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Original poster

Am I being paranoid or do you reckon I'm right?

301 replies

donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:04

I'm not sure if my imagination is running away with me here.

Relatively new man, we've been seeing each other about 6 weeks and a we're exclusive but it's early days.

A had a nagging annoyance throughout in that he seems to be online on whatsapp quite often and very late at night. We're late twenties, but even I don't get 1am or 2am texts from friends on a daily basis so it made me a bit Hmm wondring who the heck he is talking to all the time.

He's not weird about his phone, and he doesn't use it at all when he's with me, and have noticed he aslo doesn't really get late night texts when he's with me either. I did notice a text from one girl a couple of weeks ago, and it was just friend stuff but it came at midnight. He'd just left the phone on the table and it flashed up. Nothing funny on the text, no kisses, just a contuinance of a conversation.

I was a bit Hmm so I checked on that girl and found she lives overseas in a place he used to live, and maybe the time diferrence might be why all the late night texting. He does hve a lot of female friends. She's not especially pretty, but he "likes" a lot of her photos. More than he does mine actually.

Anyway, he booked a holiday to go over to see friends. Says he has a lot from when he used to live there and obviously this girl lives there too. I didn't ask where he was going or who he was staying with - we're not at that stage yet and would not know who the people were anyway- but we made a date for the day after he gets home.

Not heard from him much, and I have noticed a couple of things that would indicate he's with this girl. Same photos being posted from both of them, that sort of thing. Also noticed he's never online texting since he's been away.

Am I being totally paranoid? Is he likely shagging this girl or is there a good chance they are just good friends? I've no reason to find him not trustworthy but it's nagging at me.

OP posts:
VikingVolva · 19/11/2015 18:09

How old is the girl? Is she the daughter/younger sister of one of his friends?

I think this is probably flimsy basis to be concerned about paedophilia, unless you have spotted sexual interest in girls in other ways.

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:09

Sorry, she is the same age as us! I am worried hes cheating, not a weirdo!

OP posts:
spanisharmada · 19/11/2015 18:11

Sounds like friends to me

Lozza1990 · 19/11/2015 18:12

I find that usually a gut feeling is right. Why would you not ask who he's staying with? I mean, no interrogation obviously but I'm sure a 'oh who are you going with?' is pretty standard. I would just keep an eye out on how he is about his phone, and don't be afraid to ask about her or anyone just keep it casual until you know for sure.

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:12

Well he's staying with her, just confirmed that from photos. And I know that in itself isn't a big deal but just makes me uncomfortable for some reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:14

If I asked him he'd just say he was staying with her anyway. He's pretty open about female friends.

It's just the sheer amount they text (and it must be with her) that bothers me. I feel like that level of texting then suddenly flying over and staying with her is a bit odd.

I don't think he's a liar, not at all, but maybe she might be interested in him (I don't txt my male friends that much) and who knows.

OP posts:
LineyReborn · 19/11/2015 18:16

Either ask him, or dump him anyway.

HotNatured · 19/11/2015 18:16

where did the paedo thing come from Confused

DancingGoose · 19/11/2015 18:17

i dont really understand why you wouldn't ask him where he is going/staying if you are exclusive?

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:24

Because we had one date in between him deciding to go on hols and actually going and he just said he was going to see friends. Didn't occur to me to ask where he was staying...I don't know any of them so seemed a pointless question.

I assumed he'd be staying with a man though!

OP posts:
Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:27

So what I really want to know...if you txt a girl all the time, daily, for long periods and you go and stay with her on holiday is it dodgy?

Anyone else have a relationship like that with member of opposite sex?

I have quite a few male friends who text me late at night but those are the ones who are trying it on.

The ones that don't fancy me text sporadically to see how I am

I know I might be just assuming it's her he is always talking to, but my spidey sense are just off the chart here.

OP posts:
TooSassy · 19/11/2015 18:51

Too little info to make a call on

  1. what's the history with this girl? Have they ever had a thing
  2. how far do they go back?

