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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Just found this message on DH work phone

174 replies

gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:00

It was DH birthday yesterday.
I've just dneaked his work phone out his suit jacket and found the following text
" happy birthday bubbles hope ur ok x"
The number is listed under Craig
I rand the number on my phone and predictably a woman answered .
I've texted and asked who bubbles is and she replied I must have made a mistake.
I texted again and included the screen shot but she fobbed me off , said she had no idea what I was on about.
My DH has changed her to a male name in his phone and she texted him yesterday. At 7.45 am on his birthday yesterday.
He has form for this kind of thing. The most recent only in February.
I left his phone out in our room. He went upstairs and took it.
He has now gone out " to the shop"
I've changed her number to mine in his phone so hoping to catch them

OP posts:
Wombat22 · 19/05/2015 18:03

Oh. That doesn't sound good OP Thanks

HelenaDove · 19/05/2015 18:03

It doesnt sound good Especially not if he has form already Im sorry OP Thanks

Wombat22 · 19/05/2015 18:03

Very clever changing the number though. Genius

Original poster
gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:04

Last time this happened I said he could do what he wanted, I didn't care any more , and maybe we should just muddle along. He said sorry and that he wanted us to work but that he had a self destruct switch on and he didn't know why he did it.
My oldest is doing GCSE now so need to stay calm. I'm just sick of it but have 4 DC and run a business . Separating won't be fun.
I'm stuck
What do I do?
Confront him now, or wait till tomorrow and start checking phone. I'm sick of the constant surveillance

OP posts:
NewLeaflet · 19/05/2015 18:04

The trust has gone, you clearly think he is cheating. What next?

FernGullysWoollyPully · 19/05/2015 18:04

I'm so sorry for you Flowers I used to have a rotter like this.

Clever way of catching him out though.

Noneedtoworryatall · 19/05/2015 18:04

My exhusband used to do this.

Note I said ex husband.

They never change!

Fatstacks · 19/05/2015 18:04

What will you do when he texts?

Sorry he is a wanker Flowers

MaccaPaccaismyNemesis · 19/05/2015 18:05

It sounds like this is a foregone conclusion. Stay strong OP

Original poster
gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:06

This is the 4 th time since November.
He is adamant he wants me and is sorry
I think he likes the chase. Don't think he's shagged anyone but I don't know

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 19/05/2015 18:06

Has he called OP?

You are not stuck. You do not need to put up with this shit

Fatstacks · 19/05/2015 18:08

You are worth more than this, lock the twat out turn off the phone and have some space.

Original poster
gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:10

I never get the truth. He denies and minimises. I stay for the children . I asked him if he wanted an open relationship but he said no

OP posts:
Fatstacks · 19/05/2015 18:10

No he wants to fuck about while you stay faithful.

pocketsaviour · 19/05/2015 18:12

Last time this happened I said he could do what he wanted, I didn't care any more

Sounds like he took you at your word.

This is not a man who's built for monogamy, clearly. If you require monogamy for a partner, it looks like you'll have to seek someone different. I'm sorry. :(

Looseleaf · 19/05/2015 18:13

If my husband was called bubbles by anyone that would be enough for me. Far too familiar and cosy.
I'm so sorry and you sound very cool for swapping your number, I hope he makes a fool of himself so you at least have the dignity of the truth

Original poster
gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:13

I wonder if I shoukd say something now, text the OW or wait.
She hasn't replied to the screen shot I sent her , but I bet she rings him tomorrow. Maybe I shoukd find his phone and hide it so I can see message from her tomorrow

OP posts:
Wombat22 · 19/05/2015 18:14

It would be the end for me. I imagine it must be draining you having to check up on him all the time. 4 times since Nov is horrendous. I think I would demand that he hand me the phone to examine when he gets back. If he says no - show him the door. In fact, if you've caught him on 3 other occasions, why bother. Just get him out and give yourself a break.

SurlyCue · 19/05/2015 18:14

Ok. I dont mean to be sharp as this is a horrible sitution but re-read your posts. 4 times since november? Pet you just end it. Dont fuck about trying to catch him. You dont need proof, you know whats going on, its as plain as day. Just end it. If need be hold off til after DS GCSEs but really this one needs no thought. He has no notion of stopping. Dont pretend to yourself he will. Youre only delaying the inevitable by not dealing with it now.

Fatstacks · 19/05/2015 18:15

Do you need any more proof?

It seems like you already know.

Cherryapple1 · 19/05/2015 18:15

you already know enough to dump him though. You did in Feb presumably? And him stating he has a self destruct button - that doesn't justify infidelity does it? Surely you are worth more than this?

pocketsaviour · 19/05/2015 18:16

I asked him if he wanted an open relationship but he said no

Oh god, my last ex was like that. In fact he made me feel like a right slut for suggesting it (at the start!) and said monogamy was essential for him within a relationship.

It took my sister to point out that the reason he said this was because he wanted to shag around in secret, but wasn't prepared to let me shag around in the open!

Knobheads.

NeverSayNoToPanda · 19/05/2015 18:16

If he's gone out to the "shop" and taken his phone, would you not think he's gone out to call her to sort out their story?

Original poster
gubbygubby · 19/05/2015 18:19

It's not that easy though . 4 DCs full time job, I work evenings . It's just to much to bear doing it alone

OP posts:
StretchyTheMonkey · 19/05/2015 18:20

How horrible. Did you delete the message before changing the name? If not it will show as just a number and throw up that something is wrong.