Can't sleep...DP punched me earlier

[yorkshireblonde]

He's snoring away next to me now, I just feel so weird and can't settle.

I think i just need a bit of perspective. I've tried to write this post a few times now and I feel like it sounds so petty. I would really appreciate other opinions on it.

I asked DP a question earlier while we were watching Telly. He didn't answer me so I nudged him with my knee. He then grabbed my leg and punched it very hard twice. I immediately burst into tears because of the shock and pain and then came upstairs. There is a large lump and a bruise already starting to show.

He has never ever been violent before and I definitely don't feel scared of him, just shocked.

Don't really know what to do with myself now

I think you have to ask yourself what would have happened if he had inflicted such an injury on someone else, someone out of the family. He could be convicted of ABH or assault. Just because you are his partner the rules are no different. Assault is assault. Do not marry this man.

I hope he's now gone, and you've spoken to the police, or at least taken a photo of your bruised leg

It's not acceptable to live with violence, or the threat of violence

Hi guys, thanks again for all your messages.

I woke him before the kids early this morning and asked him to leave. We talked for a while and he eventually left. He is staying with his parents and has asked me to drop him some work clothes off which I'll do later after DD's nap.

I'm unsure of what the next steps are - I think as some of you have said I need to look back for signs I might previously have missed?

Thank you again for all the support and letting me know I'm not just being silly

Ok great well done you for getting out of the house.

First thing now is to take a deep breath

Talk to someone in really life.

Get legal advice, you don't have to do anything with it but it good to know where you stand.

Find out financially where you stand. What if any benefits would you be eligible? Child support?

Whose name is the house in?

Consider talking to the police, dv is serious. Yes I know he's gone atm, but no one knows what your decision will be in the future. It best to get things on record.

Try to eat and drink and look after yourself.

Oh sorry here's a unmumsnetty hug for doing so well.

Good to see you OP.

I think your next step is to talk to the police. But if you don't want to, then more generally you need to take some time to decide what you want to happen next. That will mean some hard reflection on your relationship.

Personally, I don't see a way back from this, but you aren't me.

Have you told anyone IRL? You could really do with someone who knows you to share with.

If you don't go to the police, please get your injury seen by the GP, though. If you don't end it now, it's highly likely it will happen again, andvworse.

The next step is walking into a police station and reporting it.

Sorry to hear what happened to you (I haven't read the whole of the thread)

If DP were to do that to me, it would be enough for me to leave him

I think the next immediate step is to sit down and catch your breath. You've been through the mill during the last 24 hours. It's Sunday, try to regroup. Perhaps call someone (your parents) in RL and talk. Perhaps make a list of questions and concerns.

Tomorrow, bright and early, find a solicitor. Talk to WA and/or the police.

Just out of curiosity, do you know if he told his parents the real reason you asked him to leave? That can speak volumes about what he thinks about what he did.

My ex dh was like this, it was never actually punching me in the face, but pulling my hair, grabbing me a bit too hard, calling me names, that kind of thing. I was married to him for 10 years and he never changed. I wish I hadn't ignored the huge red flags at the start of our relationship.

It is abuse. Simple.

Nudging him is just as bad?

Would tapping him on the shoulder to get his attention be abusive too?

I think I've heard it all, now.

How is a nudge a physical assault

I nudge my kids frequently. Call the NSPCC

Hope you are ok OP

If you think about it properly, there will be other little instances that you will remember that you didn't think important at the time.

He can't be a nice man (however hard he tries to disguise it).
You and your kids deserve better.

Ignore LovesPeace, OP, clearly an ironic name for someone looking fIr a fight.

stay with him and he'll do it again.
he'll probably have a go at the kids in the future too.
do his parents know he punched you?

do you just love how woman-beaters always are happily snoring like billy-o after having attached their partners?? what's that all about? no sleepless nights for them. i suppose the beating tires them out.

Just to clarify what happened...I was laid down with my legs on his lap. When he didn't respond I moved one of my legs and "nudged" his stomach very gently. Nothing aggressive or forceful

OP please do not explain yourself. Everyone apart from the idiot know there is a vast difference between a nudge and a punch.
For some reason LP is trying to make you feel to blame or that you deserved it. I suspect they are a women beating scumbag.

You did nothing wrong OP. NOTHING.

Ignore the nudging comment. Glad you're okish. Will you be reporting this?

That's what I often do with my DC. Move my legs or poke with a toe. We often sit all kind of draped together like that. It's not a shove. Sometimes I even do a tickle nudge.

You are not overreacting.

I know, it's how it starts.

You're so shocked, it's out of the blue, for no reason. It's like you brain is trying to tell you 'No, that couldn't have possibly just happened.'

And everything will go straight back to normal. For now. Until next time.

And then it happens again, gradually more and more until it's normal.

Please op stick to your guns. I could have saved myself years of agony and degradation if I'd really paid attention to that very first shock, if I hadn't swept it under my mental carpet.