would you?

[hurtandconfued2016]

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

[summerwinterton]

Stop texting him - there really is no point.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Yeah I'm starting to see I am getting nowhere!!! Hitting my head against a brick wall. I said to him about mediation and he again no reply! I am honestly starting to think I am a horrible person and no one can stand to be around me and that it's all my fault! When all I ever done in our relationship was aim to make him happy even before my happiness

[AcrossthePond55]

Yep, stop. Just contact mediation and get the ball rolling. They'll contact him via letter.

[VelvetCushion]

Nooooo way

[Guiltypleasures001]

Let him contact mediation then he pays for it, op stop engaging with him lovely, you keep getting crushed every time he lets the kids and you down.

I very much doubt he's going to have an epiphany and start being nice

[summerwinterton]

Your priority is taking care of yourself and your DC, and enjoying this newborn phase too! Don't let him ruin it.

[Rainbowlou1]

I'd Stop texting him, tell him to contact mediation and concentrate on you and your lovely children...my ex threatened all sorts and wanted to go to court etc...I ignored him and I'm still waiting...14 years on and my dad is 16 and wants no more to do with him!!xx

[Barmaid101]

Oh my! Never read something so disgusting ever! Congratulations on your DD.
You are doing an amazing job with your children, never forget that.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Thanks everyone just feeling pretty crappy tonight with all of this.
He has not let me know Wether he is going to mediation at all and now his parents have thrown a strop and not speaking to me (me and his mum have been getting on great since he left me).
Just really hurt that I am physically and mentally exhausted and he is away having a stress free life! I know he didn't really want the baby (said he only got me pregnant to make me think he loved me) but I thought him holding or seeing here would have made him want to be in her life more but it's still my children that are coming second to the ow!

[sunwish]

Where does he work? Should be fairly easy to work out who is in charge of HR by searching on LinkedIn and most organisations have a firstname.lastname@genericaddress format so it should be quite easy to work out how to contact them.

[sunwish]

Message me if you don't want to post on here.

[KittyWindbag]

hurtandconfused you are (rightly) angry at him and the unjust way things are going. But really, you need to stop flogging this dead horse. He is an incompetent twat and his parents ought to be ashamed of themselves for not having a bloody good word with him.

Stop contacting him personally, even through his parents, and have everything done through the lawyer. He is likely to lose interest about visitation rights, but he can be pursued for financial help.

Try to let go of the fact that you're angry and it's unfair that he is living the life of riley while you struggle. He has already demonstrated time and again he doesn't give a fig about you, so save your energy. He's not suddenly goingto have an attack of conscience and feel bad for you.

You and your children deserve better than this. One day when he's older he may look back on this and regret his actions, but you should make bloody sure that YOU don't look back and regret all the time and energy you wasted on HIM.

He's worthless. You are superhuman, you are amazing, you can do it without him.

[Ledkr]

I agree, end all contact now and let him go through court.
His parents sound like enablers to be honest, how old is he? Why are his parents so heavily involved?

Totally agree with the poster who said don't let all this spoil your newborn time and recovery from your section.

Gather some help, do an online food shop and snuggle in with your kids.
They will be your strength, your future and your healers.

Let him and his idiot parents tie thenselves up in knots with rudiculous suggestions and self centered demands.
None of which would be sanctioned by a court.

I've got three adult sons who woukd all feel my boot up their arses if they dared to behave like this.

They are a clutch of fucking weirdos, leave them to it, let them apply for acess and see what happens. Jeeeeesus.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Kittywindbag- when we registered our daughter I could tell his mum was very angry/disappointed in him when he didn't want a photo with his daughter. His dad I don't think could care less tbh but his mum is embarrassed she hasn't told her family yet that he left me!
It sounds bad but I don't want my kids to not see their father though I want him to be in their life but all I want is for it not to be last min and also that he understands that he has to be civil with me for the kids!
Ledkr - he is 25, but he has never had to grow up never had hard times in life. Mummy and daddy have always done everything for him this includes emptying his stuff from the house we own together. He basically handed over his key the day he left me and said I want nothing more to do with it.
If it wasn't for my kids I don't think I would get out of bed tbh! They are my world and I love them more than anything and they are my world I just hate the thought of it being my fault they don't have their dad.
For the access I have already said he could have 3 days one over night with our 2 year old and that he can spend as much time with baby as he wants but I will be there because in the 2 weeks she has been here he has spent 10 mins with her..
His parents won't tell him what to do as his dad done the same thing leaving partner and kids and not seeing them for years!

