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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Totally ruined my Christmas

481 replies

Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 14:35

Well as always he ruined my Christmas i spent half hour with our children on christmas morning and didn't get to see my children open there presents because he wasent ready to go and see them after seeing our children we went to his parents house to have Christmas dinner and was there over an hour, then after dinner we went home and he spent the rest of rob night sleeping as usual when i could have been down with my kids watching them playing with there toys and having fun he also said i am ungrateful because he bought me a very expensive phone for Christmas and all i spent was £20 on him for presents.
He also keeps on at me all the time for sex and when i said no he gets angry and says pack your things are f**k off down your mothers house, yet if i tried to leave he would stop me so why tell me to leave in the first place????

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:02

Hi LIZS yes my youngest child went to live with my parents from birth.

OP posts:
winetintedglasses · 28/12/2015 15:02

So you haven't spoken to the police but you don't know if they would help you?

summerwinterton · 28/12/2015 15:03

With the greatest of respect, what do you want from these threads? Do you want tough love, folk to tell you to stay? Nobody here is going to suggest putting up with him is a good idea. So why won't you contact the police and WA and get the hell away once and for all. It seems you are using his threats to excuse your own inactivity. I cannot comprehend why you would choose this monster over your children.

So why don't you call the police and WA now and get the ball rolling?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:04

Hi LIZS there aren't any refuges close and no even though he was sleeping he would get angry if i left the house and was accuse me of going to meet someone else.

OP posts:
MumOnTheRunCatchingUp · 28/12/2015 15:05

How old are your children? Does he see his own kids?

You leave when he's not expecting it. Where would you go?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:05

Hi Dione i am going to have another chat with Womans aid and see what advice they can give me

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:06

Hi winetintedglasses no i have only chatted with Womans aid

OP posts:
LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:06

If you had been at your parents and he turned up , angry, you could have called police. Sounds as f he has you well conditioned. Any chance WA could advise you about self esteem and confidence building courses? Do you work? Could you speak to gp?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:07

Hi Summerwinterton i am going to phone Womans aid and have a chat with them and get something sorted to leave this relationship and this abusive man

OP posts:
DioneTheDiabolist · 28/12/2015 15:08

What did WA advise last time you spoke to them?

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:09

Hi Mum no he doesn't see his children or bother them and doesn't even ask how they are at all he hasent seen them properly for months.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:10

Hi LIZS i chatted with my GP and they suggested courses but with him always checking up on me it would make going to the courses difficult

OP posts:
RumAppleGinger · 28/12/2015 15:11

I've just looked at the previous thread. You were brave enough to call Women's Aid. Do it again, they will help you. Tell your parents, they will help you. Tell the police, they will help you. Call an old friend, they will help you.

If you are truly ready to leave it's time to start talking. All the power he has, he has it because you keep quiet.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:12

Hi Dione they said that when i choose to leave if there are spaces available at the refuge then i could go to a refuge where i would be safe but he said he will hurt my family if he can't find me.

OP posts:
winetintedglasses · 28/12/2015 15:12

He sounds pathetic and more like his bark is worse than his bite when it comes to people he thinks he has control over. Why don't you tell your parents about the threats and the abuse and make a plan to move there, and agree with them that as soon as he turns up, he's not allowed in and you call the police. Every time. Get a new SIM card. Think how your children will feel when they see you being strong and on their side.

winetintedglasses · 28/12/2015 15:13

Let him make his wheedling little threats- call the police. Get it logged.

Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:13

Hi RumAppleGinger yes i have chatted with Womans aid before and they were lovely and i will chat with them again and see what options are available for me to get out of this relationship.

OP posts:
Original poster
Clarkey2345 · 28/12/2015 15:15

Hi winetintedglasses he does make a lot of threats towards me and my family and he knows i won't leave because he said he will hurt my family but it's been 7 years now and i need to be back with my children.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 28/12/2015 15:18

Please talk to WA again Clarkey. Just think, this could be the last Xmas you ever have to spend apart from your DC and your family, next Xmas you could be in a safe peaceful place with your children and nobody shouting or threatening.

LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:18

There is no way your parents don't know. Why are the children with them if not to protect them? Agree with pp, your silence and inability to ask for support is what enables him to control you. Once his threats are known he loses power. Can you call Samaritans? If he works can you use that time to plan your exit.

Sallyhasleftthebuilding · 28/12/2015 15:19

Does he work? Are you allowed out alone?

Shutthatdoor · 28/12/2015 15:19

The only way things are going to change is if you leave.

You say you want your children back. They have been in care for a number of years.

Unless you leave and show you are serious about this. Whilst you are with him it isn't going to ever happen.

Sunbeam1112 · 28/12/2015 15:20

How can you choose a man over your kids. Your destorying those kids childhoods. You got parents go stay with them. They deserve better than what your giving them. Call the police report him andnstRt living your life.

Sunbeam1112 · 28/12/2015 15:21

No child should have to indure care

LIZS · 28/12/2015 15:22

Are the dc officially in care or looked after by your parents?