Just found this message on DH work phone

[gubbygubby]

It was DH birthday yesterday.
I've just dneaked his work phone out his suit jacket and found the following text
" happy birthday bubbles hope ur ok x"
The number is listed under Craig
I rand the number on my phone and predictably a woman answered .
I've texted and asked who bubbles is and she replied I must have made a mistake.
I texted again and included the screen shot but she fobbed me off , said she had no idea what I was on about.
My DH has changed her to a male name in his phone and she texted him yesterday. At 7.45 am on his birthday yesterday.
He has form for this kind of thing. The most recent only in February.
I left his phone out in our room. He went upstairs and took it.
He has now gone out " to the shop"
I've changed her number to mine in his phone so hoping to catch them

[Tequilashotsfor1]

nana I thought that waaaaaaaay back.

[handfulofcottonbuds]

Bingo Nana - let MNHQ decide

[LilyBobtail]

"Bubbles"? Really?

[TandemFlux]

When you say he's done this before, what exactly do you mean? What has he done before? You haven't given real details.

What were the Facebook messages because you haven't explained.

The birthday message could have been perfectly innocent. I have ex/old colleagues who were good friends, who I would text happy birthday to first thing over morning coffee.

I think putting her in his phonebook as Craig/deleting message is odd but I can see that if you are ultra paranoid and make his life hell with every female friend he has, he could easily just do that. Alternatively, name changing and deleting could be part of a deceit to hide her and chase? Im on the fence because I don't know enough.

I'm only putting another view forward because I haven't read any hard evidence of an affair/chase and because I have some male friends. People do have friends of the opposite sex.

Do you both have friends of the opposite sex?

I think the porn might or might not be an issue depending on how addicted he is and also how you feel about his porn usage.

I also don't know why you are expecting an apology or explanation from lady Craig. Seems over the top if nothing's been going on.

[Satinslippers]

She might be a regular prostitute that he uses so any messages saying 'you are welcome to him' would be like water off a ducks back.

[BitOutOfPractice]

Satin I was thinking the same.

Craig = Craigslist

[DownWithThisTypeOfThing]

So bizarre.

[gubbygubby]

I'm really not having anyone in. I can't even be bothered to try and defend those accusations. I'm pissed off enough.
I am not all distressed as it has happened several times before. The first time 4 years ago I was a wreck, but I can't go there again. No more tears.
I've actually hidden his work phone thismorning and I'm waiting to see if she texts him today . He admitted he went out to ring her last night because he wanted to ask her if if I had rung her

[gubbygubby]

The facebook messages were an old girlfriend from 25 years ago messaged him to say hi, then he carried on flirting and had a week of sending each other messages as soon as a left in the evening. He was saying sorry for treating her badly, and how he wound like to make it up to her ect.
4 years ago I found out about him having some sort of EA ( I think) with woman who worked next to his office.
He asked to move offices to prove to me he was not going to see her.
In September he was moved back to this office . I then found out 4 years to the day that he had been in touch with her again.
I checked phone records and there were 16 texts to her.

[tallwivglasses]

And this is your life. How depressing OP

[TandemFlux]

But what was in the Facebook messages/texts? Still need more info as she could just be a good work friend.

[gubbygubby]

I'm wondering if I should text her on his phone pretending to be him or text her on mine and try and get her to admit by saying DH has told me everything .
I will sound a bit unhinged though if it is who he says it is

[TandemFlux]

I think its fine for someone to apologise for behaving badly in the past. In what context did he say he would like to make up for it? It could be something or nothing really.

[TandemFlux]

That does sound unhinged sorry.

Can you answer my last question?

[tubbytimmy]

What difference does it make if she admits it or not?. He has disrespected you on more than one occasion.

Your time would be better spent planning how you can leave him imo.

[TandemFlux]

I really can't work out if you are an paranoid partner who hates her DH having female friends at work or if DH truly is chasing women and this is causing you to be insecure.

So do you both have friends of the opposite sex?

Please give more examples of the FB and text messages.

[Christinayanglah]

I really don't understand this, what difference will it make it you found out...you know his history, he has also apparently been diagnosed with sex addiction but didn't seek help, what more do you need to know??

[AGirlCalledBoB]

Why the keep wanting to text her, you sound like a desperate sad woman now. Enough you now he is texting other women, you know he is being secretive and you know he has form. What else do you need to know?

Looking at your other threads, it's clear you won't leave him because of the kids and the financial security so what on earth can we suggest

[SylvaniansAtEase]

Why bother texting pretending to be anything?

You know what he is. Who gives a shiny shit what the details of his latest tiresome, predictable, loserville cheaty-times are?

You'd be far far better off planning what YOU want to do next, for YOU, what would make YOU happy, how to get the future YOU want.

He honestly is an absolute waste of any headspace.

Start thinking finances.
GCSEs will be done soon...
Your business, or both of you?
Joint account, joint savings? Get details of his holdings, account, pension. Get access to what you can and copy docs.
What's the situation with the house?

Get your ducks in a row and leave the little shit.

Oh, and if you do any texting, just reply to her:

'Love, save it for someone who gives a shit. You're the fourth one since November. All I can say is that I'm getting more grateful to you and the others every time this happens (and he's once again too thick to cover his tracks) - there's nothing like hearing it from the horse's mouth. Remember, that was the last message you were going to reply to, so I don't expect to hear any more nonsense from you. All best, X'

[DonVitoCorleone]

It's ok love - you are welcome to Bubbles. His hobbies are watching porn and chasing women and you are just the latest in a long line

Send this. Then kick his arse out

[Cherryapple1]

honestly - why torture yourself further. You have a million reasons to dump him - way more than his latest peccadillo. I can't see one reason why you would stay with him. Why on earth do you??

[StretchyTheMonkey]

don't contact her. She is not your problem your husband is

I do understand the need to want to know everything but really what's the point? You'll question anything she tells you anyway unless she tells you the worst because at this point you believe the worst in him.

You have two choices put up with this and live your life with constant suspicion or tell him you're done.

There may be a sense of security in staying but is it worth it? To chuck a cliché out there, you only get one life. Do you really want to live it like this? I don't think you do but I also don't think you can see a way out of it. There is. If you want to. And if that's what you decide there are plenty posters who can offer you advice in how to do it and start making plans.

I understand why you sound detached, you have to be because what's the alternative If you stay?

[gubbygubby]

Trying to keep the family together . Not a popular choice on this Forum.
I'm scared of being on my own with 4 children