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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 28/12/2015 14:38

Why arent your children with you?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:40

It's a long story

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 28/12/2015 14:41

pack your things are fk off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

This is what you do, pack your things and leave.

I don't get why you didn't see your kids? If you wanted to be with them the why didn't you?

If he's as controlling etc as he sound then why are you with him?

BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2015 14:43

Do as he says. Get out.

I strongly suspect that he is the reason you're not with your kids. Am I right?

Baressentials · 28/12/2015 14:44

Take his advice and pack your things. He is not good for you or your dc.

Access help (gp/womens aid/samaritans/cab) and get away from him. He is no good. It really is that black and white in this situation.

AnyFucker · 28/12/2015 14:46

this thread gives a bit more context

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:48

I am in a domestic abuse relationship if you read through my previous posts you will see how controlling my boyfriend actually is towards myself it isn't that simple to just get up and go away from him I tried that before and he's stopped me everytime from leaving him.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2015 14:49

You chose to do what he wanted rather than be with your children.Xmas Sad

Make different choices, ones that make you and your DCs happy rather than chosing to stay with a man who doesn't care about you.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:50

Hi BitOutOfPractice he is part of the reason i am not with my children

OP posts:
summerwinterton · 28/12/2015 14:50

Have you reported his threats to the police and spoken to WA yet?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:51

Hi Baressentials he always tells me to leave and f**k but if i get my things to leave he will get very angry and stop me.

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 28/12/2015 14:51

Exactly. Ask the police to come round when you leave

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:52

Hi AnyFucker couldn't read your post not sure why

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:53

Hi Dione i want to be with my children more than anything but he's made a lot of threats to hurt not only me but my family should i leave him that's why i haven't left sooner

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:54

Hi Summerwinterton i have told Womans aid about his threats when i spoke to them before.

OP posts:
RumAppleGinger · 28/12/2015 14:55

Do you have people in real life who know about the abuse? Would they be able to help you get out? Are you ready to leave and do you have somewhere you can go?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:55

Hi BitOutOfPractice its not that simple and the police probably won't help.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 28/12/2015 14:55

I am sorry you are in this horrible situation but right now the only person who can help you is you. This man is a shit and needs to be out of your life, and there are lots of people who can and will act to remove him and keep him away from you forever, but you have to make the first move. If your children have been taken away because of his behaviour, then the police, courts and SS will help you get court injunctions against him so that he is unable to harm you or the children, and if he makes any attempt to contact you or them he will go to prison..
Please take the New Year as time for change, reach out to someone and take the help and support that is there to make a new life for yourself without this horrible little turd in it.

summerwinterton · 28/12/2015 14:57

but they are just threats - do you really think he would carry them out? The only person who can stop this is you - and you need help from the police to do that. They can protect you. Do your family know about his threats?

Where are your children if not with you?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:57

Hi RumAppleGinger the only people i have actually spoken to is Womans aid that's it really and if i left i wouldn't have anywhere to go.

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/12/2015 14:58

From previous thread it sounds as if keeping your dog is higher priority than your dc.SadIf you are not with your dc , why do your parents think that is? I bet they are more aware of your relationship including dv than you give them credit for. The youngest must have been very young when they were removed. Were police and ss involved?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:59

Hi SolidGoldBrass thanks for the advice and yes things have to change because i want to be back with my children more than anything and to start being there mum again now just because he doesn't want to bother with his own children.

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:00

You would have a refuge to go to? If he went to sleep could you not have gone to see dc alone.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:01

Hi Summerwinterton i honestly don't know if he would carry out his threats but he has been abusive in the past, no my family don't know about his threats and my children are with my parents.

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2015 15:01

OP, your parents know that you are in an abusive relationship. Your DP doesn't need to be afraid of the police for them to take action. Have you asked your police station if they havea DV unit? I'm sorry you can't take the dog with you.

You will never leave this relationship while you, yourself keep creating excuses to stay. I hope 2016 brings you the courage and determination to leave. You, your DCs and your parents deserve a much better life than you are having.