Am I being paranoid or do you reckon I'm right?

[donnattella]

I'm not sure if my imagination is running away with me here.

Relatively new man, we've been seeing each other about 6 weeks and a we're exclusive but it's early days.

A had a nagging annoyance throughout in that he seems to be online on whatsapp quite often and very late at night. We're late twenties, but even I don't get 1am or 2am texts from friends on a daily basis so it made me a bit wondring who the heck he is talking to all the time.

He's not weird about his phone, and he doesn't use it at all when he's with me, and have noticed he aslo doesn't really get late night texts when he's with me either. I did notice a text from one girl a couple of weeks ago, and it was just friend stuff but it came at midnight. He'd just left the phone on the table and it flashed up. Nothing funny on the text, no kisses, just a contuinance of a conversation.

I was a bit so I checked on that girl and found she lives overseas in a place he used to live, and maybe the time diferrence might be why all the late night texting. He does hve a lot of female friends. She's not especially pretty, but he "likes" a lot of her photos. More than he does mine actually.

Anyway, he booked a holiday to go over to see friends. Says he has a lot from when he used to live there and obviously this girl lives there too. I didn't ask where he was going or who he was staying with - we're not at that stage yet and would not know who the people were anyway- but we made a date for the day after he gets home.

Not heard from him much, and I have noticed a couple of things that would indicate he's with this girl. Same photos being posted from both of them, that sort of thing. Also noticed he's never online texting since he's been away.

Am I being totally paranoid? Is he likely shagging this girl or is there a good chance they are just good friends? I've no reason to find him not trustworthy but it's nagging at me.

Don't waste your tears on him, he's an arse. Block him and move on

I am honestly distraught. She's changed her profile photo to them cuddling up!!!!

OP! From my perspective, you haven't "stalked" him at all, you've just had an uneasy feeling, which you have acted upon.

He has behaved like someone you would not want to date (had you known what a twat the is) anyway.

His behaviour is very telling of the sort of person he actually is. Have a cry, and some regrets, but YOU are not the person who is at fault here.

Live and learn!

He's a coward for not telling you donnattella. Better you found this out about him today than in 6 months time.

What a wanker,
He was obviously keeping his options open to see how this panned out.
It's so difficult but cut it loose & move on.
Block BOTH on Facebook & block his number.
No drama no fuel to the fire,
Lick your wounds then move the fuck on!!!

^block his number as well & do not text him!

Thing is OP, he is not staying there, he is coming back!

He's probably that stupid to think you haven't seen all the posts on facebook.

Don't let this bastard get you down. You were right from the start. you have every right to be upset right now, But all the signs were there for you to see, you didn't have any power in how he was going to act. He had this planned all along.
He was totally disrespectful to you.
When he comes back, and when he contacts you, which he will. For Gods sake don't meet up with him.
Don't give him the chance to start his bullshit and break up with you.
Don't answer his calls and don't speak to him. He's an arsehole. Don't let him see how much he hurt you.

Be strong. You will be fine. Remember you were right all along!

I would find it very hard to not go mental on their FB pages, but I am an "act first, regret it later" person.

I agree with block and move on.

Really sorry, OP. What a truly shitty way to treat someone.

cant believe it

Believe it!

And be prepared for some major bullshit when he gets back, he'll probably tell you you're paranoid!

Do your crying tonight, but by tomorrow do something nice for yourself and move on. He's not worth it.

Okay, so, anything I had seen before today I would only have seen if I was checking up. Nothing was posted on his instagram and he'd done zero FB updates the whole time.

Today, the only thing showing on his page is them at dinner, but obviously she has changed her profile pic, which I'd not have seen unless I was checking up.

Sorry, but feeling very glad I was checking up actually, because I was being taken for a mug.

No doubt he is that dumb he'll have no clue I think anything is amiss. He'll be expecting to come home and see me as bjrce thinks.

Cried down the phone to my male friend and asked him what to do...if I should post something, If I should block, If I should ignore and he said "what would Audrey Hepburn do?"

And I think Audrey Hepburn would not react at all, that he would not block, not post anything and just ignore all further communication, then quietly unfriend and delete.

I want to try and act with a bit of class because he's acted with none at all.

I am sitting there putting it all together.....

So he has been constantly "online" texting, she is txting him here when he is here late at night....probaly chatting away. They agree together for him to come over and stay with her for a visit...he comes and says he's decided at the last minute to go see some mates and then he spends a week cosied up with her at her flat, meals our every day, careful to ensure anything incriminating goes on HER facebook and instagram, being sure I don't see anything.

I mean...most people on holiday post heaps of photos and status tags on facebook, right? He posts nothing.

All this while she will have no clue I exist and as far as she is concerned they are having some romance which had been developing for ages and I am absolutely certain from piecing timelines together that it only began after he started seeing me.

And he is probably too dumb to even realise that I know any of this.

Total bag of shit.

This is why I am paranoid. I am alays apologising for myself for being paranoid but if people didn;t behave like this there'd be no need!

You see! As my mother always says " when you think about something long enough, you will always come up with the answers!.
I am not joking, she always said that.

You sound stronger. You are right not to post anything on FB. Your Friend gave you good advice.

Its his loss, you are way too good for him. You know that now. Be indifferent to him. He'll be pissed off that you couldn't care less about him. Arsehole!

Yeah, I really think he won't even know why I am pissed off

The one good part of being a covert stalker.

At least I can laugh.

My guess is hes probably feeling a little bit of a smug little playboy. I reckon he'll probably get home & try to contact you & if he does I think I would try & act as uninterested, busy & carefree as you possibly can. Casually give him the brush off. That should bring him down a peg or 2. Dont give him the satisfaction of showing you're upset.

You sound way too good for him. And way too clever. You need someone kinder & more open than that idiot. Try & look on the bright side, at least you found out he was a dick at the beginning of the relationship.

That's great advice Cb148

I do think he thinks he's the man.

I've not posted a lot here, but honestly, what that man went through to get me to go out with him...he befriended me, was "there" for me during my last breakup. Kept telling me not all men were dicks and to try again and take a chance on him, he as "one of the good guys".

Im just so shocked. I thought he was a nice person.

A friend looked at it all online and she said that her posting constant photos and tagging and profiling him smacks of desperation.

I looked at the dates all the interactions started and it was three days after our first date. Reckon he's been playing us both or at minimum enjoying the attention.

He's an idiot. I agree with your approach, just delete quietly and don't rage at him about what a cunt he is, don't even let him know you're upset. Sorry for you

Honestly some people bug me, why bother commenting on the post if all your going to do is judge, pick at what she's done wrong or have a go! Op posted for advice not for anyone to judge her! Some people must b perfect ay?
anyway op sounds awful and i would be exact same as u in my eyes when u r with someone it's not natural to spend that much time with someone of the opposite sex (just MY personal opinion before u all jump on me)
hope ur ok as previous posters have said keep ur dignity and don't in any way show him u r upset, although if I was u I would have by now posted a message on his page just to say "hope u r having a good time can't wait to see u" or something along that lines just to make urself known to the OW doesn't have to be anything needy or ott!

I'd aim for slightly distant and vaguely civil.

A friend looked at it all online and she said that her posting constant photos and tagging and profiling him smacks of desperation.

That seemed cruel when you and she are in almost identical positions.

Thanks all. Thumping headache. Thanks for being there. Really humiliating but I'm glad as you say that I'd not become involved with someone to callous and thoughtless and bad at understanding how the Internet works

Donna I know your very into rating looks but your idea of beauty mightn't be his idea of beauty.

Thanks. Helpful.