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Original poster

Birthday. Is it over?

170 replies

AtSea1979 · 15/11/2016 19:41

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

OP posts:
YouHadMeAtCake · 15/11/2016 20:26

moon I agree .Your birthday meal, he should have paid , baby sitter and Hal for the bill, that's an expensive Birthday for you! A card and even a box of chocolates or some flowers , despite your plea of no gift. Raines is right. Definitely not a keeper !

Myusernameismyusername · 15/11/2016 20:26

I would and did get new bloke a card and a little present because I just felt that it was a polite and meaningful gesture. Doesn't mean we are getting married. I just wanted to because it was a nice thing to do. So I would not be impressed by the little effort but more so by his lack of awareness that you may be a bit miffed by it

HuskyLover1 · 15/11/2016 20:27

Jeez, just saw the latest posts. Are there really so many women out there, that set the bar so low, that they wouldn't expect even a poxy card, after 8 weeks of dating?

LuluJakey1 · 15/11/2016 20:27

Depends what the 8 weeks have been like. If you are seeing him occasionally, still seeing other people etc, that is one thing, but if you are seeing lots of him, staying over, not seeing other people that's another. What is he like usually - romantic, keen, generous, or very casual?

At 8 weeks DH and I were pretty involved and he was trying very hard to impress me. However, I went out with someone for 6 months nce and knew him less well than I knew DH after a month because it was so casual.

If he was wanting to be at all serious I would have thought he would have done something nice for you- even just a card and dinner. It sounds like he isn't bothered.

I wouldn't be continuing to see him. He hasn't got much feeling for you. You deserve better. Generosity of spirit is a must I think.

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 15/11/2016 20:27

Regardless of what you said/asked for/didn't ask for, it's not rocket science to give a card and some inexpensive flowers for a birthday, jeez!

I would do this for a neighbour if I happened to be having dinner out with them on their birthday, let alone someone I was dating!

Some PPs are just being obtuse, I think.

OP YANBU FlowersCake

user1467976192 · 15/11/2016 20:27

If you want a fuss tell him.. my partner couldn't care less when it's his birthday but he knows I like to celebrate mine so he makes an effort.

whimsical1975 · 15/11/2016 20:27

Oh what a load of utter bollocks!!!! I'm dumbfounded by some of these replies!! OP, to be completely honest I just don't think he could be arsed!!! He had the perfect opportunity here to at least show you he cared whilst still doing as you asked (even if he's that dim that he can't appreciate you offering to pay for half your bday dinner was you just being polite!!!!!) Hmm You said no gift (which again is something most people would say a few weeks in, I mean what else are you going to say without looking very forward and demanding?? You're hardly going to rattle off a gift list!).

He could have picked you flowers for goodness sake! There are a million small, thoughtful things he could have done whilst still "doing what you asked"

As for the meal... I'm assuming you OFFERED to pay half? My guess is that you didn't demand it! He therefore had the choice to either take you up in that offer or politely decline... and the prize tossed chose to accept despite the fact it was your birthday meal... Seriously??!?!!!

No! No! And just, No!

bikerlou · 15/11/2016 20:28

Ok I don't think a gift is appropriate for a two month relationship but he definitely should have treated you to dinner and got you a card. It isn't a good start and after two divorces from tight men I'm very picky now and if they are not generous on occasions like birthdays I will not bother with them.

Offred · 15/11/2016 20:28

Can't get my head around this idea that romance is something men do to women against their stated wishes or that it is ok to be annoyed with someone for not getting that you said something other than you mean!

That said, if you want one of those relationships where a man doesn't respect the things you say he probably isn't the one for you! Just... good luck with that! Confused

MsStricty · 15/11/2016 20:30

I think in future you shouldn't say things you do not mean

This.

The confusion on this thread reflects the confusion between you and your boyfriend, OP, because your communication is not clear. Say what you feel, say what you think, say what you want. And if you can't, then investigate why you can't. This is not your boyfriend's responsibility - not any of it.

Offred · 15/11/2016 20:30

Husky - if I expected a card/gift/whatever I wouldn't say I didn't want anything... Hmm

tiej · 15/11/2016 20:31

Fuck me, there's some tough women on here tonight.

I'm with you OP, he should have declined your offer to pay for your own birthday meal. It's just decent manners, and I bet you would have refused payment if it was his birthday.

Shayelle · 15/11/2016 20:31

What do YOU think, op??

havalina1 · 15/11/2016 20:31

It's not OPs problem! Only a tight git would fail to pay for the meal for the birthday girl! OP he's the one at fault!

AnyFucker · 15/11/2016 20:32

Bottom line, you need to cultivate relationships with people who are on the same wavelength as you

The only way to know that is to not play games and be transparent about what you want/need

It sounds like you two are not compatible. Nothing wrong with that. For example , I would consider Husky's future H's behaviour at only 5 weeks in to be a red flag and would run a mile

It takes all sorts, but it's best the "sorts" are suited

OnionKnight · 15/11/2016 20:32

Why are you whining like a teenager? He did exactly what you asked.

Offred · 15/11/2016 20:33

And at two months in, no matter how much time spent together I probably wouldn't be saying anything about my birthday unless I wanted to see the person on the day in which case I'd ask to see them.

It would be presumptuous to ask for a gift at that stage and it would be silly to say I didn't want anything if I was happy to accept a gift/card/whatever.

ihatefags · 15/11/2016 20:35

You went halves on dinner so you've paid for your own birthday "treat". Hardly pushing the boat out and trying to impress is he?! Nah bin the tight git

Mummyoflittledragon · 15/11/2016 20:35

He wants to discuss this with you. Is that correct? You have two choices. A) you dump him because he did what you asked apart from being mega available. But maybe he had no choice. or B) you tell him how you felt, see how he reacts and keep or dump him.

B) sounds better to me.

And a bit of honesty really does go a long way. Value yourself. He wants or wanted you. Plenty of others would too. If you could do over the answer to his question, what would you say? If you opt for B) you'll be able to tell him. Even if it doesn't work out, you'll have learnt a lot.

topcat2014 · 15/11/2016 20:36

TBH if DW tells me not to get her anything, then I don't..

Fortunately, when we were first going out, money was not an issue - so I tended to pay for most things.

However, if paying half was offered then I would have accepted - this is the 21st century after all.

whimsical1975 · 15/11/2016 20:37

She's not complaining about what he DID do for goodness sake, she's upset by what he DIDN'T do!!!!!!!! Aaaaaarghhhhh!!!!!

Offred · 15/11/2016 20:39

What he didn't do was patronise her by ignoring what she said she wanted...

What he did do was listen to her and treat her like a proper adult who knows her own mind and expresses it adequately to those around her.

Sounds good to me...

DrMorbius · 15/11/2016 20:39

Here's a plan Op, in future why don't you say what you mean and mean what you say

That way, this relationship and all yout relationships that follow may be somewhat easier.

Offred · 15/11/2016 20:41

I hate how much this crap perpetuates this stereotype that women don't say what they really mean and so men had better not listen to what is said and instead apply 'the roolz of what the wimmins all wants' to every situation.

ScrambledSmegs · 15/11/2016 20:41

I'm confused. You went out with a meal with him but he took overtime? How did that work?