[hurtandconfued2016]

Now I'm even more peed off! I don't even know if anyone is reading this just need a rant!
So I have agreed to go to his parents on Tuesday with the kids to let him spend time with them and discuss the rota BUT he has asked me to make my own way there! He took the car when he left me, I can't drive 3 weeks post section, my parents aren't able to take me so now he expects me to get a taxi with the 2 kids to his parents so he can see his kids!! Yet in his house there is 4 adults with their own cars! Now I'm being told I am stopping him from seeing the kids because I won't get a taxi with the 2 year old and a new baby! I'm so angry

[Fratelli]

Hi op, I'm reading!

What a shit! You're in no way stopping him from seeing his kids. He's stopping himself. He can't be arsed to see them so is trying to make it your fault. Any half decent parent would do anything to see their children.

He's been making pathetic excuses from day one. You have done what you can. He is pathetic and utterly disgusting. What a wankbag!

and for you

[ravenmum]

What an arse. If you do want them to see the kids, just say you are too delicate to travel and he can bring his parents round. Then say nothing else. You should be putting your feet up whenever you can.

[AcrossthePond55]

I wouldn't want him or his family to transport me in the first place. It puts me too much at their mercy as far as length of visit. What if things got bad or nasty and you wanted to leave and they didn't want you to? They might decide to refuse to give you a ride back.

I would simply cancel and tell them you don't have an acceptable ride so another day will have to be arranged when your parents are free to take you and pick you up. IIRC you've said his parents are not on your side. Why would you want to go into 'enemy territory'? I'd also re-arrange it for 'neutral territory' or somewhere you know you will be supported, like your parents' or a friend's house. You don't need his family ganging up on you.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Well he has now said he will pick me up but will be bringing his dad so I will have to squeeze into a small car with 2 car seats in the back just so he can have his dad with him!
He doesn't appreciate that I am going to sit in his parents house to allow him time with his new daughter! It's like he is doing me a favour! I am close to saying if you can't be adult enough to compromise with me then it will be in a contacr centre instead of having to deal with this crap!

[petalsandstars]

Nope nope nope. You can't and shouldn't go there. Neutral territory with back up for you only.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Ravenmum he won't bring his mum to my house they wouldn't be seen in the area I live in as it is beneath them!
Across the pond - I will be taking the buggy and the second I am unhappy I will leave!
I had already said the local shopping centre and he said no. Also his mum has been actively trying to be I'm the kids life so.i thought I would give her one chance and if she messes up then that's it.

[summerwinterton]

No - he is being ridiculous. Why are you jumping through hoops for this man. He is very good at making you feel guilty when you have done nothing wrong. Just tell him and his awful family a whole bucket of no. Time to put your foot down.

Why are you evening contacting him. Solicitor only surely? Or do you want to spend the next 18 years with all these awful upsetting messages?

Just don't go - you owe him nothing at all. If he doesn't want to see you at the shopping centre then he doesn't see you.

[hurtandconfued2016]

Summer - I guess I am jumping through hoops because I never want him to say I stopped him having a relationship with his kids. As stupid as it is because all I have done is encourage it I even gave him the choice of being at the birth of his daughter!

Well he agreed to my terms that I will deal with him not his family regarding contact and he has now decided he won't speak to me unless trough his parents so I need to call the lawyer again tomorrow.

The only reason I am going is feeling bad for my son who has been asking for his dad (Hasn't seen him in 6 weeks) it breaks my heart as I'm the one who has to make up lies and say daddy's at work or what ever.

[CalleighDoodle]

It wont matter what you do to accomodate him. he isnt bothered about the children. He is using them to annoy you and control you. No matter what you do, he will call you names. not because you deserve them, but because he is a dick. Honestly, this plan wont end well. You need to stick with what you want, what is good for you and the children, and not back down. Dont respond to his parents if thats what you want. He will soon get the message. He will either contact you himself or, more likelly, stop completely as it really doesn't seem like he is interested in the children. He is certainly not interested in their best interests.

[BonitaFangita]

Hi Hurtandconfused I've followed your other threads and think you're doing better than you think you are. I agree with Kitty you've bent over backwards for this man and it's still not good enough. Now it's time to cut contact, go through lawyers and mediation, but unfortunately I really don't think he has an interest in the kids. Concentrate on your recovery and your lovely children, don't expect anything from him and don't let him get you down. It will be hard, but you can do this. Keep posting, you'll get plenty of support here