"leagues" of attractiveness - who's out of your league?!

[DraenorQueen]

So, I'm fat. Size 22, 5 foot 7. Huge boobs but undeniably fat. I'm sociable though... genuine, intelligent (i like to think!!) and have an acceptably pleasant face. I've slept with many men, some of whom were EXTREMELY good looking, and when I think back to these I always think "god, they were out of my league." And that got me thinking. Does anyone else have these "leagues?" Do you put yourself into a league and do you do it with others?

I'm stewing it over tonight as I REALLY fancy a (single) bloke from work, and we flirt and get on a treat. But because I'm fat and he's incredibly fit and attractive, I automatically write off the possibility of anything because he's "out of my league."

I hate that I do myself down and apparently don't regard myself as a "catch." But... I can't help feeling this "leagues" thing is real. Would welcome any thoughts.

I don't think it is about 8.5 or 9.

Purely in terms of looks I'd give Aljaz as near as a 10 as humanly possible.

Janette I'd give a 6/7. She's got a good figure, but no boobs and a slightly plain face.

However, I think those kind of judgements are dehumanising and beside the point. Nobody is just their looks.

Janette is one of my favourite of the pro dancers and I totally understand why Aljaz finds her attractive: she's charismatic, dynamic, great dancer, great choreographer.

I hate the idea of someone being out of anyone's league purely because of what they look like.

So - we can't agree who is on what level and we can't agree on what constitutes a 'league'. Some posters leagues are purely about looks and others think such as class and status etc.

(I must admit class has never occurred to me).

a lot of actors who are popular with women are good examples of men who are almost plausibly 'normal'. The viewer can almost imagine that Mark Ruffallo and herself could hit it off and that their compatibility would trump their slightly different leagues (looks wise, ie, he's an 8 and she's a 6)

That's what makes these actors so popular. They're not as good looking as models but even in their day dreams women are being realistic. Their power of self-deception is too weak to allow them to day dream that they could be the lover and confidante of the a young brad pitt (this is just an example)

I'm going to get a brace Donatella. Get my teeth done. Maybe that will bump me up half a point.

My ex-husband left me after 27 years of marriage, then I had a 5 year fling with a drop-dead gorgeous man 14 years younger than me. I knew it wouldn't last, but he boosted my self-confidence and we had fun.

No internet dating back then, so I turned to singles clubs and was massively disappointed. The men were just .... boring. Then a "friend" said to me "can you afford to be so fussy?". I was 50, slim, attractive, good job, solvent - but I thought, maybe she's right. So I dated a man who'd been pursuing me who I didn't fancy and didn't find interesting. Disaster and the worst sex I've ever had (only once).

Now I'm with someone who isn't good looking, who doesn't share my political beliefs, it's no love match - but we have an active, interesting, varied life style, the sex is great and I'm happy.

I agree with previous posters - no such thing as leagues, being equally attractive doesn't mean you'll click, if someone doesn't fancy you it doesn't mean you're not fanciable - and yes, you can afford to be so fussy.

'I hate the idea of someone being out of anyone's league purely because of what they look like.'

Well, I don't because I'm pretty revolted by pot-bellied, weathered looking guys 20-year-older than I am thinking they have a chance with me and hitting on me. I don't find them physically attractive at all. Just yuck. And it's even more insulting when they know I am married to a fit, thin man who is nearly 7 years younger than I am.

Most people are probably average; make up and styling stuff then adds extra to the attractiveness.

There are definitely 'leagues'
It doesn't mean you will fancy everyone in every league. "So saying [insert celebrity here] leaves me cold" doesn't really mean anything. I rarely see huge discrepancies in physical attractiveness in couples and when I do there is more often than not a bonus factor such as wealth and usually in those situations the woman is the better looking of the 2.

Aljaz doesn't look like a 10 to me, him and his partner look evenly matched both are good looking people with fit bodies.

