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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Fiancé didn't come home last night

577 replies

Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 21:45

My finance went it last night, I dropped him at the pub and 2am he text me saying he was at his mates house and he'll be home soon! He is still not home (it's nearly 10pm) now next night and I'm worried sick. His mum said she saw him with 3 lads at 11.30am and he ran past her house so she thinks he is probably asleep at a mates house sleeping off a hangover. I can't help but worry myself sick and think the worst

OP posts:
Nocabbageinmyeye · 11/09/2016 22:13

Has he ever done this before? Did his mum say he was sober/in good form, what did he say? I can only imagine how worried you are

Myusernameismyusername · 11/09/2016 22:16

How old is he? 16? This is totally irresponsible behaviour from an adult man. What are you realistically worrying about? It sounds as though he's chosen to on a bender and doesn't give a crap about how it might make you feel.
I'm all for couples independence and having friends but this kind of behaviour is awful

Has he done this before?
Is it likely he has taken drugs and doesn't want to face you till he's completely sobered up? That's my main thought

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:35

He has done this before and I have been so angry and told him I cannot put up with it. The other times he has surfaced in the afternoon but it's dark and late now!

He is 25 and we are getting married next year! I thought he was over staying out all night business.

I am worried sick. I'm lying in bed going over what could have happened to him. His mum says not to worry and that he won't be worrying about me

OP posts:
hownottofuckup · 11/09/2016 22:37

Oh ffs don't marry the twat!

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:37

sje said he ran past her house with three males and she thought he was up to no good!

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 11/09/2016 22:37

I would be very worried! Has he been reading texts? Have you tried calling likely mates?

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:38

If only it was that easy!

OP posts:
Myusernameismyusername · 11/09/2016 22:39

If you really are worried then report him missing tomorrow if he hasn't surfaced but it's quite likely he's a bit scared to come back now having gone way too far

Don't marry him

GeneralBobbit · 11/09/2016 22:39

His mums right. There's no point you worrying about or marrying this tosspot.

Dump and move on. Surely you deserve more?

Bet he comes back with a really shit sob story. Daves got cancer, Barry got arrested, we got into this online computer game and I couldn't leave.

Just some shit.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:39

He didn't answer any of my calls today, last text I got was 2am saying be home soon. His mum is not worried and said he will surface when he's ready but I'm anxious! There is one lad I could message on fb who he could be with

OP posts:
Overthinker2016 · 11/09/2016 22:39

Fgs don't marry him

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:41

I do deserve more and it angers me he couldn't let me know he's ok! He had depression 6 months ago so even more important to tell me he's ok. There are no excuses for this behaviour and mall making another person so stressed

OP posts:
Mousebank · 11/09/2016 22:42

The mum says "he won't be worrying about you". I'd take a bit of offence to that actually! My first thought when my boyfriend goes off grid is that he's been in an accident! Do you live together?

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:42

I think your right in that he will be worried because I've gone mad before when he's turned up midday but this is a whole other thing been missing all day

OP posts:
YouAreMyRain · 11/09/2016 22:43

Do not marry him. He has no respect for you. At. All.

His behaviour will only get worse.

If you marry him you will end up having to divorce him when he continues to behave like this, you could be pregnant or have kids with him by then. That will be much worse that leaving him now.

Bad news travels fast, he's in the area (or at least near his mums) if he was hurt, you would have found out.

Mousebank · 11/09/2016 22:44

Sorry but he sounds like a prick. No way would I let someone play me off like that. He's mugging you
Off big time.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:44

She didn't mean it horrible to me but is just trying to look after my feelings... She said he is good at looking after himself and not thinking about others! We live together, where the hell is he!!!

OP posts:
Overthinker2016 · 11/09/2016 22:44

He thinks it's ok tho, because you've ultimately forgiven him before.

Dump him, he has no respect for you.

LineyReborn · 11/09/2016 22:44

How many of your calls and texts has he ignored?

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:46

I agree!

OP posts:
Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:46

I've called 18 times

OP posts:
Queenbean · 11/09/2016 22:46

Sorry he's doing this to you OP. You can take some comfort in the fact that if his mum saw him then he's safe. You don't need to worry about him being in an accident

I agree with the others though, this isn't a man who respects you. You're young still, a whole lifetime of this kind of behaviour will get very tiring

GeneralBobbit · 11/09/2016 22:47

He's deliberately ignoring you. And there's nothing wrong with him. He's just trying to manipulate you.

Original poster
Jemima1985 · 11/09/2016 22:47

If and when he does walk in I think I will say he has no respect for me to let me worry for 12 hours! We have been together 5 years so it's difficult to walk away

OP posts:
IJustAteTheKidsFoodAgain · 11/09/2016 22:47

I don't understand the running past his dms house with 3 friends up to no good? So not 'on a run' but running past like naughty children? Why would he be doing that at 25?echoing pps though, if he can take responsibility/show you enough respect to even send you a message is that someone you want to spend the rest of your life with? As in that will be your life partner who you will potentially/already have dcs with?