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Original poster

Has anyone ended up dating/in relationship with their long term doctor/dentist?

176 replies

beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 21:16

Not a very serious thread meaning I can get over my attraction to the guy, but I keep wondering 'what if'.

I know that in the UK people see it as nearly a crime for a medic to ask their patient out (or respond to being asked), so has anyone managed to go around that? If it helps the guy I'm attracted to in in private sector. I see him only about once a year for check-ups, an odd treatment so it's not like I'm dependent on him for anything serious. I always liked him and felt the chemistry (known him for many years!) but I've been in relationships before, and also I knew he was married. On couple of recent visits, I felt there was a lot more mutual attention and chemistry, maybe because we are both single? I don't know if he is, just getting more of a vibe than before.

If it's a no-go, I must try to ignore it but I'd love it if he asked me out. He knows my mob number, but I don't know his obviously. He wouldn't though, would he. Anyway, if anyone has positive stories, let me know, just curious.

OP posts:
LosingTheWillToSkate · 08/11/2014 21:21

Erm no, he wouldn't!

The reason its a massive no go is because he's in a position of trust and power. Its against his code of practice, and sorry to say, but it's probably all in your head.

My DH's consultant is absolutely breathtakingly hot, but if he ever put a move on me he wouldn't be so anymore.

Honestly there's nothing wrong with having a crush on someone as long as it doesn't seep over to obsession. Stop fixating on whether this guy will contact you!

WestEast · 08/11/2014 21:27

He could easily get struck off if he crossed that line and rightly so.

GoatsDoRoam · 08/11/2014 21:28

Have you posted about this before? I remember another thread from way back by a poster obsessing over her dentist.

cosmicnibbles · 08/11/2014 21:34

My sister asked a doctor out. They were together for years... He only saw her once as a patient though in a&e, and she thought there was chemistry so she wrote to him, thanking him for looking after her so well. He wrote back and that was that.

NoMarymary · 08/11/2014 21:34

All you have to do is change your dentist and then you can have any relationship you like. You are not a patient then.

I suppose you just have to be sure the attraction is genuine and mutual.

AnyFucker · 08/11/2014 21:35

you are "not sure" if he is single ?

NoMarymary · 08/11/2014 21:37

My niece married her teacher. She'd left school and the husband asked my DB if he objected. Not a massive age difference. They now have 3 lovely children and travel all over the world. They are gloriously happy Smile

RubbishMantra · 08/11/2014 21:43

Sounds like you are eroticising somebody in a position of trust. That then becomes very easy to confuse with imagined and actual intimacy.

Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 21:57

thank you all. I'm not saying for one minute that he's definitely attracted or interested, it's just a feeling as it's often the case at the start. The point is, there's no way of knowing for sure unless we meet one to one. AF no, I have no way of knowing for sure if he's married, needless to say I wouldn't want to date anyone who is married. I've noticed that he's more attentive than before but yes, I don't know.

cosmic, that's great, and she is brave, lucky though that he responded immediately. A&E is a bit different then (re position of trust)?

Yes, I could just stop being his patient any time. The question is, should I risk 'losing' a good doctor, when the odds are very small that anything happens. And if I do that, should I just ring the practice and inform him? wouldn't that look odd? I don't fancy waiting another year till my next check up is due Grin. I'm not THAT keen.

OP posts:
RudePepper · 08/11/2014 22:01

Oh no, it's not you with the dentist fixation again is it?

Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 22:03

btw he's not conventionally 'hot', so I bet he's not used to many patients being attracted or potentially making a fool of themselves.

OP posts:
hmc · 08/11/2014 22:06

Bit of a niche question - am sure hundreds of posters will reply in the affirmative (rolls eyes)

Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 22:07

RudePepper, I don't have a fixation whether it was me or not. Please if you don't like the thread, just don't post. Anyone is allowed to like someone for any length of time otherwise it will all be ridiculously fickle. As far as they don't hurt anyone and also notice other people, it's not an 'obsession'. I really don't want a slamming, thanks!

OP posts:
Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 22:09

hmc, haha I know it's niche, I was even going to say that, was only hoping for one or two posters to share experiences, if any.

