Just found this message on DH work phone

[gubbygubby]

It was DH birthday yesterday.
I've just dneaked his work phone out his suit jacket and found the following text
" happy birthday bubbles hope ur ok x"
The number is listed under Craig
I rand the number on my phone and predictably a woman answered .
I've texted and asked who bubbles is and she replied I must have made a mistake.
I texted again and included the screen shot but she fobbed me off , said she had no idea what I was on about.
My DH has changed her to a male name in his phone and she texted him yesterday. At 7.45 am on his birthday yesterday.
He has form for this kind of thing. The most recent only in February.
I left his phone out in our room. He went upstairs and took it.
He has now gone out " to the shop"
I've changed her number to mine in his phone so hoping to catch them

[GilbertBlytheWouldGetIt]

Oh come now. This is as dodgy as it looks.
Don't look for zebras, they've had a "thing" or has been a "thing" or there's "thing" potential.

So what are you going to do about it?

[26Point2Miles]

Look you need to leave and set your kids an example. I left with 4 dc, it's not impossible

Unless you want your kids thinking this is how relationships actually work?

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

The person you should be getting angry with is your H, she owes you precisely nothing and she is under no obligation to you to at all answer. He straightened his story with her before you spoke to her.

Do you believe all the rubbish that comes out of his mouth because its somehow easier for you to stomach?.

Is there any possibility of you now working days instead of nights?.

Is the shop you manage jointly owned?. How is it you have a shop and you're working nights as well?.

[YellowTulips]

It's not a marriage OP.

So have a think about what you are trying to hold on to.

Equally think about what you could gain by moving on.

Yes - the transition will be hard and painful but there is the opportunity for so much more than this.

I really don't think on their deathbed anyone says "I'm really glad I spent my life with a cheating scumbag who had no respect for me and who I grew to intensely resent, dislike and eroded any sexual impulse I had because the thought of touching him was vile".

You only have one life - live it.

[Justusemyname]

sounds like he's been badly affected by the dentist treatment.

[PintOfJohnSmiths]

This is the 4th time since November? This is no life OP, he has no respect for you, get rid, you will get help and support.

I know you have children and a business to run, but there are ways of working around things, do you have family nearby to help?

Anything has got to be better than this

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

I have to look at your part in this gubby because you are playing a role here as well as he is.

What emotional gaping hole within you are you trying to fill here?.

What did you learn about relationships when growing up?.

[Pandoraperoxide]

Reading the responses I think it's hard for anyone to tell you what to do. Only you can decide. The key is in my humble opinion is that you are worth more, you deserve happiness and it's heartbreaking to hear how his behaviour is affecting you. Look at what it's making you do! Checking up on him all the time? Your children will be picking up on the vibe in the home regardless, happy separated parents are so much more than battling parents staying together 'for the kids' ... It's no example to set... Wishing you strength for whatever you decide.

[wannabestressfree]

Poor kids.....

[Christinayanglah]

The Craig could be short for someone he has met from Craigslist

[magoria]

You do know it is all a load of bollocks right?

He is still in contact enough with this person now for her to be texting terms of endearment & happy birthday first thing on his birthday not from when he was being deceitful but because he still is.

He has offered for you you call her because they have had a chance to get their stories straight.

If it makes you happier to believe this then that is your decision.

Good luck.

[SlightlyJaded]

Seriously? He has form for this and you have caught him read handed AGAIN and yet you are choosing to believe his bullshit.

Please don't do this to yourself. Effectively your last text to her might as well have said "Silly me, for a minute there I was seeing with clarity, but luckily for you both, I have returned my head to the sand and apologise for my moment of madness"

Your H and OW will be laughing at the fact you actually fell for such a badly drawn lie.

This thread is not about whether your DH is lying. Because it doesn't matter. He has done it before and will do it again. This is about where your threshold for being made a fool of lies.

I know I sound harsh and I don't want to kick you whilst you are down. I want to make you angry. With him.

[MsAdorabelleDearheartVonLipwig]

Has anybody said yet that the most obvious answer is usually the right one? That always sticks with me. And about how nobody ever regretted leaving an arsehole. They never come back on here and say they wish they hadn't done it.

[gubbygubby]

I've just had a text from her saying that she was not being shifty but was being bombarded with messages Forman unknown number . She finished the text with "nothing else to say"
Do why did she not say that yes, sorry that she was DH s colleague and sorry for the misunderstanding?
I work till 8 on a wed, thur and fri. Don't work late on a Tuesday .

[OurGlass]

He's feeding you massive lies.

[Joysmum]

This isn't about her though.

[gubbygubby]

I asked him why he deleted the text and he said he didn't know what to do. As ive deleted her number and replaced it with mine then I don't think he will have her number handy as he deleted her text.
As her last text to me was quite hostile, she doesn't seem to be pleasantly trying to get her story straight does she?

[Mabelface]

He's a serial cheat. Gather up the last vestiges of your self respect and give him the boot, otherwise he'll spend the rest of your married life shagging other women and putting you at risk of diseases.

[inlectorecumbit]

gubbygubby do you have such low self esteem that you are falling for this pile of shit that is flowing out his mouth?
Your H is a lying cheating cunt. If you ignore it and do nothing (and he does know that you know that he is cheating) you are basically giving him a green light to carry on.
Get some self respect and for the sake of you and your DC's get shot of him AND get yourself to the STI clinic

[ShonaOCasey]

blimey you are all so damn harsh against men... so much aggression and c words being posted
give the guy a chance

[gubbygubby]

I wish I knew who he was intending to ring when he rang me from the shop tonight. The number came up as work phone, but as ive put my number in as hers I have no way of knowing if he was trying to call her or me. He's just gone to pick up DD from her friends. I looked out the window and he was looking at his phone.

[Christinayanglah]

Text her from his phone

[gubbygubby]

He has got his phone with him. I took it earlier when he was asleep . I'm surprised she is not texting me back, if it's so innocent why is she not trying to explain as they are meant to be friends from ages ago.

[Christinayanglah]

Why did counsellor say he had a sex addiction?

[gubbygubby]

Chasing women and porn . He had some sessions on his own so I don't know what was said. Ido t see the point in going back to hear more crap from him