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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:24

Hi Pocketsaviour i am going to chat with them again they were lovely to chat with last time and gave a lot of good advice to me.

OP posts:
Funinthesun15 · 28/12/2015 15:25

Are the dc officially in care or looked after by your parents?

From the sounds of previous thread they are with OP parents and were officially removed there so the OP would need to go through the correct the channels to 'get them back'

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:25

HI LIZS I have chatted with Samaritans before and explained about the domestic abuse relationship

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:27

Hi Sally yes he does work and no i don't go out on my own because he says i am going to meet another man

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:28

Hi Shutthatdoor i do want my children back and will speak to Womans aid again

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LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:28

In which case the SW should be worth a call although op implied they were no longer involved, hence my confusion. Are wa phone lines open today. Act while you still feel angry at his behaviour. Have you visited the dc since Christmas Day?

WicksEnd · 28/12/2015 15:29

If your parents don't know of the DV
WHY DO THEY THINK THEY HAVE YOUR CHILDREN?
Sorry for the shouty capitals but numerous people have asked this on your threads and you haven't answered.

Fugghetaboutit · 28/12/2015 15:29

Your kids have been with your parents for 4 years because you can't leave this bloke? Can you go and live with them?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:30

Hi Sunbeam my children are not in care they are living with my parents and when you are in a domestic abuse relationship with lots of threats and being controlled it's not that simple to just get up and leave.

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Lynnm63 · 28/12/2015 15:33

I've read both threads and im sorry but you need to piss or get off the pot. I had a friend like you living with a nasty piece of work. I got her away, brought her and her kids to my house, told her dp to get the fuck off my land and if he laid a hand on me he'd regret IT. He didn't even raise his voice as he was a bully. She went back and I washed my hands of her. You lost your kids and you're still wringing your hands doing the poor me act.
If you think your mother doesn't know you're deluded. Good people have given you loads of good advice for weeks and you ignore it.

Viviennemary · 28/12/2015 15:33

I don't really understand all this I'm afraid. If you are afraid to leave then you must get the police involved. Why are you even with somebody you are afraid of. Things will never change unless you take the first step. There is no future with this person IMHO.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:33

I don't know if Womans aid lines are open today LIZS because of the Christmas holiday but the phone lines are meant to be open all the time so may give them a ring to have a chat.

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LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:33

Does it matter if he thinks you are meeting someone else? How would he know you are out anyway unless you tell him. You are going to leave him? If he threatens you you tell police, wa, your parents etc.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:34

HI Wicks there are other reason why my children are with my parents but also because of my partner aswell.

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:35

Hi Fugg no I cannot go and live with my parents at the moment as there is no room

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Robotgirl · 28/12/2015 15:36

Hi again Clarkey
I remember your other threads
He won't change

You were brave enough to call Women's Aid. Do it again, they will help you. Tell your parents, they will help you. Tell the police, they will help you. Call an old friend, they will help you.

This ^^

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:38

Hi Lynn unless your in the relationship i am in then you can't say i have just ignored the advice because he is very threatening and controlling and when he threatens to hurt not only myself but my family then that's why it's harder to leave because our children are with my family.

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:39

Hi VIV he's threatened to hurt not only me but my family aswell should i leave him and that's why it makes it harder for me to leave him because i don't know what he's going to do should i leave him and the relationship

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:42

HI LIZS he rings me a lot through the day to check where i am so he knows all the time where i am

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:43

Hi Robotgirl he won't change you are right he's been controlling and abusive for a few years now and doesn't seem to think his behaviour is wrong and doesn't see his children either and thinks that's on also

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Watchatalltimes · 28/12/2015 15:44

Does he go out alone? If so, then that could be a perfect opportunity for you to leave. Would your parents be able to help you to move to a refuge? Call Women's Aid again and see if they can give you advice to help you leave. Would he really hurt your family or is he just using that as a threat to control you further? You and your children deserve so much better.

Lynnm63 · 28/12/2015 15:45

He's already hurting your family. The kids will grow up thinking you love him more than them. They've lost their home and their mum. You say he doesn't see his kids. Has he hurt their mum or their mums family? He knows which buttons to push. He is controlling you but you are letting him. You'd tell your kids to stand up to a bully and we are saying the esme things. Bully's are generally cowards. Im not trying to make light of your situation but YOU nee. To do something. Leave him, tell your parents and the police. You deserve more than this and so do they.

Perniciousness · 28/12/2015 15:47

Please talk to your parents.

There will be room at their house for you even if you have to share a bed with your DC.

Has your partner ever hit you?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:52

Hi WATCH he's made a lot of threats to hurt myself and my family and he's been abusive in the past so i honestly don't know if he would carry out his threats or not and that's what worries me and why i haven't left yet

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Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:53

HI Lyn when I said he doesn't see his children I mean our children we have he just doesn't go to see them or even ask how they are

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