OP posts:
RudePepper · 08/11/2014 22:29

I didn't say I didn't like the thread - I was asking whether you a previous poster who had a dentist fixation.

I also thought it was well known that it is not ethical for a Dr or dentist to date a patient and that to do so would be an abuse of power possibly leading to them being struck off.

AnyFucker · 08/11/2014 22:48

I think perhaps that you need help

QuintsBombWithAWiew · 08/11/2014 22:51

I remember a couple of years ago a thread where hot dentists were discussed, and it turned out that me and another poster were discussing the same dentist. What a coincidence.

Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 23:03

AF, really? vast munbers of people fancy someone at work or a boss, or a doctor for that matter. I would need help if either stalked him, or if never dated anyone else for the reasons of liking him - none of which happened.

Quint, how did you know which dentist? can't imagine somebody would be that specific of a forum , unless they PM'd you!

RudeP, I think the phrase 'oh it's not you again' and 'fixation' wouldn't be liked by anyone, I wouldn't talk to someone I hardly know in RL like that, but ok, never mind. Yes, I know it's not generally on, but I find it hard to believe that no doctor ever ends up in a relationship with a patience - so on an off chance I thought maybe someone had this happened to them. A poster above did have her sister as an example (not sure why A&E doctor is not seen as being in a position of trust, after treatment finished). I'm just curious, I haven't acted on this, so hardly out of control.

OP posts:
Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 23:04

patient, not patience!

OP posts:
QuintsBombWithAWiew · 08/11/2014 23:18

Well, he is rather unique in his ethnicity...... and it turned out we lived really near eachother, and the practice has multiple offices, and he works different days in each....

It is equivalent to talking about a Mongolian man from Norway who also speaks fluent Deutch and Finnish, and you know there cant be that many around fitting the description....

Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 23:26

'grin' that's amusing, do you mean you both fancied him? I assume nothing followed!

OP posts:
Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 23:26

Grin that is

OP posts:
Original poster
beaglesaresweet · 08/11/2014 23:27

fgs I can't do a grin! Grin

OP posts:
SelfLoathing · 08/11/2014 23:33

a thread where hot dentists were discussed, and it turned out that me and another poster were discussing the same dentist. What a coincidence.

This doesn't surprise me. Men who are good at the "I'm totally focussed on you" professional charm will have the same effect on a lot of women. The mistake is thinking you are the only one who feels like this and its reciprocated.

OP - I would imagine that however you are feeling, a lot of other female patients feel exactly the same way. He's probably used to women mooning over him and has a good laugh about it to his wife when he goes home.

You seem a bit unsure whether he is single or not. That's the first question.

Personally, I'd forget it.

If you can't, then it makes no difference how often you see him, why it is or that it's private sector, professional rules are professional rules. It's a code of conduct thing. He'd lose his livelihood. So no, he won't ask you out while you are his patient.

If you seriously think that he's single and there could honestly be something mutual (and its not all in your head), then your only option is at your next appointment to grab the bull by the horns and change your doctor - as you are virtually out the door say words to the effect of

"This will probably sound a bit of an over-reaction but [I've realized I'm very attracted to you. I'm sure I'm wrong but I had a sense that maybe it was mutual] or [I sensed there maybe a bit of chemistry between us] but either way I didn't want to put you in a difficult or professionally compromising position so I have taken steps to change my doctor. This will be my last appointment with you but I would be sorry not to see you again. all the best"

and then turn and run.

It's probably an utter waste of time but if it's really bugging you, you've got nothing to lose except a cringe moment if he never calls and when you think about what you said to him.

SelfLoathing · 08/11/2014 23:39

I find it hard to believe that no doctor ever ends up in a relationship with a patience - so on an off chance I thought maybe someone had this happened to them.

Really?!?!

Well if you spent 7 years studying and incurred the student debt to boot and your profession was your only source of income, would you chuck it away for a shag?

Doctors cannot date patients. CANNOT. It is forbidden and is a disciplinary offense. A doctor would have to terminate the professional relationship before they could even go on a date.

So it's not something common or done lightly. I know a lot of drs and I don't know a single one in a relationship with a former patient. I suspect, given the law of averages, it probably has happened. But it would be like hen's teeth or a blue moon and require the professional relationship to be ended first.