Birthday. Is it over?

[AtSea1979]

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

He made you pay for your birthday meal and didn't even get you a card.

He is not a keeper.

He sounds very lazy/mean spirited OP. Assuming he is not a skint student he should have at least paid for the meal out.

A card and a bunch of flowers would not have killed him either. I wonder what he would be like on his birthday..?

He may well have agonised for days about whether to get you a gift or not, spoken to friends about it and concluded that you said not to make a fuss basically and so he didn't. On the other hand he's a complete moron! If he's generally lovely otherwise then I'd go with the fist option but the fact that you're considering dumping him purely (it seems) based on him not making an effort for your birthday (as instructed ) suggests that he's probably not really doing it for you anyway.
If he is then I would suggest that being very straight with him about your expectations in future is a good place to start.

Husky - she offered to pay half. He was going to pay for it all until she offered.

I wouldn't have offered to pay on those circumstances or told him not to get me anything.

she is showing she is not grabby by saying she values time with him rather than gifts, and he shows he us not a tight bastard by buying lovely flowers and paying gif meal

But that's not what happened though. There were no flowers, lovely or otherwise, and OP paid for her own meal. Or do you mean he's not a tight bastard because he paid for his own meal?

Agreed rubbish

He is a dickhead and has the romance of a block of wood

He sounds tight and /or not into you. You couldn't really answer any other way to his 'i suppose I'll have to get you a present then' than the way you did. He should have asked you if there was anything that you'd like or better yet, just gave bought you a nice little present. He should have absolutely refused you paying your half if your meal.

He is tight and thoughtless. What kind of man lets a woman pay for half of her birthday dinner. And he couldn't even be arsed to buy a card. Lazy, apathetic tight men are the worst. Sack him off OP

He does sound tight but, you did tell him not to get you anything.
The dinner bit was really bad on his part.
Just as an aside, things shouldn't be this difficult after only 2 months.

"what I would have liked was a thoughtful card and a hotel reservation"

So despite explicitly telling him not to get you anything, you actually wanted him to drop a couple of hundred quid on a hotel room? Grow up, learn to communicate like an adult, and stop sulking.

For all he knows, you hate birthdays because they're a reminder of growing older/your terrible childhood/some other random trauma. This is EXACTLY the sort of behaviour that ends up on a Buzzfeed list of how women expect men to be mindreaders.

I got a lovely gift after 2 months for my birthday, from now husband.
I think him asking you about the gift was being a pratt - but you didn't help things (though it was awkward, I do get that), by lying to him.

I make a huge deal of birthdays, and to me, a hotel reservation at 2 months sounds fine.

I feel that he engineered a situation, whether intentionally or not, where you ended up lying about your expectations. I'd have been upset, and I feel that he's been really tight, but I wouldn't necessarily say that things are over. I'd see how it goes in general.

Op you want someone who is going to spoil you. By the sounds of things this is not going to be the man to do that for you. Youre a bad match.
There is your answer happy belated bday. Just end it with him and go spoil yourself!

You do sound incompatible. You're a romantic, he sounds like a pragmatic. Neither of you were wrong. He offered (in a clumsy way) to buy you a present, you declined. He took you out to dinner, and you offered to pay half, he accepted. Many women would be happy with that. Many men would find it unchivalrous. You need to date one of those men!

He's as tight as a duck's arse.

Love like you give a damn, or be alone. Just read that, on fb, where else?! But good advice for OP's bf

Looks like "hes just not that into you" Op. Id end it and move on I think.

I'd be disappointed as well OP.
Can you just tell him your POV.
'Well a card would have been nice and the offer to pay for dinner as I had to also pay the babysitter as it was my birthday! The one thing I wanted was time with you and you booked overtime. I get the message'
Job done

If someone wants to spend time with you on your birthday, they should celebrate it with you- flowers, cake, or pay for your meal.
If they are not going to acknowledge your birthday, then they should expect you to spend it with someone who will- friends and family.

Worst case scenario, he realises he read you wrong and apologises. Not sits waiting for an explanation.

And if you are still waiting for it- LTB never thought I'd type that.

He read her wrong?!

Honestly?

When she actually told him to do the 'wrong' things - 'don't get me anything' and suggesting she paid half!?

I'm so so sick of being treated by men as though I don't know my own mind and don't say how I really feel and women like the OP are the reason!!

It makes me really

I am not really known for my advocacy of men but this guy was set up by op

She said she didn't want a gift. She offered up half for the meal.

Then he is the problem when he doesn't completely ignore her wishes and do the opposite of what she said.

Some responses on this thread set feminism back several decades.

Say what you mean and mean what you say. I don't see why you offered to go halves when he asked what you wanted to do and he chose dinner.

Did you want him to pay for your childcare?

You have been sending confusing signals. But. Going out for dinner with someone on their birthday - partner, friend, relative, colleague, whoever and not giving them a card, that's quite odd. And awkward. I personally would be too embarrassed to take a friend up on their offer of going halves on a meal if it was their birthday unless it was mega expensive and I had already given them a gift. Never mind a new partner.

After two months, if he had made an effort, he would have been accused of being creepy. Two months is nothing, you are acting like a spoilt brat. If you want a present, don't say that you don't want one and then whine when you get nothing.

I'm guessing you are quite young?

I wonder what people would say if OP came in here and complained that she isn't being listened to by the guy she has been seeing for a while.
She asked for no pressies. He overruled her and got her some.
She offered to pay half of the expensive meal but once again, he overruled her and paid everything.
Early signs of control? Abuse?
Run, OP run..?

Men can't win.
They take you at your word out of respect for you, and you complain that they took you at your word.
This is the same as being asked by a partner if you're ok.
"I'm fine" she replies when really she isn't and is desperate for the man to run after her.
sigh
Life isn't a film.