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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

954 replies

OpheliaRose · 23/04/2015 08:58

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

OP posts:
Cherryapple1 · 28/04/2015 20:52

Well done indeed. Make sure you block little miss WF too.

And tighten up your FB settings too. Limit posts to friends only, hide your friends list, etc. There is lots you can do.

Phoenix0x0 · 28/04/2015 20:54

Great! Well done you!

ava had a fab idea and agree that it would help to detach.

TinLizzie · 28/04/2015 20:54

And remember, whatever he puts up for the rest of the world on fb, it really doesn't matter to you. Makes no difference whatsoever, and you don't need to know. Anything important, someone will tell you. xx

I feel proud of you. I know we're essentially strangers, but I feel proud of you for that enormous step forward.

TinLizzie · 28/04/2015 20:56

What are your 'comfort' films/programmes? Think about it, and buy them to watch. Snuggle down on the sofa, get comfy with some non-sharing food and watch til you fall asleep. Treat yourself.

CaveMum · 28/04/2015 20:56

Now that you've blocked him on Facebook, feel free to tell everyone exactly why Wink

GERTI · 28/04/2015 20:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FriendofBill · 28/04/2015 20:58

I would go to bed if you can and want. You must be exhausted. Conserve your energy for precious DT's tomorrow.
A clear conscience is a soft pillow.

HoggleHoggle · 28/04/2015 20:58

Really well done

BeyonceRiRiMadonna · 28/04/2015 21:06

Well done OP. We are all rooting for you. Maybe tomorrow you can write a post telling your world the truth as opposed to his F*ckedup version of events.

Christinayangstwistedsister
I love your style, slow and painful. The TWAT!

I wish him premature ejaculation, may he receive it in abundance!

Justusemyname · 28/04/2015 21:07

I got into bed at 7.20 on Sunday. Blush. Do what you want, Ophelia!

Mumof2brightsparks · 28/04/2015 21:08

i have posted on this thread a few times but have named changed because another lovely lady was using a very similar one!
Anyway, Ophelia, well done on blocking him, I can understand that the need to know was very consuming but I can guarantee it will help you to detach slowly!
That move will send a very clear, kick in the balls message to him as his gall is unbelievable and he clearly thinks he is in control of this at the moment.
You are doing incredibly well, listen to the wonderful advice you have on here and please remember you have done nothing wrong, you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of and you have every right to tell the truth to anyone and everyone who asks!
Xx

CheesyDibbles · 28/04/2015 21:11

A good box set will always help. Depends what you like. The Good Wife was great (lots of examples of dignity after infidelity) or Damages - lots of strong women in those two!

OpheliaRose · 28/04/2015 21:14

I doubt he'll notice honestly ...sounds like he is just all about the OW right now.

I want to say a massive thank you for all your help, support and advice. Everyone keeps saying how strong and dignified I sound and honestly I dont feel it right now so having all you lovely ladies backing me is really helping.

I'm so tired, its been so long since i slept properly. I think I am going to try sleep soon in case the twins wake back up in the night.

OP posts:
HootyMcTooty · 28/04/2015 21:21

Nobody could be strong and dignified all the time at this stage, but as long as he sees and hears you being strong and dignified, it doesn't matter if you're a snotty mess the rest of the time, you're entitled to be.

NaiceNickname · 28/04/2015 21:21

Is there any chance you could ask your GP for something to help you sleep, even just as a one off? I'm sure your mum wouldn't mind having the twins whilst you get some much needed sleep. Everything seems so so much worse when you're exhausted. Hope you manage to rest well tonight, another day done Smile Brew

Wristy · 28/04/2015 21:22

I think he will notice and I think it sends a really strong message in that you won't be paying any attention. That will sting especially tomorrow night when she's playing happy families with her ex.

Night night chick. Xx

TakemeforwhatIam · 28/04/2015 21:24

Well done! Such dignity, you really are putting them to shame Flowers

magoria · 28/04/2015 21:25

Fake it until you make it.

What Hooty says.

One day you will thank her for being on her knees taking him away.

molyholy · 28/04/2015 21:27

Well bloody fone for blocking on fb! Big step. Totally agree with Hooty
Nobody could be strong and dignified all the time at this stage, but as long as he sees and hears you being strong and dignified, it doesn't matter if you're a snotty mess the rest of the time, you're entitled to be
You have totally thrown him. Bet he is thinking wtf has happened to Ophelia.

Ledkr · 28/04/2015 21:27

Ophelia, big brother starts soon.
It got me through my break up.
I'd watch it in bed and text my friend and sisters as it was happening!!
You can come onto the PWB big brother thread where we just take the piss, it will be a distraction for you.

molyholy · 28/04/2015 21:28

*done not fone

MilesHuntsWig · 28/04/2015 21:28

Congratulations Ophelia! You are well shot!!

bedraggledmumoftwo · 28/04/2015 21:29

Well done, you are doing great. Stay strong. Flowers

TinLizzie · 28/04/2015 21:40

Ledkr < what you just said. Whatever programme you enjoy watching Ophelia, just watch it. Doesn't matter if you have to watch it 5 times over because your mind wanders, just keep doing it.

Whatever you feel, or whatever thoughts you have are completely normal. Tuck yourself up in a blanket and watch TV all night if you want. Sleep will come when it needs to. For the DTs? Well, they'll know something's up but they are too young to remember any details, so don't fret about that. As long as you love them and keep as much normality as you can, they'll be fine and probably won't even notice that the twat's missing for a while. They're young! How many of us can remember being ... 2? 3? 4?. Not really.

If you want to eat comfort food, or crisps, or salad, all day, then do it. Do what's good for YOU right now and sort out any residual matter later.

People DO follow a pattern, so all the advice on this thread is spot on, because many people have been in the same situation a few times over and the same pattern emerges (although your situation is quite extreme, to be fair). No-one can tell you what to do - only you can do that. All we can do is offer advice from our perspective and hope that it makes it easier for you.

You need to do what's best for you - not anyone else. Only you know what that is.

DragonsCanHop · 28/04/2015 21:50

Delurking to say you are strong and its a breath of fresh air to read what you have accomplished and how much lower he is stooping.

please get your DB or DD to do the handover tomorrow, crossed with the FB block it will hammer home the message.

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