My honest opinion is that he has/ had a thing for her. She hasn't reciprocated it. So they're friends.

My best friend is male and he lives in a different country. But he did have a thing for me when we met. We moved past that.

It's not a reason to end what you have but I'd keep an eye out for how he speaks about her when he's back.

blatantplacemark · 19/11/2015 18:54

You can't do a thing at this stage of your relationship. I'd concentrate on doing your own stuff and trying to stop fixating on this guy

firesidechat · 19/11/2015 18:55

What Viking!

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 18:57

History is he met her because she was a friend of his ex. They stayed friends.

Like I said, she's not very attractive (much, much less so than his ex) so I dunno. Not that this is the be all and end all but I know he was madly in love with the ex.

He doesn't mention her.

OP posts:
Whoknewitcouldbeso · 19/11/2015 19:02

He doesn't seem to be trying to hide the fact he is with her, so that's got to be positive. Has he changed his status to 'in a relationship' since he started going out with you? Is it obvious online that he is with you?

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 19:06

He's not tried to hide he's wth her, no. I am sure if I aked him he'd say "oh yeah, was staying with my friend *" and be blase about it.

I just find it odd that they appear to text so much when he's here and she's there, he "likes" so many of her photos on FB and he's staying with her and appearing to go out for lots of meals / drinks just the two of them.

I just find that weird!!! It's not like there's a group of them.

No, not obvious online that he's with me, but his friends here know about me.

I just feel this sense of dread for some reason. Whole thing makes me uncomfortable.

OP posts:
pocketsaviour · 19/11/2015 19:08

I think Viking was making a point about this person being referred to as a "girl" when if she is the same age as OP and BF, she is a woman.

OP I think the trouble is, you have only been seeing him a very short time and therefore don't have much info that you can give us.

He could be interested in her, or vice versa, or both. Maybe they used to be an item, maybe not.

Some guys text a lot, to both sexes, some don't. My ex used to text late at night but when I checked his phone, it was to his cousins, who were also night owls. He just used to get bored after I'd gone to bed and text all his friends and family to see who was still awake!

It's early days. You might be over-thinking this. He might be over there now, intending to sleep with her. Or it could be purely platonic. I think you have to just let it go and stop worrying, or it's going to eat you up.

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 19:10

I know I am totally paranoid here, but I trailed through her FB and his first "like" or interraction online with her was about a month before we started dating. Before that, nada, then all of a sudden he "likes" practically everything she posts.

I was friends with him for a fair while before we started dating (he was asking me out the whole time), and he never interracted with me online until we'd gotten together and after that he "liked" a lot of my things too.

It's just creepy.

There's no way I can ask about this and gain anything from it. If he's a liar and a dick, he won't tell the truth and if he's not I wouldn't believe him anyway.

All really annoying, but I honestly can't think of a male friend I would do that with.

OP posts:
Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 19:11

How am I ever meant to know though PocketSavior? Thats what bugs me!

OP posts:
TooSassy · 19/11/2015 19:56

Interesting

Is she still good friends with his ex???

Because this may have nothing to do with this girl. It may have something to do with his ex. And his wanting to provoke a reaction from the ex

Sorry to say it but some people use FB in not very positive ways.

He may not be. But I tend to agree with you, this doesn't sit right with me either

Fratelli · 19/11/2015 19:56

My best friend is male. We talk loads and it's purely platonic. To be honest I think "likes" on Facebook is a really immature way to judge a relationship! You sound really paranoid. It's just not worth it! Move on I think

Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 20:06

I don't know if she's still friends with his ex. I do know he told me he wasn't seeing his ex. That he'd thought about it but was well over it so wasn't going to contact her.

I know I might be being paranoid. I've said it lots of times myself but just can't help feeling like it's very off

OP posts:
Original poster
donnattella · 19/11/2015 20:07

To be honest I think he is shagging her. I really do.

Is that all you need to go off?

OP posts:
happystory · 19/11/2015 20:13

What fratelli said