"leagues" of attractiveness - who's out of your league?!

[DraenorQueen]

So, I'm fat. Size 22, 5 foot 7. Huge boobs but undeniably fat. I'm sociable though... genuine, intelligent (i like to think!!) and have an acceptably pleasant face. I've slept with many men, some of whom were EXTREMELY good looking, and when I think back to these I always think "god, they were out of my league." And that got me thinking. Does anyone else have these "leagues?" Do you put yourself into a league and do you do it with others?

I'm stewing it over tonight as I REALLY fancy a (single) bloke from work, and we flirt and get on a treat. But because I'm fat and he's incredibly fit and attractive, I automatically write off the possibility of anything because he's "out of my league."

I hate that I do myself down and apparently don't regard myself as a "catch." But... I can't help feeling this "leagues" thing is real. Would welcome any thoughts.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I think most people could make themselves look a heck of a lot sexier and mor beautiful with a bit of work"

Yes, but plastic surgery aside, you can't change the shape of your features and over a certain age it's very difficult to change body shape as well.
Susan Boyle looks much better after her makeover, but is still not beautiful.

[donnattella]

I look at Adele and don't think she looks overweight at all. Id' not want to shag her though because her songs are so depressing I wish she'd shut up.

Yes I know you can't polish a turd as my Dad would say but you can make it better.

I have a big nose it's also bent. One eye is bigger than the other, one eyebrow a diferrent shape. I have got thin hair and no arse and no matter how thin I am, there's always a double chin.

From the age off 11 I was fat. No boyfriends in school. No friends. Eating in the toilet on my own.

I lost weight at age 14 and got a perm and started wearing makeup and sudenly had boys all over me and got the "cutest" guy in school.

After a painful breakup at 18 I got fat again. Up to a size 22 and about 14 stone. I stopped dressing well, weating makeup, doing my hair and became a bit mumsy. Absolutely not a single boyfriend that whole time.

At the age of 22 I lost it all again. This time went down to a size 12, got my hair done, started wearing makeup every day, got very good at it to disguise my imbalanced features, started dressing well all the time...I am known for my heels and pencil skirts and being permanently well grooomed and I spend a lot of time on how I look.

Once that ws done, boys chasing after me again.

I know the world is shallow, I have lived it, and it's left me feeling always a bit insecure inside...that how I look made such a difrrence but it does and it did.

I spend forever on looking good -not to attract a man per se, but because i now feel obligated to. I am not a natural beauty like my Mum for example, but I scrub up well. Most people would die if they saw me in the morning and that's a lot of pressure at times I put on myself.

All that work and I still get cheated on and left and all of that. Only differnce is I have men chasing after me. Not sure it makes any diferrence to happiness.

[cheapskatemum]

I just don't get the whole league thing. Don't get it at all.

[spaceyboo]

I'm 5 6 and weigh 85kg, which makes me obese but right on the borderline. Am quite bottom heavy and muscular so wear a 14 bottom and 12 top.

[HustleRussell]

Wherher we like it or not, of course there are leagues and based purely on looks. Seeing a good looking guy with a less attractive girl or vice versa is usually noticed.

Personality is important of course but it is a shallow world we live in.

[Twinklestein]

Noticed by whom? You.

Just grow up and stop being so shallow.

[aWowChristmasGuna]

It is noticed. It's commented on. I think a mismatched couple is vulnerable to outsiders noticing and making a move on the more attractive half of the couple........... they'd see that couple as being less secure because of the mismatch.

Telling people who see this to grow up is mad. You don't see it? Ok. But this is life. Sad though it is. I wish it weren't so.

[aWowChristmasGuna]

gwenhwyfer it would be interesting to see what league strangers male and female put me in or who they matched me with. Fascinating. Depressing? I wonder if the reason I've been mostly single for the last three decades is because I am never attracted to the people who are attracted to me. It's never reciprocated.

[HustleRussell]

Twinkle-of course people notice. It is natural. Being the less good looking and therefore possibly the less confident partner may not be good in the longer term.

[Twinklestein]

This is life for people who are insecure, unconfident and a bit shallow.

It's very depressing that you live that, and sadly I think it's likely to be related to why you've been single so long.

I can guarantee male and female strangers would rate you in completely different ways. And it would be meaningless anyway as it would take no account of personality and interests, which is key in attraction.

[Twinklestein]

You notice clearly and Guna, but it's all a bit tragic tbh. You both sound insecure to be blunt. And I think if you worked on that rather than spending So much energy assessing relative looks of the people around you, you'd be a lot better off.

It's what teenagers do but most people grow out of it.

There are lots of good looking people who aren't terribly confident. And there are people whose looks aren't going to set the world on fire, but have great confidence and charisma. So your link doesn't even hold water.

[HustleRussell]

Maybe you are more mature than the rest of the world but plenty of people notice. The world is all about looks-why do people bother buying fancy clothes or a convertible car? People know they will be looked at.

I think we can also agree that men notice good looking women. Yes, we all know that looks ate not the be all and end all when you are looking for a relationship but it is the first thing you notice about a stranger.

And believe me, I am anything but insecure ;)

[Twinklestein]

The world is all about looks

So we choose our MPs, doctors, dentists, lawyers, teachers, soldiers, plumbers, builders, tree surgeons, train drivers, mechanics for their looks do we?

I buy fancy clothes because I love clothes, people get fancy cars because they love cars. There are a small subsection who choose cars for appearances alone but they are twats.

Your insecurities shine through in your posts so trying to deny it makes no odds. What you have failed to grasp is that people who are not insecure don't think the way you do.

[donnattella]

The world in general is a very superficial place. It's not a minority who feel that way.

