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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

would you?

552 replies

hurtandconfued2016 · 15/03/2016 22:48

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

OP posts:
ohforfoxsake · 15/03/2016 22:51

No. No I wouldn't.

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 15/03/2016 22:54

Thanks he just made me feel like I was being unreasonable for not allowing him to take her

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Eminado · 15/03/2016 22:54

Errrrr NO!

Congrats on your new baby Flowers

TheGirlWhoWasntThere · 15/03/2016 22:58

Absolutely not.
You need to stand firm and do what is best for you and your two children from now on.
He has no right to try to manipulate you into doing anything he wants. He has already shown you what a complete arse he is by his unforgivable actions towards you and your children.

From now on everything should be on your terms.
And if he wants to throw a temper tantrum then let him. Just shows you more of what a nasty bully he really is.

Stay strong, you are doing brilliantly.

Marchate · 15/03/2016 23:11

No! He hasn't cared about her until now. Don't trust him to look after her

whatdoIget · 15/03/2016 23:26

No way. And if he really cared about them he'd be desperate to see them and would go along with your wishes even if he thought you were being unreasonable. Also he wouldn't treat their mother like crap if he had any respect for them.

AugustMoon · 16/03/2016 00:05

No way. Been following your threads. Your ex is a prize cunt and I wouldn't trust him with a dog. He's playing games with you and you just gave birth ffs. The same guy who didn't want contact at all unless you dance to his tune and arrange it through his parents. I would get an anti molestation order against him so you are safe, emotionally, to look after your newborn without having to deal with this shit.
Seriously, I am v angry on your behalf. Keep posting for support and ignore him.

ExtraHotLatteToGo · 16/03/2016 00:40

Take her away from you? What planet is this knob on?

I'd have registered her without him tbh.

He will mess the kids around endlessly. Any Dad is NOT better than no Dad. I wouldn't do a single thing to encourage contact and I would actively make it as difficult as possble. DD would be breastfed for as long as humanly possible etc

Wankers like this just make the kids lives miserable :(

Congratulations re DD 💐

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/03/2016 01:15

Well everyone when I seen him today to register baby he brought his mum and dad!! He didn't want to speak to me and only after we registered her did he ask to hold her! What hurt me was his dad wanted to take a picture first time holding his daughter but he said he didn't want a photo! He also never asked how our son was!
Augustmoon the only reason it came up is because he asked why I hadn't text his dad back the night before about seeing the kids even though I received his lawyers letter on Friday stating that he won't go threw his parents and when I said this to him in the registry office he went in a sulk.
Can I also add he has been on paternity leave this week and next week and hasn't seen his kids and has just spent it with the ow!

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LeaLeander · 16/03/2016 01:34

What on earth!!!?

Why did you even register him as the father? No way would I hand any child over to a so-called man like that.

Clearly he is just into ego and power and control, he could give a shit about the children. What a piss-poor sperm donor for those poor kids.

summerwinterton · 16/03/2016 07:56

I would not have registered with him either

and I think you need to stop communicating with him too - lawyer contact only surely?

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/03/2016 09:53

I gave him the option of being on it I wouldn't force anyone to be on it but I also wouldn't tell him he wasn't aloud! As for the contact I had said everything was to be done threw the lawyer then he went to the lawyer and was like aw we are okay we can talk ourselves to discuss the kids we don't need to go to mediation me and her are okay! Then 2 hours later his dad text me!

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Slowdecrease · 16/03/2016 13:12

What did I say on your previous post? Quite being surprised by this. You did the right thing registering him as the father absolutely. Now adjust your expectations - he's a knob and that won't change. Keep communications through his parents and do not have any sort of contact with him, he will fade away I promise you!

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/03/2016 14:50

Yeah slowdance he was supposed to be seeing the kids today and he hasn't text to organise it so again another day he was supposed to see them on his paternity leave and nothing!

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BitOutOfPractice · 16/03/2016 14:53

he has been on paternity leave this week and next week and hasn't seen his kids and has just spent it with the ow! Fucking hell, this has to be one of the worst things I've ever read on MN. What an utter low life.

