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Original poster

"leagues" of attractiveness - who's out of your league?!

271 replies

DraenorQueen · 26/11/2015 19:56

So, I'm fat. Size 22, 5 foot 7. Huge boobs but undeniably fat. I'm sociable though... genuine, intelligent (i like to think!!) and have an acceptably pleasant face. I've slept with many men, some of whom were EXTREMELY good looking, and when I think back to these I always think "god, they were out of my league." And that got me thinking. Does anyone else have these "leagues?" Do you put yourself into a league and do you do it with others?

I'm stewing it over tonight as I REALLY fancy a (single) bloke from work, and we flirt and get on a treat. But because I'm fat and he's incredibly fit and attractive, I automatically write off the possibility of anything because he's "out of my league."

I hate that I do myself down and apparently don't regard myself as a "catch." But... I can't help feeling this "leagues" thing is real. Would welcome any thoughts.

OP posts:
Northernnights · 26/11/2015 20:02

I think most men I meet are out of my league. If they do flirt or say nice things to me I either suspect they are taking the piss or are being kind.
I don't have much self worth. I should work at it as I am a bit sick of being single.

ALaughAMinute · 26/11/2015 20:06

You need to start thinking of yourself as a 'catch' as it sounds like you've got a lot going for you! Don't forget that confidence is attractive so perhaps this is something you are lacking?

I do think in terms of leagues but I recently had a crush on a guy who was very average looking but had a great personality so perhaps there is hope for me yet!

Seeyounearertime · 26/11/2015 20:07

Each persons leagues are likely different though I'd imagine becasue no 2 people find the same attributes attractive.

I hate that I do myself down and apparently don't regard myself as a "catch."
It's not really about whether you think you're a catch, its whether the person you likes thinks you are. Iyswim?

I'm an antisocial, misanthropic, unemotional 36 year old girly man.
Not many women would consider a guy who loves Kylie Minogue, is interested in women's fashion, would rather go shopping than to the pub, paints his nails and knows more about My Little Pony than Man Utd a "catch" necessarily.
But I don't care, cause my GF thinks I am. :) thats all that matters.

So yeah, of there are "leagues" they'll be almost indefinable.

That's my two cents at least.

yeOldeTrout · 26/11/2015 20:08

I honestly don't think being fat puts you in a different league.

Badly groomed, foul-tempered, lacking confidence, those things mark league boundaries.

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 26/11/2015 20:09

I think DP is out of my league. I like to watch him sleeping 'cause it still amazes me that he's there happily sleeping with me.

Allgunsblazing · 26/11/2015 20:11

I'm no oil painting, but I look at them all with a 'you should be so lucky'. My first boyfriend taught me that, many many years ago when I really really not only I didn't look good, I was an emotional wreck as well. Served me well over the years :)

BooAvenue · 26/11/2015 20:15

I don't think anyone is out of my league Blush.

I'm not fantastic but my husband is bloody gorgeous, fit, toned, kind, charismatic and has a great job. I've dated a fair few others like him as well. Goodness knows what they all see in me! I'm pretty porky to be frank!

Original poster
DraenorQueen · 26/11/2015 20:17

Interesting posts!! Nice to see happy people in great relationships who think their partners are just awesome Grin
trout I wish I didn't see fat as a "league-dropper" IYSWIM. I think it's due to a difficult upbringing with many relatives constantly shaming me about being fat. I'm a happy confident person generally, with a great career and fab prospects.... Socially, I'm great in conversation and laughing, but dancing and stuff?? With skinny, gorgeous women mates? No way!
seeyou youre absolutely right - how great it must be to find someone who doesn't just "accept" you despite your weird bits, but thinks you're perfect.... Smile

OP posts:
MadeMan · 26/11/2015 20:41

OP, you say you've slept with loads of EXTREMELY good looking men, but you don't fancy your chances with a fit and attractive bloke at work?

Surely with that impressive track record you should be thinking about eating him for breakfast; no problem. Smile

southeastastra · 26/11/2015 20:45

i don't put people into leagues of attractiveness. just whether i think they're decent people or not, looks mean nowt

Original poster
DraenorQueen · 26/11/2015 20:47

Haha!! "EXTREMELY" good looking sounded less knobbish when I was hastily typing out an OP.... Grin
I really have! But... I was younger. And while I've always been big, I was less big a few years ago. I seemed to have confidence as a size or two smaller. Now I feel horrendous. The answer, I know, is to lose weight.

