Birthday. Is it over?

[AtSea1979]

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

Can't believe people are saying dump him and he doesn't care!

The OP told him not to get her anything, she said she wanted to spend time with him. He planned an expensive meal and then the OP suggested she pay half...

Honestly I can't see anything at all wrong with anything he did. Nothing at all. He took clear directions from his girlfriend and he respected her enough to follow them.

And this is why the OP gets for trying to play stupid games in saying things she doesn't mean.

I think you are being ridiculous and he is probably better off out of this relationship. The guy has done nothing but listen to you and go with what you said and now you are hurt? I think you need to grow up. Say what you mean, people are not able to decipher utter shite from others. Good god COMMUNICATE!!

I get that you said no fuss and you offered to pay half for dinner, but I fail to see how he's not understood that this means he's done absolutely nothing to celebrate your birthday or treat you. Surely anyone would have heard the words but still bought a card, flowers, paid for dinner? That's just common courtesy isn't it.

Ok well I'll over it then

*end

8 weeks. 8. Weeks.
Adjust your expectations. He's not even your boyfriend yet really, let alone a partner. No biggie.

So he has done exactly what you have asked and suggested but you don't like it?

I think in future you shouldn't say things you do not mean

And don't offer to pay half when it is your birthday

Two months isn't a "relationship"... it is dating. He did what you asked. I don't make a fuss of birthdays, and would not turn a hair at this.

Is it really the gifts, or did he just fail to take the opportunity to show you how you are important to him?..in fact by failing to do that he's really given you the opposite impression.

This is why I'm single!

I think he was trying to do what he thought you wanted him to do.

I would feel the same when me and dp first. Started dating was my birthday a cpl of months in he got me beautiful jewelry and perfume and I couldn't help feel impressed that was nearly 2 years ago and he's still the same now with gifts etc we both are it's all about effort but not everyone is like that and it's not just about gifts it's time spent together ect.

Even though I said I wanted time with him rather than the odd snatched couple of hours and he took over time instead?

So you said no present and he took you at your word. Do your nos usually mean the opposite? Stop playing games.

I think you have to suck this one up. He did what you asked him to do. I wouldn't end things just over this if all else is fine. Lesson learned - ask for what you'd like, not the opposite. I get why you're hurt though.

Even though I said I wanted time with him rather than the odd snatched couple of hours and he took over time instead In the real world work is important. Much more so than a date. If I wee seeing someone and they started acting flippantly about work commitments I would seriously question whether or not we had a future together. Assuming you are an adult you really do need to start acting like one. You sound like a 14yo

This is why men don't understand women. Or at least some women.

You got what you asked for. You don't get to now whine that he didn't give you what he couldn't have have you wanted.

If you were my friend's girlfriend and he told me this story, I'd say you were high maintainance. This is not his fault.

*couldn't have known

I think chalk this one up to experience, let it go if he has been nice and makes you happy up til now. Dont sweat on it you could regret it.

How much time did you want?

You went out for a meal together

You're a few weeks in, that's all

Plus he did ask you!!

He took you out for an expensive meal that he had planned. You have been dating 2 months!

It isn't his fault you said you'd pay half if you weren't happy with that!!!

ask for what you'd like, not the opposite. I get why you're hurt though.

Yes, it can be embarrassing to do if you were brought up not to ask or even hint about these things, but IME more men than not will take it literally if you say not to get you anything or that it doesn't matter. (And in some cases they are narked or confused if you later explain that's not what you meant. What else can they not take your word on?)
Modern relationships tend to run on more straight communication than these sort of tacit rules parents and grandparents and old films had.

Ooh red flag.

I met my DH at the end of October (8 years ago) and my birthday is beginning of December. I had card and a huge bouquet of my favourite flowers delivered in a vase by Interflora, with a card declaring love. Only together 5 weeks at that point.

So, you are right, he should and could have done so so so much better.

I'd take a step back if I was you. At this point you are setting boundaries. He needs to know that this is FAR from ok. He sounds like a prize Tit, tbh.

Ok well it's put it in to perspective. Whoever said this nest of vipers always says LTB is wrong