Affair - not sure how to cope part 2

[OpheliaRose]

In my previous thread I found out my husband was having an affair with a girl from work and has decided to leave me for her.

My previous thread is here for anyone who would like to se ether full details Old Thread

Do exactly as Gerti said, by doing this you are also stopping him using " the won't let me see the children" card

DO NOT SEE HIM

Go out tomorrow night, meet a friend, go shopping, go for a massage....anything,,but just keep away from him

Delurking to also lend my support to the idea that you should say:

'Sorry, the twins and I have plans with my parents tomorrow. But I can see you're desperate to see them...how does Thursday sound?'

Good Luck, you're wonderful

You are getting amazing advice and doing well to let it guide you. And also yes to blocking on FB especially as TinLizzie suggested, you would feel gut wrenchingly awful if he did it first.

If you really think that he's got to be out of the way tomorrow night as OW has plans, then I'd make jolly sure the twins were unavailable. Life's a bitch sometimes isn't it?

Yep deffo be busy with the kids tomorrow, he can only fit them in as WF is otherwise engaged so make it to suit you, you are not being unreasonable he can't just rock up when he can fit his kids in , though am surprised as WF and her ex have such a great friendly relationship why he can't be there to join in the happy family tea, there is more to this all friends together than meets the eye!!! Tell him you are out at a play date tomorrow he can take them Thursday or Friday and try and get someone at home to do the handover also leave a pair of your highest killa heels by the door that should get the cockwomble wondering!!!

Agree with the 'sorry busy Wednesday night, signed kids up for swimming lessons (or some commitment which fucks up his idea of seeing them when the whore is tied up each Wednesday night). How does Thursday sound?

Agree. 'Unfortunately we have plans tomorrow. Thursday is a possibility.'

Yes love the killer heels idea! Genius!

Agree with gertis fab advice. Hope you are ok op.

The ow is a very bad egg. She knew her 'bf' was sleeping with his wife yet still had (unprotected) sex with him. Charming woman.

I also would say no to tmrw but then it would be my pleasure to crucify this cunt.

His tone and language suggests that he thinks he is behaving in an honourable manner. What a deluded prick.
You are awesome Ophelia and doing brilliantly

Don't mess around with the DC.

As others have said simply say they will be ready at x and have someone else do hand over.

He will use everything possible to beat you with. Don't give him any ammunition.

If he can commit to having them every Wednesday away from her this is better for your DC.

If he can also have them the same weekend she has her DC, if she wants to protect her DC that means you have longer before your DC meet her rather than forcing them to do it when she doesn't have her DC and him taking yours along to her.

He is a complete wank stain and is trying to hurt you now due to your lack of response. Don't let him realise he is. Deny him the satisfaction.

Plus you look bloody good just handing them over in less than 24 hours when he decides on a whim (to upset you) that he wants them. This will help later when you want the times he sees them set in stone...

WF and her ex may well have an amicable relationship, but believe me, he will not be happy sitting with her ex, child and her. Puts him on the sidelines when they're sharing their happy stories. He will never be happy with that comfortable little scenario and it will burst his bubble quite quickly.

Agree with the idea of high heels by the door...
How can someone you were so close to turn in a minute, and become someone who would hurt you so much!
The fact that he is pissed off about you telling his friends makes me suspect his friends told him a few things he didn't want to hear!
Ophelia, you really are doing all the 'right' things, so much amazing advice here.

I love it that everyone now refers to the OW as WF wank fodder

How are you doing OP?

The trollop, a very stupid trollop, has she never heard "if he cheats with you, he will cheat on you!"

OP, so sorry that you are going through such a terrible time.

I just want to urge you not to use the DTs as a weapon, no matter how tempting it is. They are very young and you will need to maintain some sort of relationship with your stbxh for their sake, for many years to come. It is better for the DC if you can achieve some sort of compromise with their father, putting their interests first.

This twat really pisses me off!!! They've got it all seen up haven't they, she has ex to tea on Wednesday whilst you see the twins.
Like pp have said she's a shit mum if she moves in bloke she's shagged in office immediately. I wonder how your ex would feel if you moved another bloke in straight away?
No wonder you don't want your kids there, I fucking wouldn't either!

Thinking of you ophelia.

When it comes to the twins you're better off letting him see them. For now let him see them on a night that those two would usually have together. Eventually when it comes to having them for the weekend (long way off) make sure it's the weekend she doesn't have her child. it'll piss them off they don't get any time together, and if he kicks up a fuss and makes out that's a problem then you can bring that up to your soliciter.

Make sure you don't see him. As others have said, make sure your brother/dad/friend is there to do the handover.

Next time he's over or skypes put some headphones in and listen to music that way you don't have to hear his voice.

I also agree with deleting him off Facebook. It's much better than him deleting you which will happen eventually. Don't give him any power.

Respond only to texts about the children as well.

But honestly OP you are doing AMAZING!!! We are all hear for you and personally I admire the way you are handling all this. I know you probably think you aren't coping but you are.....one day at a time :) I don't think I would be able to handle this the way you are....you are doing brilliant.

Sewn not seen! I'm so angry I can't txt. and for you and a big hug.
Can I have permission to go round and put chilli in their undercrackers?

Can I have permission to go round and put chilli in their under crackers?

How about I break his legs mafia style and you ^ Betty?

(((CUDDLES))) Ophelia.

You've received excellent advice from all the previous posters.

Wow. His dickness just descends to new levels of twattery every time I read about him.

You've yanked his chain and he's not liking it. He's been the one in control for so long he's really struggling now you've taken the lead a bit. Fancy... telling the truth about his relationships... probably something that's pretty novel to him after all the months of deception!

As other have said-shields up around everything and everyone you hold dear now. So glad it went well at the solicitor.

X

I know this is probably not the 'right' thing to do... But hey , give him a little time to be alone and realise what he's done. DONT be available tomorrow.... You are out with the children/not home/ away With family.... Let him wander the streets for a few hours feeling uncomfortable while she plays happy , right on,' cool with my ex' ... It's time for you to call the shots. Tell him he can see them on Saturday afternoon 5pm- 7 pm eve ( that will put spanner in works of cosy weekend.! ) I'm not saying don't let him see them, just don't jump to his tune.

Yay yay Beyonce
We're badass
And cut off his knob at the same time

Hahaha. I was thinking WF would just be livid that the cat was out the bag, but if he really has to be out so he doesn't intrude on their special 'family' time- Ouch!! His nose must be really out of joint tonight. Nobody wants him around now! That didn't take long did it?

I'm inclined to agree about the FB thing, it'll sting a wee bit lot if he blocks you first, block him tonight. Xx