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Original poster

Going to the school to see my girls

662 replies

Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 13:50

DD2 and DD3 ... The school have told me that they will have to inform ex I am going because they are aware the girls have been staying with him. Despite me having the court order to say they live with me. He's not even on their bloody birth certificates !
That can't be right surely ?
If he's there I'm just going to say hi and walk off ...

OP posts:
Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 14:57

Idodo right now it's my only option

OP posts:
Trifleorbust · 07/12/2016 14:58

Or you could do what people have been advising you to do for days: see a solicitor.

WannaBe · 07/12/2016 14:58

I don't know the backstory here but from what this thread states it seems that:

You had a row with DD3 and as such sent her to her dad's because you can't cope. Your elder dd went with her to look after her.

Subsequent to this row your ex has now stated that he's not going to be returning the DD's after the weekend.

And now you've decided that you need to see them and so are going to go up to the school because you have no idea where they're living, even though this was apparently not so important at the weekend when you were shipping DD3 out to her dad's because you couldn't cope.

Oh, and you don't think the school should tell him that you're coming down because "he's not even on the birth certificate," even though, again, this apparently didn't matter when you needed him to take DD off your hands.

It seems your children lack any kind of consistency. You can't expect to send them to their dad's one minute and then get annoyed when he doesn't think that being with you is in their best interests.

If this was the other way around and a man was doing this people would be advising the woman to get legal advice and to keep the DC away from this toxic man.

You need to take a step back and stop using your children as pawns. Don't go down to the school, take a break from all of this, and if your DS is six then he doesn't get to decide he fancies being an only child....

littlesallyracket · 07/12/2016 14:58

If the situation was reversed, and your ex had sent his daughter off to live with you and you'd decided they were better off in your care for awhile and had notified Police and Social Services about your ex, I'm sure you'd expect the school to inform you that your ex was turning up to talk to his daughters on their premises.

The school and your daughters are caught in the middle of all this. They can only do what they think is best for your daughters, particularly if your ex has made them aware of Social Services involvement. The school has no way of judging whether your ex's report was or wasn't accurate.

I agree you need to take legal advice and I also think you need to stop sending your children to your ex when you have a row with them and then expecting them to come home again when you've calmed down.

MrsWhiteWash · 07/12/2016 14:58

If he's not on birth certificate does he have PR? If not I'm not sure he could move them - but in any case taking legal advice would mean this would be all be clear to you and made clear to the school if necessary.

If you are there already I hope it goes well and the girls are okay meeting you there.

LIZS · 07/12/2016 15:00

You could meet in various venues a contact centre, assuming ss believe it appropriate. Surely the girls are old enough to tell you where they are staying. It seems as if you had agreed to one thing, that they stay a week, and now are trying to go back on it. Agree your ds doesn't get to avoid contact if he is younger. Is he with you?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 15:03

He's here. No sign of the girls

OP posts:
Goingtobeawesome · 07/12/2016 15:03

What a mess.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 15:03

Op do you have any support from friends or family?

I think from what a PP has said you have kind of given in to the devil and he is going to use it to get his children back. Kids need consistency in their lives and that comes with the ups and the downs.

booklooker · 07/12/2016 15:03

How long have they been living with their father?

How old are they?

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 15:04

No no support and again he's using that. Living with him since Friday it seems

OP posts:
BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 15:04

Crikey the poor kids.

Why do parents put their children through such trauma. Sad

WannaBe · 07/12/2016 15:06

I don't see how PR is relevant here. It seems the OP is happy to use him as a parent to his children when she can't cope, and now people think that his lack of PR should be used against him? Hmm

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 15:08

My HV mentioned it make sure his name is on the birth certificate. It was a very random thing to say. I guess a lot of men feel that they can run away from their responsibilities because there is no record of them being a father to that child.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 15:10

He should have signed a form stating that he wanted parental responsibility for the children. Especially if his name is not on the birth certificate.

ElspethFlashman · 07/12/2016 15:10

Yeah I don't think PR comes into it when OP has told him to take them.

This is such a god damn mess.

Original poster
Pisssssedofff · 07/12/2016 15:11

Dd2 is apparently wanting to come back home

OP posts:
HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 15:12

Is he going to let them go home with you and how did it end with ss.

Iamdobby63 · 07/12/2016 15:12

Where/how are you hearing that?

LIZS · 07/12/2016 15:13

Who has told you that? Is there a dd1 too?

BubbleGumBubble · 07/12/2016 15:14

HOW OLD ARE THE CHILDREN???

Sorry to shout but the question has been missed/ignored a few times.

Trifleorbust · 07/12/2016 15:14

LIZS: Oh don't ask about that Blush DD1 was the subject of another looong thread.

HoridHenryrules · 07/12/2016 15:14

ds1, dd2 and dd3. I think that is how I read it.

CharliePurple · 07/12/2016 15:15

If he's not on the birth certificate then surely he doesn't have parental responsibility so surely the law is in your side, though if the police and SS are involved then perhaps they are better with him. Why on earth did you want them to spend a week with him?

OnionKnight · 07/12/2016 15:17

It sounds like your tantrum has backfired OP.