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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can't sleep...DP punched me earlier

164 replies

yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:19

He's snoring away next to me now, I just feel so weird and can't settle.

I think i just need a bit of perspective. I've tried to write this post a few times now and I feel like it sounds so petty. I would really appreciate other opinions on it.

I asked DP a question earlier while we were watching Telly. He didn't answer me so I nudged him with my knee. He then grabbed my leg and punched it very hard twice. I immediately burst into tears because of the shock and pain and then came upstairs. There is a large lump and a bruise already starting to show.

He has never ever been violent before and I definitely don't feel scared of him, just shocked.

Don't really know what to do with myself now

OP posts:
Lilacpink40 · 15/10/2016 23:45

You sound really together and emotionally normal. He sounds like he's full of pent-up anger and mentally unstable (willing to physically hurt, then assuming a "sorry" fixes it).

Do you have anyone that could come to your home tomorrow to help you pack his stuff and to call him to collect it?

If the same person could be ready to call the police and stay with you for a few days and nights that could really help.

If you don't, there will be domestic abuse support groups in your area if you contact your council or look online.

You don't deserve this Flowers

Original poster
yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:46

I woke him up and asked him to leave, I think he just thought I meant the room as he said he'd sleep on the sofa.

I managed to say "you physically assaulted me earlier" and he replied "I'm sorry I did a bad thing" and then went back to sleep.

I know I should be stronger and forcing him out but I just don't think I can.

Would the police even be interested?

OP posts:
IzzyIsBusy · 15/10/2016 23:48

Yes. Its assult. It is never allowed as far as the.law is concerned.
However you have to do your part too.

OP if leaving/him leaving is not an option tonight thats ok.
You need to do this when it is SAFE for you.

Corialanusburt · 15/10/2016 23:49

How does he dare be snoring away beside you after doing that. If you waver and think 'oh well he's not normally like this', just imagine if your daughter told you her boyfriend had done that to her. You wouldn't let her tolerate it.

MrsBertBibby · 15/10/2016 23:49

Yes they absolutely would. If you don't call them tonight, get out with the kids and call them in the morning. Show them your injuries. Photograph them now.

PickAChew · 15/10/2016 23:49

He doesn't sound particularly "D" after doing that :(

If he won't leave in the morning, you need to get some space between you by whatever means it takes. Of course, the arrangements regarding lease/mortgage or whatever has a bearing on this, but the important thing is that he never has an opportunity to do this to you ever again (or start on the kids, for that matter).

ayeokthen · 15/10/2016 23:50

I'm so sorry OP, what a horrible thing he did to you. Yes, the police would be interested. If you call them, don't minimise it, no matter how tempted you are, you have to tell them exactly what happened. It's not petty, its domestic violence.

IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 15/10/2016 23:51

If you can't sleep and he's out of the way, can you organise yourself in a practical way? Sorting finances, perhaps packing to make things smoother/easier tomorrow?

WorraLiberty · 15/10/2016 23:52

Fuck me, he doesn't sound very sorry considering he's fallen asleep twice.

Sorry but he sounds very relaxed indeed.

Make sure you take a photo of the injury.

AdoraBell · 16/10/2016 00:04

Yes, the police will be interested, as will Women's Aid. Are you near your family or friends, anyone who can support you?

Is your leg bruised? If so take a photo and email it to someone you can trust with a brief explanation of why. Then see your GP, because your leg is rather sore after being punched by the DC's father.

It sounds like he is minimising and thinks a simple 'oh, sorry' is enough. So he isn't likely to leave without a fight. You need the police to be aware when that happens.

Above all DO NOT MARRY HIM. That will make it a million times hardy to get away.

Thanks look after yourself and get support.

ThereIsNoFelange · 16/10/2016 00:06

If he won't leave now, you leave with the kids first thing in the morning, OP.

Show them that that isn't acceptable. Don't hang around for him to do it again.

He doesn't love you. There is no excuse for that. Get out, before he does further damage.

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 00:07

yes they would.

How is your relationship otherwise? Has this come completely out of the blue or do you have to watch what you say or worry if the dc are noisy etc

I think often there are a lot of signs which can be missed or overlooked because you don't want to see them.

This will only get worse. Call the police, have him arrested and then sort out your life on your own. You don't need a man like this.

NoCapes · 16/10/2016 00:08

I did a bad thing Hmm no fucking shit Sherlock!

Yes OP the police will be very very interested, especially with children being involved

Do not let him convince you that this isn't a big deal (as he clearly thinks it isn't)
It is
It is a huge deal

Flowers
ILoveAutumnLeaves · 16/10/2016 00:10

Is there any chance he might have taken drugs legal or illegal?

