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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Can't sleep...DP punched me earlier

164 replies

yorkshireblonde · 15/10/2016 23:19

He's snoring away next to me now, I just feel so weird and can't settle.

I think i just need a bit of perspective. I've tried to write this post a few times now and I feel like it sounds so petty. I would really appreciate other opinions on it.

I asked DP a question earlier while we were watching Telly. He didn't answer me so I nudged him with my knee. He then grabbed my leg and punched it very hard twice. I immediately burst into tears because of the shock and pain and then came upstairs. There is a large lump and a bruise already starting to show.

He has never ever been violent before and I definitely don't feel scared of him, just shocked.

Don't really know what to do with myself now

OP posts:

AcrossthePond55 · 16/10/2016 17:31

Please don't let him come back. Honestly, I think you shouldn't even speak to him at all for a few days. You need headspace.

I suggest you speak to his mother, tell her that you will put the clothes on the front step and ask that she keep him away from you. If you don't feel comfortable asking her for help, text him that you do not want to talk to him and ask him to stop trying to communicate with you for the next 48 hours. Is there a way to put his clothes in his (or his mother's) car rather than take them to the door?

MNHQ

PresidentOliviaMumsnet · 16/10/2016 17:43

Evening all
We understand that emotions are running high here but we'd ask people to remember our guidelines
Thanks
MNHQ

ohfourfoxache · 16/10/2016 18:12

Please don't crack. You've done the hardest part, the first step needs the most courage.

This "man" (I say this loosely) is an abusive cunt. You deserve better.

Atenco · 16/10/2016 18:30

MrsBertBibby · 16/10/2016 18:54

OP, don't get pressured into letting him back in. You need time to process what he did, and what that means. Whatever you decide (and there's a good reason the weight of opinion on here is not to let him back at all) you need to have space to make it. If he had any respect for you, or shame at what he'd done, he would leave you alone now.

Your son has no idea what wanting his dad means to you. Don't get sucked in.

Fidelia · 16/10/2016 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MycatsaPirate · 16/10/2016 19:33

I understand the pressure of letting them back because they promise they won't do it again, will seek help, the kids miss him etc etc.

But he did do it again. And again. And eventually I found the courage to end it once and for all and to press charges.

Please don't feel you need to do what anyone is telling you on here. We are mostly coming from the experience of several years ago, we are stronger and can see what life is like with an abuser and know the patterns your own relationship will go through.

Just keep talking to us, take advice from professionals if you want/need to and don't hide away if you take him back. If anyone gives you a hard time for doing that I will personally report them myself. I know how hard it is, I know how out of the blue it can be and how it can be minimised in your head as a 'one off' or you provoked him. Everyone here will tell you (myself included) that it's not true and you need to leave.

But knowing you need to end things and actually doing it are two very different things and it's really hard. I think we all just want you to be safe and worry that if he comes back he will do it again. And again.

AdoraBell · 16/10/2016 19:36

Can you get a friend to take his things round? And tell them that whatever he says to them they must not tell you. It would be best if a man does this for you, do you have any brothers or cousins you are close to? Or your Dad, could he do it?

Angelil · 16/10/2016 19:45

I agree with AdoraBell. Try to avoid going there yourself if at all possible. Wishing you the very best of luck for the future.

twattymctwatterson · 16/10/2016 21:59

Please don't take him back OP. He WILL do this again. He's not sorry. He has waited until you have a child and are planning a wedding to show you who he really is because he thinks he has you now

ImaLannister · 16/10/2016 22:25

OP hope you are ok. Do what you believe is the right thing to do, whatever that may be. Don't feel pressured to do something you don't want to do. Only you know what is right

iminshock · 16/10/2016 22:25

Right get your pitchforks out to hound me off mumsnet.
About 20 years ago my partner did something similar.
He never did it again.

I actually hit a partner once. Really hard.
I never did it again either.

Both events , it goes without saying , were completely unacceptable. Indefensible. But both were one offs.

Dear OP , do what is best for you , and for your family. You are under no obligation whatsoever to end your marriage because the mumsnet
Consensus tells you to.
YOU decide what to do. It might well be to end things.
It might be to let him
back home and work things out.
You don't have to answer to any of us.

iminshock · 16/10/2016 22:28

With apologies to everyone for whom the first time was not the last .
I have no experience of that and hope I never will.
And I hope OP won't either.

bikerlou · 16/10/2016 23:21

Totally unacceptable, this could well escalate from now on. I think you should leave as soon as possible.

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