This describes him to a tee. I am a very busy woman, away half the time with my work, and live a fair distance from him. He has to do a fair commute to get to see me and I always took his willingness to do this as another sign of how much he liked me. Looks like men like this actually seek that out so they can see you less! Also says they seek out women far away of an diferrent age!!
All of this is the stuff he was like. Have to say a lot of it, like playing a lot of sport and working long hours and remodelling his hosue was actually quite appealing. He had his own life and wasnt clingy.
Was really weird though because he was so affectionate and keen and wanting to move quite fast for the first bit and I was a bit less keen. As soon as I was more keen he went the opposite way.
If I got upset or mentioned it or he'd either get pissed off like "I do have to work you know Donna, as much as I'd like to I can't revolve my life around you". Or he'd act offended "how can you say that, I travel all this way to see you, I'd not do that if you weren't a priority" or he'd turn it on me "I know you're over sensitive Donna"
Bleugh!!!!
Now it all makes complete sense, so I know I over analyse and over-vent probably but gets it out and I feel a lot better today and much less agitated and angry. He's obviously got problems.
They pursue ardently until they win the woman over
It isn’t long though before they suddenly start rejecting the woman, by not ringing or not wanting to see her for days, or not including her in weekend arrangements.
Severe commitment phobics play the seduction/rejection game. They can’t make the decision to give totally to the relationship, but they can’t commit to walk away either. They feel trapped by both choices. They feel love for the woman when they don’t see her, but they want to run away when they become involved again.
They tend to limit the amount of time they spend with the women and treat her as a low priority.
They often choose women who are not the type of partner they are looking for, for example they may be much older, much younger, live long distance, a very busy job, are married, or they may have different interests. They use these differences as excuses to end relationships.
They can have a history of frequent career change
They avoid events or outings that may include the woman's family or friends
They like to feel in control and create time frames that suit them, often treating the woman like a puppet on a string.
A commitment phobic won’t allow the relationship to grow and they have no intentions of ever doing so. They can be moody or aloof and blame the woman for why they are acting so bizarrely.
They lie, or they are evasive and secretive about where they are and what they are doing
Severe commitment phobics may have very little furniture, not own property or a car
They often don’t invite women to their home because of their peculiar living arrangements, but they have no desire to change their situation
They are often unfaithful in relationships
Severe commitment phobics don’t want to get too close to a woman, or vice versa.
They seek relationships where commitment is not possible, for example with married women
Behavioral inconsistencies are very noticeable with these men when they find themselves getting too close. They create distance.
A lot of uncaring sabotage behaviors surface eg. working long hours, taking on extra projects, creating space, not ringing, being late, finding fault with the woman etc.
They often choose to travel a lot for work, to play a lot of sport, or be involved in many projects to create distance
They usually end up behaving worse and worse, and they sabotage more and more because they want the woman to end the relationship as they feel too anxious and guilty to do so.