Maybe it's that people look for matches and not just about looks.

No one would expect one of the cast of made in chelsea to date a chav.

No one would expect an outdoorsy marathon runner to date a couch potato with 5 bellies.

No one would expect to see a goth with a doctor in his suit and tie.

No one would expect to see a 20 year old with an 80 year old.

No one would expect to see someone off the Jeremy Kyle show dating someone off University Challenge

No one would pair off a toilet cleaner ith the CEO of a bank.

Mayb e it is just that we look for our matches in ALL of those ways, and each one is superficial in its own way.

[donnattella]

So we choose our MPs, doctors, dentists, lawyers, teachers, soldiers, plumbers, builders, tree surgeons, train drivers, mechanics for their looks do we?

No, but we do choose our Actresses, TV presenters, dancers, musicians, Idols, Sex Symbols, Porn Stars and anything else where they are supposed to create an "attraction" or something to aspire to be.

We don't choose our friends based on looks, but lovers, for sure...most people do.

Because we are required to lick them, have sex with them, put their bits in our mouths.

We have to feel a sexual attraction and most people cannot control who they are or are not sexually attracted to.

I could sit for a hundred years with some people and not want to have sex with them. I can't control my bodily attraction

[Gwenhwyfar]

"I wonder if the reason I've been mostly single for the last three decades is because I am never attracted to the people who are attracted to me. It's never reciprocated."

Yes, but that might not be a league thing, that might be the 'treat 'em mean, keep 'em keen' thing, i.e. you are attracted to someone you have to try hard to get, they seem more attractive because they're not following you around. It's a very common problem I think.

[Gwenhwyfar]

"gwenhwyfer it would be interesting to see what league strangers male and female put me in or who they matched me with."

I believe there are websites that do that (people rate each other), but I wouldn't really want to know...

[Helmetbymidnight]

But again, what has fancying someone got to do with 'leagues'.

Still I suppose if someone did go on about looks and leagues, I would know they were a league below me intellectually and wouldn't be interested.

I am surprised some people argue the world revolves around looks. It is a very 'young' point of view.

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

No one would expect to see a goth with a doctor in his suit and tie.

Every goth girl knows how easy it is to pull a conventional man...

[ThisIsStillFolkGirl]

I am surprised some people argue the world revolves around looks. It is a very 'young' point of view.

It's also a very 40something view because it's the experience of many newly single late 30s/early 40s women.

The men I meet now want someone young, slim and pretty. In their eyes I'm just old, fat and ugly. Even if I'm actually not.

[MrsMolesworth]

donnatella I'm not sure what you describe is proof of the world's shallowness. When we take care of ourselves we project an image which is as much about our inner state as our outer. A healthy, well groomed person gives off the message: I care enough about myself to look after myself, so I won't be a burden on you. A slim or muscular body says: I'm active. Go out with me and we'll be out and about doing stuff, engaged with the world, not slobbed on the sofa guzzling pies.

It can work the other way though. I'm overweight and most of the time I look like a real fright. But when I scrub up and feel great, I turn heads and get chatted up, despite being short and fat because I feel good and happy, and that lures people, regardless of size.

[zannyminxoxox]

No ones out of anyone onea league. It's whether you both are attracted to each other. The onl person out of my league is Ryan gosling, if I ever did meet him though I would give a good flirt just on the off chance and Im size 24, you never know ;)

[PolkaDotMouse]

Not sure whether to laugh or cry at this thread. How do you define your leagues? Surely attractiveness is more than looks?!

Wherher we like it or not, of course there are leagues and based purely on looks.
So in your book everyone is shallow and people make moves solely on looks?

It is noticed. It's commented on. I think a mismatched couple is vulnerable to outsiders noticing and making a move on the more attractive half of the couple........... they'd see that couple as being less secure because of the mismatch.
That's a truly horrible thing to think and I would say it is something that is down to your insecurities.

I happen to be youngish, typical Mediterannean looks, Olivia Palermo-type, look after myself, love fashion, given the chance will buy labels if the clothes are nice, generally get loads of male attention. So superficially that's me put in a box. But I'm also intelligent, super-shy and not confident at all.

Confidence is not based on looks. A real relationship isn't based on looks. Attractiveness is so subjective and is based on way more than looks so there's someone out there for everyone.

Typical classical Greek beauty looks do nothing for me. So Aljaz leaves me cold. I like Kenneth Branagh types and a man who is kind and makes me laugh and who I can have a conversation with about intelligent stuff and won't assume that all I'm about is appearances and sex. As long as he lets me spend my money on the clothes I like I couldn't give a shiny shit whether a man fits 'a league', or whether he wears Armani or M&S. I would have no time for a man who is interested in me solely because I'm in his league look wise.

I'm sure people have a bit of a type they like but nothing to do with leagues.

[Twinklestein]

The world in general is a very superficial place. It's not a minority who feel that way.

If you have superficial values you will see them everywhere. We create our world according to our ideas and beliefs. We project out beliefs onto the world around us with a confirmation bias.

You concede that people generally look for 'matches' ie people with similar interests and values to themselves. But then you come out with the non sequitur that all of the ways in which we look for matches are superficial. Which is ridiculous.

Many people go out with someone in the same line of work or a with a shared interest or shared values etc.

Millie Mackintosh, one of the original MiC cast is married to a 'chav'.

Some very fit, athletic people of both genders have larger partners.

I've no idea why you think a 'goth' couldn't go out with a doctor, some doctors are 'goths'.

You don't see many 20 yr olds with 80 year olds but that's not about looks.

CEOs of large companies offen marry a secretaries or someone else junior to them. just as doctors often marry nurses.