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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can't sleep...DP punched me earlier

164 replies

yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:19

He's snoring away next to me now, I just feel so weird and can't settle.

I think i just need a bit of perspective. I've tried to write this post a few times now and I feel like it sounds so petty. I would really appreciate other opinions on it.

I asked DP a question earlier while we were watching Telly. He didn't answer me so I nudged him with my knee. He then grabbed my leg and punched it very hard twice. I immediately burst into tears because of the shock and pain and then came upstairs. There is a large lump and a bruise already starting to show.

He has never ever been violent before and I definitely don't feel scared of him, just shocked.

Don't really know what to do with myself now

OP posts:
marmitecrumpets · 15/10/2016 23:20

I'm sorry that happened :(
What has he said about it??

DeathByMascara · 15/10/2016 23:21

Sorry this has happened to you. Has he been aggressive towards you ih other ways before or was this completely out of the blue?

BastardGoDarkly · 15/10/2016 23:21

Wtaf?! Not surprised you can't sleep! I'd be devastated.

Have you got children together?

NoCapes · 15/10/2016 23:22

Oh I'm not surprised you can't sleep Sad
What did he say/do when you cried?

Do you have a spare bed or somewhere else you could sleep? I think some physical distance is most definitely needed here

Onedaftmonkey · 15/10/2016 23:22

What a twat. Punch him back in the balls the next time he asks you a question. Wanker.

nonameavaliable · 15/10/2016 23:24

Has he said anything?

Do you want to chat through things?

How are you feeling? Dumb question I know but it's worth taking a moment and thinking about it.

Tbh (i know you did ask for an opinion) but once is to much. You have to have a zero tollerance policy on violence in your relationship.

Original poster
yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:25

He texted from downstairs to say sorry straight afterwards and he said sorry when he came up to bed too.

There's no other bedrooms - I could go and sleep on the sofa but I would wake him up when I got out of bed. Don't really want to talk to him.

OP posts:
Ohdearducks · 15/10/2016 23:25

What the fuck? You're not being petty he's physically assaulted you to the point you're injured and bruised. Can you get up and pack a bag and go to a friend or family member for the night? Call the police while you're there and report it. He's not your DP anymore this is not the action of a person who loves you, it's abusive and you must take action to protect yourself. I'm sorry OP to be so blunt but you're doubting yourself and I want to be clear that you're not overreacting or being petty at all.

janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 23:27

I'd go and sleep elsewhere even if it were the car, just to make a very definite point. Do you have any friends nearby?

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:27

The thing that should stand out to you is he has never done this before........but he did it so casually the first time

Massive alarm bells.
There is no excuse of we were arguing. I hit him. I wound him up

He walloped you.
Leave as soon as you can.
He has set the bar tonight.
If you give him this he will ALWAYS beat you. Trust me. If you dont stop this now he never will.

Original poster
yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:27

Bastard we have two young children together and are supposed to be getting married next year.

OP posts:
HeddaGarbled · 15/10/2016 23:27

This is how it starts sweetheart. If you don't leave him now, next time it will be worse. What's your situation? Children? Family you can go to? Ignore onedaftmonkey who has posted one of the stupidest replies to an incidence of domestic violence that I have ever read on here.

8FencingWire · 15/10/2016 23:28

If I Was your mother, I'd like you to come home. Now. Or call me and I'll come and get you.
He punched you. Get out of there.

Somerville · 15/10/2016 23:29

Please don't punch him back as he will probably retaliate.

First you could move away from him. To a spare bedroom or the sofa or even in the bathroom and lock the door.

Then you could take a photo of your leg.

And then you could have a think about what you would do if someone came up to you in the street and punched you. You would probably consider it to be assault and phone the police, right? That's what this is too and to keep yourself safe then phoning the police would be ideal.

If that is too intimidating you could call Women's Aid or a friend or family member.

He won't stop being physically abusive now he's started. Please keep yourself safe.

janethegirl2 · 15/10/2016 23:30

Yes, I agree, get the fuck out of there, even if it means sleeping in a mates house or in your car.

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:30

What a twat. Punch him back in the balls the next time he asks you a question. Wanker.

Are you fucking stupid?

Original poster
yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:31

I don't really just want to up and leave the kids here, sorry if that sounds really stupid Sad

OP posts:
BastardGoDarkly · 15/10/2016 23:33

Think that's a yes Izzy

OP, if you're sure you're safe tonight, then getting the children out of bed to leave would probably be too much for you.

But please please think about asking him to leave for a bit at least tomorrow, or you and the children going elsewhere.

cathaka15 · 15/10/2016 23:33

Of course. Don't leave your dc there. Go and sleep on the sofa and take a pic of your leg.
Call a family member or friend.

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:34

Bastard we have two young children together and are supposed to be getting married next year.

Never marry someone who is violent.
1 punch leafs to 2 then three then before you know it you are trapped snd blaming yourself.

I am 39 years old and had many relationships. No man who has ever loved me has punched me or hurt mr physically.

IT IS NOT THE NORM TO BE PUNCHED BY YOUR BF/DH/DP.

Somerville · 15/10/2016 23:34

People who types to just get out were cross posting with you and hadn't seen you had kids, as I hadn't in my last post either.

This must be a huge shock but your first priority has to be keeping them safe. You need to phone the police.

NoCapes · 15/10/2016 23:35

So what if you wake him up getting out of bed?
You can't just let him physically assault you, apologise by text then casually get into bed next to you like nothing's happened

If he asks where you're going you tell him you need to get away from him, or if you're worried how he'll react just say you're getting a drink/going to the loo etc

You need to send a clearer message OP
You removed yourself immediately afterwards, but now he's half heartedly apologised it's ok for him to be in your personal space again?

Atenco · 15/10/2016 23:35

I know having two small children makes it seem harder, but actually this makes it more of an imperative for you to leave, OP, or call the police, show them your injury and get them to take him away.

IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:35

I don't really just want to up and leave the kids here, sorry if that sounds really stupid sad
No not stupid
Perfecty sane. As long as you leave/kick him out tomorrow.

nonameavaliable · 15/10/2016 23:38

Don't leave the kids with him.

Do you have family / friend that you can call? Preferably dad, brother, male friend???

Biggest mistake I ever made in my life was talking a very good life long mate out of coming to pick me up when my then boyfriend hit so hard that he broke my nose and damage my eye socket. That was the first time and came out of no where and believe me it got a lot worse.

Ok practical head who owns / rents the house?