It sounds very odd, to have come so completely out of the blue, he's sort of half apologised three times but had no trouble sleeping at all. A bit strange.

Original poster
yorkshireblonde · 16/10/2016 00:13

Thank you so much for all the replies and support. I will be putting things in place for him to leave in the morning.

While I know that what he's done is unacceptable, I feel like I must have done something to bring it on. I have struggled massively with postnatal depression since our daughter was born last year, maybe I've just been a bit too difficult?
I am very lucky to have very supportive parents, and they have done lots to help out while I have been unwell so I am also conscious of becoming a burden to them.

For now, I'm just going to try and get some rest in order to deal with tomorrow. I'm sure I'll be back again to talk in the morning.

Thank you again for taking the time to reply, it means a lot.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 16/10/2016 00:14

Yes the Police would get involved if you reported what he'd done to you.

Do you think he'd leave in the morning if you ask him to OP?
If your not sure or your scared to ask him could you ring a family member or close friend in the morning tell them what's happened and ask them to come round to be with you when you tell him to leave?

elmo4 · 16/10/2016 00:14

www.nhs.uk/Livewell/abuse/Pages/domestic-violence-help.aspx

oh poor you..... please know that nothing you could ever say or do would make what he did ok. It is abuse. Absolutely unacceptable.
And I totally get that right now as it's a shock you can't make decisions about the future. But I think the comment about taking a picture of your injury is a good idea.... in case you need it as evidence later - even if just to remind yourself.
Also please tell someone else - someone who knows you, don't deal with this alone.... you need to make it 'real'...... I say this as having experienced a form of abuse myself I found I only really realised how bad it was when others were shocked and disgusted yet I felt numb.

ohtheholidays · 16/10/2016 00:16

Please don't blame yourself OP,that's how people end up staying in an abusive relationship they blame themselves,it was because of that that it took me 7 years to get out of an abusive marriage.

The victim is never to blame,that's all you need to rememeber!

JellyBelli · 16/10/2016 00:20

Photograph the bruise. Phone Womens Aid in the morning and get support. Yes the police would help you.

Dont minimise this and dont blame yourself.

EmNetta · 16/10/2016 00:22

A couple of painkillers will probably help with the pain so you can sleep too, or better still, some numbing -type cream like Biofreeze, until you can see a doctor tomorrow.

Hope there is someone nearby who can help you, but do please report it to the police and phone Women's Aid or similar to help with safe separation - while you still can.

jayisforjessica · 16/10/2016 00:26

Please take a photo of it. Without evidence it comes down to your word against his. Please contact the police. They're obligated to at least make a record of it. That way when it happens again, there's precedent, a paper trail. Facts.

Please, in the morning, tell him you're taking the kids out for a stroll and just leave. Go to the police station. Report him. Nobody just punches out of the blue like that and then never does it again. This latent violence has always been within him. It is extremely unlikely that it will be the only time this happens.

This is not your fault, but please, do everything in your power to protect yourself and your children moving forward.

AdoraBell · 16/10/2016 00:28

You didn't do anything to bring this on.

Remember that.

He chose his behaviour. The only way it could be excused is if he was defending himself against someone stronger and bigger than he is, after being attacked. My guess is that you are neither bigger nor stronger than he is and you certainly didn't attacke him.

Speak to your parents. They wouldn't want you to suffer abuse just so they have more free time, would they?

TyrionLannisterforKing · 16/10/2016 00:29

It is never the victim's fault, OP. Nothing justifies violence.

1- If you are still awake, can you pack a bag of essencials, in case he refuses to leave?
2- You have your phone with you. Snap a picture.
3- Call the police. This is what they exist for. I remember going to a court as part of my studies when in Canada - there was 1 murder case, 1 drug case, and all the others were domestic violence ones. So they will be interested.

BoomBoomsCousin · 16/10/2016 00:32

The reasonable response to the difficulties of living with someone with postnatal depression is not to punch them when it all gets too much. You haven't brought this on yourself, he's done it to you. The only person who could have stopped that punch is him. It was his decision to punch you. He could have done anything else, but he didn't, he punched you. Excuses that lay the blame elsewhere are absurd. It is common to try and search for them because it is horrifying to think this person who you let in your bed and share such intimate moments with can just decide to deliberately hurt you instead. But that's what he did.

SortAllTheThings · 16/10/2016 00:36

You poor thing. You feel like you've made his life difficult though having PND? :( it's awful that you feel that way.

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