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Original poster

Birthday. Is it over?

170 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 19:41

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

OP posts:
Shayelle · 15/11/2016 19:44

Did he ask you out to dinner for your birthday?

user1478353766 · 15/11/2016 19:45

He might not have realised that you were lying about getting you a present, but he should have at least got you a card. Paying for dinner would have been the least he could have done

Shayelle · 15/11/2016 19:47

He perhaps sees this as something way more casual than you do?

RaeSkywalker · 15/11/2016 19:48

I don't think it's necessarily over, you could just have different expectations about how to behave for birthdays. I'm more worried that he's not trying to understand your POV.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 19:48

That's what I thought Shay and I can't help feeling gutted.

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 15/11/2016 19:49

After a couple of months I'd have been more suspicio of ott gifts and twee cards and declarations of love

You told him not to get you anything, so he didn't. Maybe he got the impression birthdays aren't a big deal to you?

Raines100 · 15/11/2016 19:49

He's not a keeper, OP.

tiej · 15/11/2016 19:49

He sounds like a tight git to me.

Costacoffeeplease · 15/11/2016 19:49

Suspicious - I've no idea what suspicio even is but my phone likes it!

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 19:50

Rae he wants me to explain my POV but I can't find the words without sounding grabby.

OP posts:
Shayelle · 15/11/2016 19:52

Did he invite you AtSea ir did you invite him? If he didnt even invite you or suggest anything at all it would be disappointing. Is he nice/kind/generous at other times?

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 19:56

He's nice and quite generous at other times. It was his idea to go out, I suggested a few ideas and he chose dinner, it was quite expensive so I offered to go halves assuming he had got me a gift and the dinner wasn't his treat to me.

OP posts:
Offred · 15/11/2016 19:57

So he did exactly what you asked for and isn't a mind reader and now you are pissed off?!

Hmm
tigerdriverII · 15/11/2016 19:57

Well some people me don't put much store on adults' birthdays. And I think that you made a mistake saying that you didn't want anything - that's easy to misread.

If he's generally nice and you get on well, why would it be over?

UnicornPee · 15/11/2016 19:57

This is where I differ from most girls.
I literally couldn't give a shit about my own birthday or receiving gifts. I would not be bothered one bit. Plus you told him not to get you anything.
Most men are useless at present ideas. And at only a few months together he hardly knows you.

MatildaTheCat · 15/11/2016 19:58

I would just explain that you feel he made no effort at all. A card is almost no effort. Dinner is ok but hardly a big deal if you went halves. Most people appreciate some sort of gesture for their birthday and I'd be wary that he's either tight or lazy. Maybe both.

CocoLoco87 · 15/11/2016 19:58

My DH did this the first birthday we were together. I said don't worry about getting me anything so he didnt! No card etc. He did take me out that evening after I cried at him because I was so disappointed.

We had a frank discussion where we agreed that from that point on we only say what we mean!

Just say you didn't realise he'd take you so literally and that a card would have been nice. He's not a mind reader. Don't worry about sounding grabby - if he really likes you then he won't take it the wrong way.

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 20:00

I just see it as a sign that he doesn't give a shit

OP posts:
coolaschmoola · 15/11/2016 20:01

You told him not to get you a present - but you are upset he didn't because you really wanted him to....

You offered to pay half - but you are upset that he agreed with YOUR suggestion...

You are complaining that someone did what you said/suggested - sheesh. What DO you want?!

Hassled · 15/11/2016 20:02

You have to be a particular sort of idiot to think that when it's the birthday of the person you're dating, you don't get her a card or a present and then you go halves on the meal out. I mean no-one would really think that's normal, would they? So either he lacks any sort of empathy or understanding of social norms, or he does understand but doesn't care.

coolaschmoola · 15/11/2016 20:02

What you are doing is sending mixed signals at best and playing games at worst...

Yet you think HE is at fault?!

Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 20:02

Ha I wanted a fuss! Yes I sound 7, I know.

OP posts:
Original poster
AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 20:05

I'm not playing games, I like him but I'm a bit hurt he didn't get me a card

OP posts:
loveyoutothemoon · 15/11/2016 20:05

You had to pay half?! Tight sod. And no card, not a good sign....

loveyoutothemoon · 15/11/2016 20:06

You don't sound 7.

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