And in answer to your original question, no, no I wouldn't let him have her. YANBU

Congratulations on your new baby Thanks

CallMeMaybe · 16/03/2016 15:01

I am usually one of the first to encourage the need for children to have a relationship with their parents, however given your ex appears to be wanting everything on his terms with absolutely no thought or consideration for the wellbeing of his children I would just be reiterating that you can arrange for him to see the baby on your terms but that you would be present. And leave it at that.

In terms of his being on paternity leave I might be inclined to ring his place of work and enquire if anyone had heard from him as you haven't heard from him in the past two weeks and wanted to make arrangements for him to meet his daughter. .

petalsandstars · 16/03/2016 15:03

No definitely not. No way would I hand over a newborn baby to this manchild.

If he'd been round every day being supportive and wanted to take her out for 30 mins between feeds then that would be different. But the actual situation you are in? No fucking way!

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 16/03/2016 15:38

Bit out of practice - yeah it really hurt me that he's on paternity leave and I'm struggling physically with the 2 kids being single mum after a csection (with complications) and he's away having a great stress free time with her!
Callmemaybe- yes everything has to be on his terms he tells me the days he can have them (even though he's on paternity leave won't take them at the weekend cause he needs a life). Tells me times, that I have to organise through his parents (despite his lawyers letter saying he will communicate with me himself) I'm not allowed to contact him when he has my kids to see if everything is okay! He has pretty much set all the rules and now that I'm not bending over backwards he's not seeing them! He didn't even contact me about seeing our son today!
His work know he hasn't met his daughter until yesterday I have made sure I have not covered this up! They have said that because he put the matb1 form in he is entitled to it!
Petalsandstars- I offered to go to soft play and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit together at all seen as I am so repulsive (his words) but he said he would only spend time with her if it was in his parents house! He also said that when we had our son he was allowed to have him on his own, the difference was we where in a relationship, living together and he had been there from the get go and the most he was left alone with our son was like 30 mins when I was having a shower or at the doctors!

OP posts:
Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 17/03/2016 11:38

Well everyone I am mega peed off today! Had a very bad night with the 2 kids last night and I am exhausted! Have I heard from him about seeing his kids no!!! I received a letter from the lawyer today and it turns out he has been off since beginning of March and isn't back till April! It's all paternity leave and leave he has taken to look after the kids (he gets 9 weeks parental leave).
So here's me sitting with my eyes hanging out my head with a migraine and he's living the life of bloody luxury! I swear I hate him

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Fratelli · 17/03/2016 13:57

This is one of the worst things I've ever read on mn. He's not even a man. How anyone would not want to see their children will always be beyond me. Taking pat leave and not even seeing his kids? He will always remain vile and just the lowest of the low. How anyone could be with someone like that is also beyond me.

How terribly awful for you. Just know that your children will whole heartedly love and respect you. I wish the three of you all the happiness in the world Flowers

ImperialBlether · 17/03/2016 14:03

I would have to write and inform his company about that. I'd want repercussions.

OhShutUpThomas · 17/03/2016 14:06

Yes I'd tell his employers. In a factual way.

AcrossthePond55 · 17/03/2016 14:14

See, I'm a real bitch. I'd call his work and ask to speak to him. I'd casually mention that I was calling because I hadn't seen hide nor hair of him since baby was born (other than a few minutes at the registry) and I was trying to get hold of him to see if he wanted to see his new baby.

But I'm evil, I am.

ImperialBlether · 17/03/2016 14:59

That is an excellent idea, AcrossthePond!

Original poster
hurtandconfued2016 · 17/03/2016 14:59

Well eventually he text me threw his dad asking to see the kids today and tomorrow. When I said you can't text me an hour before you want to see the kids saying you want to see them and also again not doing it through your parents he said okay can i have them tomorrow for 2:30-5:00. I said that wasn't fair to my 2 year old to be like here's your dad for a couple hours after 6 weeks of not seeing him and not knowing when he would see him again because he doesn't know when his girlfriend is working next (the only time he will see the kids is when she is working) so instead mediation will have to happen so we can sit down and discuss the rota times dates everything like that and it be set in stone.
He also has told me he will not organise it with me himself as he doesn't want unnecessary contact. He works in a call centre there isn't a number to call to speak to anyone it's frustrating!!
Once again he hasn't replied to my text I'm so fed up of being the only one that's making an effort and changing my plans for him to see the kids I hate him!!!

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