Totally ruined my Christmas

[Clarkey2345]

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

I hope you are well OP Please check in when you can so we know you are safe

I hope your appointment went well today and you are somewhere safe.

Hello everyone thanks for all the kind words and great advice but i will no longer be using mumsnet because of all the very horrible posts on this thread.

That's a shame, would be good if you could at least reassure the majority of helpful posters if you are safe and away before you go.

If only you would apply the same level of intolerance and speed of exit on your abusive relationship.

Please reassure us that you have at least been able to leave?

Case and point there Aye

I'm sorry to hear that OP. Remember, mumsnet will always be here for you to use. You don't owe the posters here anything, least of all a neat and speedy conclusion to your 'story.'

Wishing you strength for the future

The OP does not owe you, or ANYONE ELSE ON THIS THREAD 'reassurance', dipank.

A lot of the posters here should be ashamed of themselves for how they have hounded s vulnerable woman off the forum.

I'm sorry you have had a lot of hectoring OP. Whatever 2016 brings you, I hope you will find a way to the life that you want for yourself and your DCs.

Take care Clarkey.

I'm more concerned that it could be the abuser posting as op tbh than a need for closure.

Admittedly I haven't been in your position but just pack your stuff up when he is at work and leave . Fuck him and his control . Go get your children , they are more important than anything . He is a bully!

YouBastardSockBalls, where the hell did I suggest that OP owed me reassurance or anything else, ffs? I simply asked out of genuine concern for her safety. And if you are trying to suggest I hounded her in any way I have to ask that you withdraw that immediately: if you look at my posts on this thread you will see that it is absolutely untrue.

For goodness sake, that is MN sanctimony at its worst.

Clarke, have you done it?

Don't be afraid to post again if you have not, one step at a time. You don't need an excuse love.

Hope you have taken action, but whatever, take care of yourself.

Where you said 'please reassure us that you have at least been able to leave?' when you must see how unlikely that is?

And it's not sanctimony.

Sorry you feel that way. Good luck in the future.

You haven't done it have you Clarkey?

If you are genuine,keep trying. If not...

I disagree that it is necessarily unlikely, YouBastardSockBalls, given that she said she was specifically going to move out, which is a significant step forward from anything she has said before. And how precisely is requesting reassurance that the OP has been able to take steps to make herself safe an expression of the view that she has any obligation to me whatsoever?

And yes, what you said sounded very sanctimonious and self-righteous. When you haven't bothered to read a post or a thread properly, it is particularly inappropriate to take it on yourself to tell the poster concerned off for something she hasn't said. And you don't help yourself by failing to have the grace to apologise.

I note that you haven't taken it upon yourself to tell off other posters who have expressed similar hopes, so I trust you have at least learnt something even if you won't admit it.

Clarkey, I am sorry you are going. I can see why though. I hope you will come back whenever you need to, and I hope we will have got our own house in better order, so that very vulnerable women like you don't experience the negative side of MN.

I shall be pleased to see you again.

You can change your nickname if you want to start a new thread without people recognising it's you. You can do that, and pm people you want to talk to, to let them know where your new thread is and your new name. No one will let the cat out of the bag, we're all too aware of the importance of the anonymity aspect of MN ourselves.

Try not to worry if people nag at you, I know you're here for reassurance, kindness and support. Most of us are like that, most of the time. There are always a few people in a group who see tough love where others see bullying.

Here, you should be able to take things at your pace. No one thinks it's easy (unless they're stupid, and most of us aren't stupid). Some people are more vocal in their concern for you, Clarkey. Can you tell yourself they are worried about you? I know you need help and enouragement, and I'm sorry you didn't find it here.

I'm hoping you'll be able to gather yourself and give us another go.

What was that you were saying about sanctimony, dipan...........?

I'm not apologising, as I've nothing to apologise for. She has been hounded off the forum.

And this -

A lot of the posters here should be ashamed of themselves for how they have hounded s vulnerable woman off the forum.

is what I said, in an entirely different paragraph from the one mentioning you. So I don't really know why you're so upset.

I'm sorry that this thread turned into that kind of thread.

It's your life and your journey, and unlike some posters seem to believe, their contributions aren't based on a transactional agreement where advice given must be acted upon in some unspecified but essential timespan.

Advice is advice, the OP is never under any obligation to follow it or create a pleasing narrative arc with a feel good ending.

Mumsnet isn't solely for those can can express themselves in a certain way. Mumsnet isn't an exclusive club for those that fall apart in a certain way, for those that have mental health problems in a certain ways, or have a required minimum standard of resilience & proactivity.

Clarkey I hope you find other ways of reaching out and getting support. And eventually I hope you get to a place where you can leave your partner. Good luck.

Keeping everything crossed for you, Clarkey that this is YOUR time and that the time has come to get away from this creature. Nothing else really matters. Get away from him and stabilise yourself... and your children can be happy and confident in their mum's ability to put them first and protect them.

All good wishes for 2016, hope it's an amazing year for you.

I do agree that some posters have been impatient, naive and intolerant of op because she didn't leave when they wanted her to and they thought it was so obvious for op, all she had to do was stay on her parents' sofa and reclaim her children. If only it were that easy for op, she would have done it years ago and whatever the reasons, she isn't able to at the moment.

Just thinking of you in the New Year. I hope that you find some safety and happiness this year, and see your children as much as you can.

Good luck with your journey, whenever and however it starts.