Can't sleep...DP punched me earlier

[yorkshireblonde]

He's snoring away next to me now, I just feel so weird and can't settle.

I think i just need a bit of perspective. I've tried to write this post a few times now and I feel like it sounds so petty. I would really appreciate other opinions on it.

I asked DP a question earlier while we were watching Telly. He didn't answer me so I nudged him with my knee. He then grabbed my leg and punched it very hard twice. I immediately burst into tears because of the shock and pain and then came upstairs. There is a large lump and a bruise already starting to show.

He has never ever been violent before and I definitely don't feel scared of him, just shocked.

Don't really know what to do with myself now

I think we are all zero tolerance to physical abuse but I think there has to be a level of reason here and touching someone gently to get their attention is not on this level.

I think it's pretty shitty you would make OP feel that this was in any way her fault.

If social services were to include tapping, nudging, patting etc as abuse the service would go into complete meltdown.

Talk about a complete over-reaction and skewing of reality.

I think it's pretty shitty you would make OP feel that this was in any way her fault.

I think that is LPs only goal. Hopefully it will leave the thread and go back under its rock.

Thinking of you OP.

Oh do go away L.P. A gentle nudge is nothing compared to what her dp did. How can you even think it is the same thing?

Op I am glad you have asked him to leave. You have made it clear that his actions are totally unacceptable. Be kind to yourself and try to talk to someone in rl if you can. Also photograph any bruises just in case

How is a nudge aggressive? If it was a nudge to attract his attention because he'd been ignoring her, I honestly fail to see how it is even in the same ball park as pinning her leg and punching her, hard, twice.

Loves the sad thing is we're far from miserable. We have two beautiful children, a lovely little house, supportive families. The life we have spent the last five years building together is pretty blissful.

The hardest thing to get my head around is that this has come from the man I love.

Control your temper, Izzy.

Yorkshire I wouldn't pay attention to this ridiculous notion.

I'm sorry for what you are going through. It must be hard to understand. What's happening now, he has left now but what will you do long term?

yorkshireblonde I know how hard this is for you to process and to believe. It took me years to leave, and by then I was broken. There's always a "first time" and this was it. I'm so sorry he did this to you.

Lots of angry abusive people on this thread - I always think verbal (or in this case written) abuse is the first sign of a lack of control/responsibility.

Yorks - what do you want to do? The best guide to future behaviours is past behaviours as they say; punching hard enough to hurt is not something you would want to repeat.

LP shut up.
U have reported your posts as i feel your take on the OPs physical assult could be dangerous for her and her children. With any luck mnhq will ban you but i doubt it.

Him leaving needs to be permanent. Make sure he knows that.

It is hard to get your head around what's happened, but if the blissful life was really blissful, he would not have done what he did.

He will make excuses, he will apologise, he will beg, he will plead and nothing in your shared past will indicate he is violent.

But the fact is, any man who does what he did and then brushes it under the carpet, doesn't immediately run off to find help for some kind of mental breakdown, has the potential to do it again, and again, not just to you but to your children.

No man who loves and respects you, would do what he did to you.

Worst thing you can do is stay Yorkshire

It took me 5 years, a coma and 9 days in a psychiatric hospital to get rid of my abusive ex.

I'm now happily married and he's beating up his new parter they never change

Go to the police. They will have a word with him, maybe that will be enough for him to realise how far over the line he was and never do it again.

If the police come to see him at his mums then I expect she will impress upon him how far wrong he was too.

If he does do it again, then going to the police now means everyone will take you even more seriously next time.

When the DC ask about the bruise on your leg, are you planning to lie to them? Are you planning to hide it from everyone else? Told anyone yet? Are you thinking that the most important thing is to protect the outside image of your family? My parents did that. Big mistake.

LovesPeace Did you have a partner at one point who would shove (and hurt) you and call it a nudge?

A genuine "nudge" - by definition - is a gentle, non-violent form of contact. I quite often nudge my shoulder against dh's when we are company and I want to get his attention without anyone else noticing. In early days it was to make him aware that it had been a good 3 hours since we had ripped each other's clothes off and that was at least 2 hours too long and shall we make an excuse and leave. Nearly 18 years later it is far more likely to mouth "Awww" because one of the kids have said something adorable or to pull a face because his annoying second cousin has been talking about his favourite designer shirts and how he can't imagine how anyone can bear to wear non designer shirts for over an hour and isn't showing any sign of drawing breath yet.....