I think I'm out of everyone's league
Lol
Mainly because I was bullied throughout high school. Called ugly and a tramp and all sorts so it ruined my confidence. Then I met my husband who cheated on me and was texting random girls telling them they look stunning and all that so that ruined my confidence even more. I with him for 10 and a half years and I'm only 27 so that's a lot of years of feeling pretty worthless
To me this 'out of your league thing' depends on how confident you are. If your very confident then you will see no one as out of your league but having little confidence i don't think anyone would fancy me and the only person I could get in life is my husband and if I was to leave him no one else would want me. I get told I'm not ugly and stuff but I don't believe it, especially after giving birth to 4 children. I used to be a size 8-10 but now I'm a 14. I do feel very unattractive and lonely.
I suppose shit happens.

Every person I've ever been with has been out of my league. I tend to attract (and am attracted to) sporty types because despite being a size 14 and technically obese I'm really into running/hiking etc. The only people who have ever commented negatively about this were insecure lonely people who didn't get that a woman is worth more than her dress size.

I don't think I've ever thought of someone as out of my league looks wise. Now I'm over 50 though I accept young men are unlikely to want a relationship with me (well balanced intelligent ones with other options that is) but that's OK as I prefer blokes my age. Men don't seem to get this though and often try it on with much younger women which is odd as I think most women my age look younger than the men.

Yeh a lot of people don't like the idea of leagues but it doesn't mean that they're not there. So you don't like everybody who's the same league as you, and not everybody who's the same league as you would consider you but it doesn't mean that leagues don't exist! They do for sure.

Sammyjayneex, you're right, confidence is a part of the whole package. You would have more if you weren't made to feel second best all the time. You are only 27. Your whole life could be so different in a few years and you'd still be very young. Don't write yourself off yet, but maybe, write off your husband!

I don't think 'leagues' really matter. I think it's who you are and who you have chemistry with. I'm fairly attractive (late 30's), size 8, do some modelling, and I've never had a successful relationship, lots of people say I'm absolutely lovely but I let men treat me really badly and haven't yet a suitable match yet (I don't generally like to go for really good looking types). I'm working on getting happy with myself and then I think I'll meet my match.

ASk an ugly person if leagues exist.

"I'm a size eight model and I don't believe in leagues''. Right. As said upthread, there are many ways to turn somebody off, many deal breakers..

I've never considered anyone out of my league. I don't think everyone fancies me, but I would never think that anyone couldn't possibly.

I'm bloody great, any man would be lucky to have me!

I'm not stunning by any stretch but I don't count anyone as out of my league, if there is a connection or a spark then it's a green light. There's more to attraction than just looks.

I think very good looking, much younger men are maybe out of my league. Simple because I am ancient to them.But its cool - I dont like much younger men, anyway

Anyone else? I've got a fair shot, I reckon

How can you be a size 14 and obese??? :O

"I wonder if I'm delusional about my league."

Similar to being fussy, it's not something you can easily "help" if you know what I mean. It's easy to tell people to lower their expectations, but if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling it. It also depends on just how much you want to be in a relationship. Some people are happy being single unless someone really great comes along, and there's nothing wrong with that (although I think we should consider whether fussiness is covering a fear of intimacy/commitment).

"How can you be a size 14 and obese???"

I suppose it depends on how tall you are. If you're a size 14 member of The Lollipop Guild then you might be considered obese.

"a lot of people don't like the idea of leagues but it doesn't mean that they're not there."

Like a lot of people don't like talking about social classes, but they still exist.

""How can you be a size 14 and obese???"

Size inflation? Today's size 14 is yesterday's size 18.

OP, there will be vast numbers of men in the world who will find your 'huge boobs' so distractingly and addictively attractive that it wouldn't occur to them to judge any other part of you than the part they want to get at. If on top of that sexual attraction you get on and they like you and they are super fit, that's good. But don't assume because some parts of you are unconventional when it comes to attractiveness, that men will dismiss you. men are far more forgiving than us, I think. They notice what they like and are blind to the rest.

Adele is a modern size 18 (or bigger) yet in a very elite league.