Birthday. Is it over?

[AtSea1979]

So been seeing a guy a couple of months, hardly relationship I know.
I told him not to get me anything and I'd be happy just spending time with him. I was lying obviously! But aside from no present (that's my own fault). He took overtime and didn't even get me a card. He did make time to go out for dinner but it's cost me £30 for babysitter and we went halves on the meal.
I asked him why the odd behaviour re my birthday and he says he's no idea what I'm talking about. It is me or should two months in be kind of tripping over each other to impress each other etc?
He's waiting for me to explain what MY problem is, I have no reply that doesn't sound grabby but I am genuinely disappointed that he didn't get me a card with nice words.

AF, she said she wanted time - as in to see him on the day. He worked overtime instead.

I think "oh you don't have to do that" is something that people say to be polite, rather than a command.

If he could afford to pay for both, I think he should have done. I'm sure her friends would have done that for her - he's describing himself as her boyfriend.

I'd knock this one on the head, OP. He sounds tight and he sounds as though he's not that bothered.

He's old news. Get rid.

After 2 months of dating you don't get to veto someone's overtime. That would be needy and controlling

Just saw how the convo went. Saying it's your birthday in a couple of weeks and I'll have to get you a present would have irritated me.

I'd have probably not responded and waited to see what happened on my birthday. Yes, a card would have been sensible of him and he should have declined the offer to pay half.

I wouldn't have expected a hotel reservation after 2 months though.

Why make excuses for this man? The OP is not playing games fgs! She is a normal person who is having a birthday. Of course her boyfriend should have got her a gift - at the very least! Even if she had only been seeing him for a week. How can he not even pay for dinner on her birthday?!! What planet is he on? OP, I don't know how you can be bothered with him at all.

He should have at least got you a bloody card. You'd do that for a friend, why not for someone you are dating?

He's sounds a knob the way he spoke to you about the present.

What's he like generally?

I think the two extremes here are both wrong.

Perfectly reasonable of him to have not bought her a present having been told not to and two months in whether he should have worked overtime on your birthday is borderline - I agree that possibly 2 months is too early to be messing with your work arrangements (though it really depends on the overtime)

But I am amazed that folks think you offering to pay half when realising that it was more expensive than you'd thought was a requirement on his part to take you up on that! Surely people politely offer things all the time (note people not women) and if you're hard up then you might have to take them up on it but otherwise when it's someones birthday and you can afford it then surely you politely decline their offer.

I suspect he doesn't have kids and hasn't clocked how expensive babysitting can be, so I;d give him a pass on that one. It's happened to me - to the point I rarely date men who don;t have children but they just don;t get the practicality/expense involved in sorting childcare.

So is he hard up enough to be OK about taking your contribution to dinner? Or is he just being tight and he didn't want to pay for you?

I think you are missing the minefield that is feminism and paying for dinner equals owing sex/disrespecting women kewcumber!

If someone I had just started seeing told me that they didn't want me to get them anything for their birthday, I wouldn't get them a card. Much less a hotel reservation!

He sounds like a like a tight arsed lazy git. Telling someone they don't need to get you a present doesn't mean no card and no treat on your birthday. A card is the absolute bare minimum. DH is utterly clueless about presents and birthdays but even he would have turned up with a card and flowers. Hell, he bought me earrings for my birthday and we'd been together for a fortnight. It's not hard.

Based on what you told him, he shouldn't have got you a present (sorry, you did tell him not to!) but he should have got you a light-hearted card and insisted on paying for dinner.

"Men can't win"... had to pick myself up off the floor once I'd finished laughing!! Yup, this poor bloke has it rough, poor thing, I mean imagine him having to try to liven up one of his two brain cells so that he could think for himself about what to do for OP's birthday... We are in fact talking about a birthday card here and not about "overruling" ones' decision on birth control!!!!

But OP I think that if you choose to continue seeing this gem then for goodness sake please suck all potential for fun, surprise, romance, spontaneity and individuality out of the relationship by telling him exactly what to do and how to behavior on a daily basis! Apparently he needs this

You said you didn't want anything for your birthday AND you offered to go halves on the meal. He agreed and complied with both requests yet you're pissed off with him. Clearly he's not into subtle messages. Be straight with him. Tell him what you want and stop the coy behaviour. The poor bloke can't do right for doing right

Husky

It was my birthday a couple of months after I started seeing DP.

I asked him not to get me anything.

I meant it.

I don't "do" birthdays, as I think making a fuss for an adult birthday is silly. Obviously I do for the kids.

The DCs didn't know about him so I didn't want to have to explain a card or flowered being delivered.

I would have been really pissed off if he had ignored my wishes and overruled the "no present" request or insisted on buying dinner if I'd offered to go halves.

Can you see how what you said could have caused the confusion?

Re overtime - perhaps he googled the restaurant saw it was costly and decided to do overtime to pay for it?

I'm not making excuses for him, but if you want something then you have to say what you mean.

" I shall have to get you a present" - surely if you want one the reply would be "how thoughtful, that would be lovely!"

Or if you really meant you didn't want one then "no but a card would be nice"

Or if you wanted him to pay for the meal "don't worry about a present, how about you buy me dinner"

"Oh It's your birthday in a few weeks, I'll have to get you a present"

" oh some Nutella, I think I'll make a sandwich"

" oh I have to get petrol"

"Oh sausage rolls are half price, I have to put some in my trolley"

To me it sounds like he remembered it was OPs birthday and made an offhand remark about getting her a present, if not hinting whether she would like one and she said no, don't worry.

She also stated that she chose the restaurant was more expensive, so if they normally go for a £10 pub lunch for a treat and this was £90 each he may have taken it that she was somewhat uneasy about it costing that much or for all we know he works a minimum wage/ low paid job and had to do overtime to afford it all

In the days of facebook and other social media, many people do not give birthday cards

However, paying half for a meal on your birthday I think is unnacceptable

I think it looks like putting in zero effort

Is he really the person for you ?

OP have you spoken to him about it?