would you?

[hurtandconfued2016]

Just wondering my ex asked (more like demanded) me today when we where registering our daughter when he could see the kids again. Hasn't seen our son in a month and only met his daughter today (2 weeks old). I said that he couldn't take new baby away on his own I would need to be there whilst he is seeing her. He went mental at me and has now not bothered to make plans to see them tomorrow.
My question is would you give your 2 week old away for hours? I suggested going to soft play or something and we could rotate with the kids so we didn't have to sit near each other but he said no to that too..

[Iamdobby63]

As any reasonable person would be!

[Hurtandconfused2016]

Well I got a reply today......
He no longer has a lawyer as he can't afford it and that he is very sad that he is no longer in the kids life's and that he loves them with all his heart and will always be there for them.
This has really got to me! Am I keeping a loving caring father from his kids?

[Iamdobby63]

No he is keeping himself from them by being unreasonable and trying to manipulate you into feeling guilty and rolling over whilst he still treats you with contempt.

Did he send this to your solicitor?

[Hurtandconfused2016]

Iam - yeah he did she received it today (7 weeks after I sent my letter) no reply about the house nothing! He is saying that he has compromised so much he can't do it any more!

[Iamdobby63]

Wait to see what your solicitor says, when are you seeing her?

She may suggest a court date, there is still a lot to sort out, the house, maintenance, your living arrangements as he is still supposed to help provide a roof over the children's heads, food, clothes etc., regardless of whether he sees them or not.

Stay strong, you know the truth.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

Well I've to phone her tomorrow to talk to her and see what she says. She said that with the contact she won't be pushing him to have any.

He has said he will not respond to any corresponding letter so we are at a stuck
X

[AcrossthePond55]

He's so full of shit it's coming out both ends.

If he really wanted to see the DC, he would see them. There's nothing stopping him but himself. The fact that he'll only see them when and how it's convenient for him does NOT reflect on you one tiny bit!

You aren't keeping a good father from seeing his kids. A good father would be working with you instead of against you. He's a poor father keeping himself from seeing them by putting obstacles in his own way.

This actually probably suits him quite well. He can moan to his parents that you 'won't cooperate' to get them off his back. Now he's free to spend all his time with Miss Hootchy-Cootchy.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

Across- how was your holiday? I know it makes me so angry I am going to suggest mediation (AGAIN) and see if he would do that. If not it is all up to him that he isn't seeing the kids.

Since March I have never had a text or anything to say can i see them? I'm just so frustrated that he is playing this oh I'm the victim in all of this!

Also saying he can't afford a lawyer it was him that wanted to take me to court it was him that wanted it to be sorted through lawyers because he couldn't stand to talk to me!
If it was me I would make sure I could afford to see my children! I'm just so done in with it all.

[AcrossthePond55]

Still on holiday. Got into a spot of cell coverage & couldn't resist putting in my tuppence worth.

Just 'keep calm and carry on'. Don't let him know he's getting to you. As far as 'can't afford' a lawyer, I'm sure his parents will pay for one. Don't let him trick you into letting yours go because he says he 'wants to handle it without legal interference'.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

Across I'm not letting my lawyer go! The past week has been awful with the wee fella I literally can't leave him for 2 mins!

I went to the shop to get gas (was 10mins) He screamed saying to my parents mummy leave like daddy? I can't leave or he thinks I'm going away like his dad it's horrible to see!

I then found out ds never got into nursery because the health visitor forgot to send a letter of support!!! I feel like I'm hitting my head against a brick wall.

[Iamdobby63]

Your poor son, all you can do is give him lots of reassurances but if it gets worse then perhaps speak to your GP for a referral. It's a difficult time for him what with big changes and no matter how hard to try to hide it he will pick up on your anxiety etc., however, he will adjust, I'm sure it's just a matter of time.

Your solicitor needs to push forward to get everything resolved and then hopefully you can get your own place and feel more settled.

Can you appeal the nursery place?

[Hurtandconfused2016]

I am - he's been like this for a week it's awful I am seeing the councillor today so going to talk to her and see what she is thinking.
The lawyer is trying to push but he is no longer responding to any letters. She is suggesting that if this is the way he is being I should move back into the family home and he would have to continue to pay his half of the mortgage until we get another house.

Yeah I can i was supposed to be seeing the health visitor today but she has just called to cancel :(

[Iamdobby63]

I don't know what he thinks will happen by not responding, probably got something to do with maintenance, would rather pay money on the mortgage than his children.

Has your solicitor not applied to the courts yet? Even when she does the date will be months away.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

He thinks the money he would give me would get used on me! I've literally not got 2 pennies to my name this month with baby growing and ds getting potty trained. (Needed to buy toilet seats and incentives)

No I can't get and appointment until August to speak to her as she is in holiday! Would we go to court even if he isn't replying?

[Iamdobby63]

I believe he would be informed by your solicitor of a court date and if he didn't turn up the judge would rule in his absence. I may be wrong but I'm pretty certain.

What is happening now about getting child maintenance?

[Hurtandconfused2016]

I've still not had a penny from him he is still paying my half of the mortgage which is 200. But maintenance should be 400 apparently. I will need to see the lawyer because she was wanting to give him one last chance of giving me money without cms

[Iamdobby63]

It's clear he is not going to. I don't really understand why she is waiting, that should be one of the first things to be sorted.

Remind me, is the house on the market yet?

[Hurtandconfused2016]

No its not on the market but neither of us can put it on the market without the other persons signature and since he won't reply we are at a stand still. I'm so frustrated with it all

[Hurtandconfused2016]

So ex's dad comes up to me in the shop today to tell me to empty my stuff out of the house so that they can do it up before........ they move!
Ex Is buying a property with his gf and can't afford to pay the 2 mortgages so needs to sell the house.
This is also leaving me in the situation of where do I send the letter to? I have no idea where he or his parents will be moving too so I can't send the letter!

[Iamdobby63]

Just ignore him, you don't take orders from his Dad. Is there any equity in the house?

Did you say anything? Hope you said 'yes I find it hard feeding the children so the sooner your useless son starts supporting them the better'

Speak to your solicitor about moving all this forward now, the sooner you can move on the better.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

No I don't think so because we've not been in it 2 years we did put down a 10% deposit though so not 100%.

I didn't say I was already tearful and didn't want to end up arguing with him in the middle of the shop. Yeah she is on annual leave right now so need to wait for her to come back from that.

[CitySnicker]

I thought they'd tried to empty to sell before and were told to stop?

[Iamdobby63]

You are going to need to know the value so you can agree (or go to court) a financial settlement.

Just do nothing right now, wait for your solicitor. She may ask you to get estate agents valuations or ask him to provide them. (Bet he answers that letter)!

As for his Dad, funny how he can't be civil and say hello in front of your child but he can speak to you about the house. You are so much better off away from that messed up family.

[Iamdobby63]

Ps to add.

His Dad gave you quite a lot of information that wasn't necessary in what seems to an effort to bully and hurt you so as you do what you are told, you can tell where your ex gets it from.

[Hurtandconfused2016]

City - they were told to not remove anything else from the house because I was not 100% sure of selling it or not but I can't possibly afford it on my own. They are claiming they didn't remove anything (but I have pictures of it).

Iam - we asked in our last letter and they still haven't done it. Is dad said it needs a lot of work before they put it on the market or else they won't make a profit!
My ds was there today and he said hello to him that was about it! My ds never even got excited about seeing him. Aw he told me lots to do with the family how someone is dying and how his wife has fallen out with her family a lot of things!
I still (stupidly) care for his mother and I am sad she is going thru a hard time with her family but i don't know why he needed to tell me.