OP posts:
UptownFunk00 · 26/11/2015 20:49

Nobody is out of my league. If they don't like how I look they can fuck off.

I'm not a confident person and know I'm fat and a little odd looking but if someone wants to judge me on that I wouldn't want to be anywhere near them.

I think it's dangerous to see people as lower or higher than you to be honest.

IreallyKNOWiamright · 26/11/2015 20:52

I think in this generation, people are judged on their looks and not personality. I notice a lot of christmas adverts are sexy slim good looking women, and it can get us down. BUT lets stop there. I think you should focus on if their is a connection, and if you do, I think you should keep flirting.

MadeMan · 26/11/2015 21:01

"I think in this generation, people are judged on their looks and not personality."

Definitely. That's why all the young men these days are down the gym getting buffed up and then tattoed at the parlour; it's all image now.

KaluzaKlein · 26/11/2015 21:10

uptown funk

Bravo. My thoughts entirely!

marzipanmaggie · 26/11/2015 21:32

I think there's two separate levels at play here. There's the underlying level of real life attraction and "leagues" don't really affect who you fancy. That's all down to chemistry and you can fancy someone who breaks all the rules of what is deemed acceptably attractive. So a classically good looking person may desperately fancy someone who is massively overweight, badly dressed etc, if they are confident and get on well and if the chemistry is there.

But there's also what you consider your appropriate "league" to be what sort of person you see yourself with and whether they are up to the standard you want to reflect back to society. And then I'm afraid people do have leagues and won't date someone who they consider is too fat/too old/not fashionable enough/too badly dressed. I know I've been guilty of this in the past not so much now but when I was younger. And I've been on the receiving end of it too.

Original poster
DraenorQueen · 26/11/2015 22:03

Really insightful, Marzipan I think you're absolutely right. I've done it too, and been on the receiving end.
My last boyfriend was stunning in the classical sense but we clicked 100% physically - he preferred bigger women, which of course took away all of my insecurities about my body. (We'll ignore the fact he subsequently cheated and impregnated OW)
The chap I work with is stunning in the obvious way. Good body, handsome, intelligent, good job. But he's modest. I think he sees me as a confidante rather than a potential GF though. We text a lot in the evenings - 10-20 times a few nights a week. Oh I don't know. I just know that his ex was very slender, conventionally attractive, etc.

OP posts:
aWowChristmasGuna · 26/11/2015 22:10

Gone are my days of dating men in my league. Im slim attractive funny sociable but im in my forties and men my age have more power in the dating game. .. :-(

Some people get annoyed if u refer to leagues but id spare myself the disappointment of chasing after really handsome charismatic men.

aWowChristmasGuna · 26/11/2015 22:14

I slept with some very good looking men in my 20s but it meant nothing. I was channellng hugh heffner. Thought it would validate me.

What breaks my heart (a bit) is whenbu think u have a connection with somebody and they dont want a relationship with u.

Helmetbymidnight · 26/11/2015 22:17

I'm with the nobody is out of my league gang!

And I'm not all that Smile

Maybe it's where I live? Grin

BolshierAryaStark · 26/11/2015 22:18

I think the same as Uptown I'm not gorgeous but nobody is out of my league just as I'm not out of anyones league. You either like the package which is me or you don't.

aWowChristmasGuna · 26/11/2015 22:19

So you have never experienced unrequeited attraction?

marzipanmaggie · 26/11/2015 22:22

aWow I know what you mean but I do think its a state of mind. If you are truly confident in yourself you can totally break through that. It's more a question of whether you'd want to be with anyone that shallow that they thought 40 was off-limits....

coyotejo · 26/11/2015 22:23

No one is out of my league. Traditionally attractive men don't do it for me, especially if they are preeners. Someone who understands quantum wave theory or can play the piano are more likely to interest me that some handsome guy with nothing between his ears.

Sallystyle · 26/11/2015 22:25

I thought dh was out of my league, he thought I was out of his!

I'm talking purely in looks.

If I was single I would never attempt to chat up a really gorgeous man, I admit. I am not ugly, just average I guess.

I actually feel quite sad I feel that way now.