Birthday. Is it over?

[AtSea1979]

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

*For a meal with him

No-one said he had to ignore her! He could have done every single thing she asked... and then actually did something to make her feel as though he actually cared. But maybe he really doesn't and he's just illustrating that

What AF said. Stop playing games! Telling him you didn't want anything when you did, offering to go halves on the meal.

Some people don't make a big thing over birthdays so if you said don't bother I think it is fine that he didn't get you a gift. BUT it is pretty normal in this society to acknowledge people's birthdays, so I would think a nice card with a thoughtful message would be lovely. Not making a big thing, not some thing you hate because he doesn't know your tastes, not some huge bouquet that you have to lug home after dinner. Just a card, that you can pop into your handbag and gives him an opportunity to say something nice to you. And to treat you to dinner, surely nobody pays for their own birthday dinner? After 2 months I would expect him to want to make your birthday a little bit special without going ott which you clearly asked hinm not to.So, unless this was really out of character and he is normally thoughtful and affectionate, I would reconsider the relationship tbh. Do you want to spend time with him?

OP - I'd be apologising for being a bit of a dick about it, resolve not to be confusing in future and try and laugh about it if I were you!

She went out for a meal on the weekend and her birthday was yesterday, when he worked overtime

She's not complaining about what he DID do for goodness sake, she's upset by what he DIDN'T do!!!!!!!! Aaaaaarghhhhh!!!!!

Exactly she is complaining that he DID listen to her. She's upset that he DIDN'T ignore her.

He's either young and doesn't understand symbolism, romance, subtlety etc or he isn't that into you. That said, I wouldn't have a talk to him about it, that screams high maintenance. I'd just shrug it off and see if there's any following action from him that indicates he's not that bothered about your new relationship ie. you always have to text him/make the plans, he doesn't introduce you to anyone else in his life etc If all else is good, make sure he knows you're both doing Christmas presents.

But he shouldn't have asked her whether she wanted a present! It forces her to say "no, no don't worry", because the alternative looks awfully grabby. She can hardly say "Ooh, I've seen these Ugg boots, get me them please" Not at 2 months in, anyway.

He should have enough balls to know, that a card and a bunch of flowers is a nice gesture, as is paying for the meal. He must know, unless he's as thick as mince, that she's paying for a baby sitter.

At 2 months in, as my Mum would say, you are still "doing the dance", it's impossible to be transparent, you don't know each other well enough. I can say things to my DH now, that I would have danced around in the early weeks.

Two months is plenty long enough to get a card and a small present / flowers, AND have him pay for your birthday meal. someone so clueless about social norms is definitely not a keeper.

YANBU (not that you asked that). I'm not in the least bit grabby - besides, anything I want/need in life I can buy for myself, but I'd be hacked off too if my dh did fuck all for my birthday. He always makes an effort - sometimes he comes up with weird ideas, which I'm a bit about, but they always show careful thought and for that I'm really grateful. And he wraps things badly and brings me breakfast in bed and reminds the kids to organise stuff too.

Doesn't take much, really.

BTW Op DON'T tell hm you DON'T want a Christmas present.

Minefield for him

He probably things you're a feminist who does notcaremuch about birthdays, and ge respects that.

Saying the opposite of what you mean(Don't give me a present! Let's go halves!) is such an odd way to behave imo

He's just respecting your wishes, right?

rather than playing 'read my mind' games why the heck don't people just ask for what they want / would like, it seems to be a regular thing on here that someone want something to happen but then plays it in reverse then gets upset when it doesn't happen ! speak up in future for ffs, as for pp slagging this guy off that is a bit rich considering op was playing mind games about her birthay, 'don't get me anything...by the way i'm lying..'wtf ? no wonder men in particular get confused then they are slagged off on here for being dicks, rant over..

If you want a fuss, tell him

Seriously, who does that?!

I didn't say don't get me a card or offer to take me anywhere. He's said "oh it's your birthday next week ... I'll have to get you a present then" I said "don't worry about it, what I really want is to spend some proper time together". Words to that effect.

However what I would have liked was a thoughtful card and a hotel reservation. But like others have said I've over invested and I'm the type of person to be generous and make a fuss so we probably aren't compatible

Dr, I completely disagree and this thread is driving me nuts She's not upset he didn't get her a gift, she's upset he didn't get her a card, or bother to pick her a flower, or in any way really acknowledge it was her birthday!!!

She didn't say to him "I want my birthday to be treated as any other day. Don't make me feel special and don't acknowledge my birthday in any way, shape or form!"

If she had said that then I'd also be telling her to get a grip but she didn't!!!!

She wasn't playing games, she was being polite. Hoping he would be savvy enough to do the right thing. He wasn't.

He said, "Oh, it's your birthday next week ... I'll have to get you a present then."

You've a long way to go in training this one, I'm afraid!

I also feel really uncomfortable when someone asks me if I want a present. Are you meant to say ooh yes please, then choose something?

I think this is about gestures and he got it a bit wrong.

I'm not sure I would entirely write him off but I dunno I think the little things matter. I bought a few things that cost a quid that were BF's favourite food, a silly card etc (I also gave him a book) but if I had asked him he would have indeed said 'no please don't get me anything' to be polite

A hotel reservation?

OnceMoreIntoTheBleach

EXACTLY! No-one does that.

Why do some men need fucking spoon feeding? You've been dating for 2 months.Get her a card and some flowers. It's less than a fucking tenner, you absolute bell end.

Yeah I'm a bit at hotel reservation myself.

I'm not playing games I just find being open about present uncomfortable. Though I did say I'm a big kid when it comes to birthdays and Christmas. After he made a comment at the ott Halloween decorations

I'll have to get you a present then."

I mean, how is one supposed to respond to that? "Yes, and make sure it's an expensive one?"
The OP said the only socially acceptable thing: "Ooh, no, don't worry."

Only an idiot would take her at face value.