start an argument, you've now decided you want to go to the school and see them? Confused

You know what's going to happen, which I'm sorry but makes me feel you want the drama to unleash again

Iamdobby63 · 07/12/2016 14:35

What's changed from the weekend, you saw one of your daughters and you agreed they would stay with him for a week? You are also in contact via text with them, although I do agree you should know where they are staying.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:35

I'm not angry at the school.

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 07/12/2016 14:37

Another of these threads... These poor kids.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:38

SparklyMagpie I had a conversation with him yesterday in which he announced he was keeping them, they aren't being allowed back on Sunday and his solicitor informed me I was being investigated by the police and SS. Spent all of yesterday on the phone to both - utter lies - but that's what the kids will be being told now that they can't go back

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 07/12/2016 14:38

School won't want to get involved in what they will be looking at as a domestic dispute, especially as the children are teens and this have a say in arrangements themselves.

If your children reach out to the SENCO or a teacher, they may refer to social services, but you are asking a lot of them to provide a room for you to talk to your children when you and they know it will cause drama with the other parent.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:39

Even if they live with him and if that's what they want fine, he can't keep them away from me

OP posts:
PatriciaHolm · 07/12/2016 14:40

If your children want to see you, the expectation would be you and they sort it out - maybe meet you in town for coffee. Storming up to school demanding they provide a private space for you is not the way to do it.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:41

PatriciaHolm I haven't demanded anything, why would you say/think that ?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 07/12/2016 14:41

I was going to ask if you have mobile contact with them - hard to imagine not as they're teens! But a PP has alluded to it.
IIRC the older girl is only staying to 'look after' the younger one? But both teens?
So why can't you phone the older one and arrange to go out to dinner with them? Keep contact regular to stop the previous argument getting out of control, and to keep you in contact whilst you speak to a solicitor and decide your next move.

Your son is about 6, no?
He doesn't get to decide not to go to his dad just because he likes all the attention of being an only child. It's one weekend.
The ONLY reason not to tell him tough luck (but in a way that is positive and firm about him going) is if you genuinely believe his dad won't return him - in which case BROKEN RECORD - speak to a solicitor.

BumDNC · 07/12/2016 14:42

Based on his recent comments you need urgent legal advice 2 days ago.
You cannot resolve this by yourself. Accept that

LIZS · 07/12/2016 14:42

If they are secondary age they can't be forced to see you anyway. Why would he be collecting them?

HughLauriesStubble · 07/12/2016 14:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrsWhiteWash · 07/12/2016 14:46

they aren't being allowed back on Sunday and his solicitor informed me I was being investigated by the police and SS. Spent all of yesterday on the phone to both - utter lies - but that's what the kids will be being told now that they can't go back

Surely the best course of action is to seek legal advice at this point?

BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 14:46

How old are the children?

Iamdobby63 · 07/12/2016 14:48

Are you still in mobile contact with DD's?

LIZS · 07/12/2016 14:48

What did police and ss advise with regards to access yesterday?

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 14:48

Don't get pissed off with school I think you will need them for support and back up. I would get in contact with your solicitor as you are the main care giver. He doesn't sound like he is being a responsible adult or father. He just wants to cause you more heart ache and that will affect your children. You have to be strong for them.

rightsofwomen · 07/12/2016 14:49

If you have parental rights there is nothing at all to stop you going to the school. They have no right (unless they step in with their own safeguarding concerns) to stop anyone with parental rights.

Whether this is the right thing to do is a different matter.

I gave my son's head teacher my word that if my ex was to turn up at the school on one of "my" days that I would not create a scene. Her priority is the welfare of the children.

Until we go to Court this is all I can do.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 14:53

My HV told me to make sure my partners name was on the birth certificate. I think from what I have read he can get out of his responsibilities as a father. I think your ex would have had to sign a document stating he wanted parental responsibility if his name was not on the birth certificate.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:55

I'm calmly sat in reception, I've asked if they have a room. If he turns up I will just leave. He lives over an hour away from the school my major concern is that he will move them. It's only a week til they break up isn't it

OP posts:
Idodo · 07/12/2016 14:55

The school is not a venue for facilitating contact with your children. How can they accommodate that?