"I really think most reasonable and fair minded people would agree"

[Offred]

If someone said this to you when you expressed your own personal opinion and the reasoning behind it on something entirely subjective (think personal opinions on what values are important to each person), followed by 'come on, I think you must surely accept that most people share my view!'

How would you react?

I really don't like people backing up their arguments with "well other people agree with me" I'm not talking to other people, I'm talking to you!!

I'd think they were trying to belittle my opinion.

Although I suppose it depends if what I was saying was reasonable and not some sort of Nigel Farage racist quip!

"I think they wouldn't agree"

I'm intrigued by what you actually said in the first place to elicit that remark but in general, I tend to keep away from people who think that 'most people' share their views, because they're frequently hard of thinking.

It really depends on what it is that was said!

I'd say "how lovely for you" and then promptly poke them in the eye with a biro.

'Maybe, but from my point of view [xyz] and I see no reason to change my opinion at the moment.'

Somewhat of a straw poll but yes that is how I took it. "We'll all my mates think you are a psycho"...

Was said to me recently in a debate about politics of all things. I said I felt it was of primary importance that politicians acted with regard to the public rather than party political interests.

Guy thinks this is "a tactic in a debate that I have seen used and thought to be very effective at getting people to reflect"

So someone asks me what I think of gun control, say, and I give my opinion that I think it's a good idea, and they go "most reasonable and fair people realise that guns don't kill people, people kill people" ? Is that the sort of thing you mean?

If so, I hate it. I'm not most people. My opinion is as valid as anyone else's. Deciding who is "reasonable and fair-minded" is as subjective as opinions on gun control (or whatever).

They are trying to imply you are not reasonable and fair-minded simply because you don't agree with their opinion. Not a fair response to a friendly (hopefully) exchange of views.

I said "well, a 'reasonable and fair minded' is a subjective assessment that I take to mean 'people who happen to agree with me' and b it is my opinion about what I feel is important. It is beyond irrelevant to me what other people's opinions are@

Then there was a whole nit picking argument about whether I had said 'it is of primary importance' or 'I feel it is of primary importance' and then there was crying about how I am apparently over sensitive and emotional...

This is not good at all is it?

I felt was a very dismissive and infuriating thing to say followed by sexist criticism (emotional woman - faulty) and crying (manipulative).

If someone said that to me I'd think s/he was a patronising twunt who was totally up him/herself.

It's subtle bullying. Used constantly on my Facebook feed. 'I don't even know anyone who voted for X/would use Y/ think Z'.

It's mob mentality, designed to get dissenters to feel embarrassed and uncomfortable. It has been used in political propaganda, advertising and the schoolyard.

I test my ideas by thinking about them. I don't subscribe to something because everyone else thinks so - however much I respect them. Stand your ground.

How to deal with now is my concern?

The crying and asking for comfort from me because he 'always seems to upset' me is where it was left. Haven't seen him for more than a week now (since then).

I am in a crap place with unsupported SEN child and having child in need meetings etc with unco-operative school and allegations of abuse against xh so could do without shit from BF making me feel crazy etc.

I think I've seen this used as a rhetorical device by year six students.

In short, pile of shit.

Ha ha

He has two degrees in PPE and political economy that he is very proud of... I will secretly enjoy that comment very much!

What stumps me completely is why he bothers even asking my opinion if it bothers him to the extent he descends to this level event time I give my opinion!

Dismissive and manipulative.

Definitely not a case of me offering unsolicited views! He always asks what I thin and then says something I feel is demeaning like this and then gets upset because he has 'upset' me by saying something everyone else thinks is fine. If I have ever said 'that is crap you have told me other ppl have been upset by similar things you've said' he says 'oh him, he is a weakling'!

Does BF mean Best Friend? Sorry, I'm a newbie.

It sounds like you have enough going on at the moment, so if you can possibly distance yourself from this BF character, I'd do so. They sound exhausting and a dreadful drain on your mental energy right now. There are some people who love these circular arguments and beating their gums over and over. Kind of attention-seeking, I feel. I just couldn't be bothered entertaining them.

How do you feel about this?

An opinion is just that an opinion

If someone is so insecure/needy that they have to have their every opinion agreed with I would think that they were very insecure or fearful

I feel similarly yes.

No, it is boyfriend rather than best friend. It is all circular and confusing because he has ADHD and has been flipping between being intensely supportive and important and being argumentative and unreliable (text today at 2pm to say he wasn't gonna come round tonight with his friend like he asked to yesterday).

Had this sort of comment thrown at me by verging on hysterical person (hysterical cos she'd been caught doing something she shouldn't). She was very convincing 'other people in professional associations would agree' type of argument. Looking back and talking it over with the big boss, it's clear she lacks emotional intelligence and needs to grow the fuck up and take responsibility for her own idiocy.

I feel for you, OP.