Has anyone ended up dating/in relationship with their long term doctor/dentist?

[beaglesaresweet]

Not a very serious thread meaning I can get over my attraction to the guy, but I keep wondering 'what if'.

I know that in the UK people see it as nearly a crime for a medic to ask their patient out (or respond to being asked), so has anyone managed to go around that? If it helps the guy I'm attracted to in in private sector. I see him only about once a year for check-ups, an odd treatment so it's not like I'm dependent on him for anything serious. I always liked him and felt the chemistry (known him for many years!) but I've been in relationships before, and also I knew he was married. On couple of recent visits, I felt there was a lot more mutual attention and chemistry, maybe because we are both single? I don't know if he is, just getting more of a vibe than before.

If it's a no-go, I must try to ignore it but I'd love it if he asked me out. He knows my mob number, but I don't know his obviously. He wouldn't though, would he. Anyway, if anyone has positive stories, let me know, just curious.

Most rural areas are full of old farts, hardly the hotbed of dating.

I haven't told my dentist anything non-teeth related. Why do you think it is important to share all medical history?

You've never been asked to sign a medical history? That's incredible and illegal. We need to know about diabetes, epilepsy, medications taken, allergies, any blood borne viruses, heart conditions etc.

Aunti, are you being thick on purpose ?

The rural question is an interesting one. There are single handed GP in rural areas but it is not very common (usually not one isolated GP). A far greater issue for the GPs/HCPs in this setting is treating friends and family. There is inevitable overlap with social life - almost everyone you interact with is a patient or a potential patient. GPs know this before taking up the jobs. The people who live in remote and rural communities are usually very used to the multiple roles a doctor can have. Confidentiality is sacrosanct and most folk understand that the doctor you see in the pub/golf/out walking is in a different role from the GP you see in the surgery. That being said, the GP can't be on call all the time so there usually are alternative people/locums who family can see instead and use the family member for emergencies. It is an acknowledged difficult area.
Rules about patients still apply and if in unusual circumstances the GP fell for a patient, they would usually have to take a lot of advice from colleagues and the GMC way before entering into anything. Hope that helps!!

I'm a doctor and the problem of single rural doctors, especially GPs, is a genuine one. The GMC have not been v helpful on this particular issue. It's particularly bad as it impacts on recruitment. It's hard enough to get GPs working in these areas, without effectively excluding single doctors.

Thanks, Wooly, for an actually helpful response.

AnyFucker, thanks for reminding me how gratuitously nasty Mumsnet is. I am not being thick, I am being curious about a genuine practical issue which lies outside my - and presumably your super-blinkered - personal experience.

Said doctor never ventures outside of the community he/she works in then ?

Never ?

If it takes two or three hours to get to the nearest town, no.

(We're talking Highlands and Islands here)

In case anybody has forgotten we have rail, road and air contact with pretty much every part of the UK even the most "isolated" places.

Young single people don't tend to pursue employment in those places.

AF- genuinely they may not often. Remote and rural! See above. The island are very isolated and with spread out yet close communities. In worst case scenarios one doctor could cover a geographical area of hundreds of miles. Until recently it wasn't possible to get a ferry to Lewis (one of the larger islands) on a Sunday- so people are hemmed in. Then, if the doctor does venture out and meet someone, and they live together, he/she is then their DPs emergency/nearest doctor too. It's a problem but fortunately remote and rural communities are generally accepting of this. As PP says no really clear cut guidance is available and I can see why, it's a thorny one.

Trust me AF, it is a problem (albeit v small numbers) What is true is that it only affects small numbers of communities. Recruiting HCPs to these regions is a nightmare, as you have alluded to.

Oh ok then, you might marry your doctor or dentist, if there's a population in extreme isolation, in fact he might be your cousin too.... sod it! marry your brother, no one will know or care (falls of the chair laughing)

I know it is a problem with recruitment. I knew a physiotherapist once who did similar coverage of geographical area. She gave it up as it was so isolating and came to a very busy metropolis. It's really not for young, single professionals.

I have the "League of Gentleman" in my head now

I haven't, Noarmani. I don't live in the UK though, so it may be different here.

Well there are large areas with very poor phone reception, never mind mobile internet coverage, so at least the patients won't be able to Facebook their poor dentist from their mobile, as suggested above. Back to the original point. In normal circumstances OP, please back away and think about changing doctor/dentist for your own sake!

I have a place called seaton in mine. very bloody strange. sister had a place there for some obscure reason (she's invigoratingly different)

OP: if he's nice enough to be worth saying, he will be too considerate to romantically approach/accept a patient. If he isn't then you.re best not starting a relationship with him.

i know a Dr who found a patient attractive. Didn't act on it though as it's not allowed.

That must happen fairly frequently Arrowminta. Much like people already in relationships find other people attractive.

I once drove through Seaton

Very quickly, without any stops for a wee/coffee/stretch of the legs

Oh dear...how can so much be said on a non-starter of a topic?

Drs cannot have relationships with their patients. End of.

As for the tale told by a PP ( who says she is a dr) about a dr being chastised for marrying a former patient, I think this was a D Fail story and there was more to it than that if I recall rightly. I think he may have divorced his first wife, or had an affair, or something that made it all rather awkward for all involved. It wasn't straight forward, as in GP asks former patient out years after she stopped being a patient.

quite a discussion now wink! thanks for the may helpful posts.
Self, thanks for quoting GMS, I had no idea that they would be so specific and detailed about this issue shock, it does have a very sobering effect . The only 'softening' is when they talk of former patients but of course with many ifs attached.

The only thing I'd question is this vulnerability concept. As I said, I can see it totally with psychotherapists or doctors who treat serious life threatening conditions, or even GPs who know so much and see patients often. But I can't see how can someone be vulnerable during the infrequent dental check-ups or eye tests, and occasional simple treatments? I don't enjoy either of these check ups, so it's not like getting addicted to anything pleasant or where there is a lot of mental support is involved.

Also they talk about proving whether the ex-patient was vulnerable at the time, but don't specify how to prove it.

Thank you sonja! at least you know what I'm talking about, and I agree it's a no-go really and we can only daydream a bit. I know chances are so small that I'd rather not approach him.

Btw I said many times that his warmth towards me could be just friendliness, I'm not at all thinking he is interested in dating or a r-ship, I feel there is attraction but as people say, anyone could find other people attractive without wanting to act on it.

As *sonja' said, the rules are not as draconian in Spain, and I think in the US, and I ve heard of other euro places - so who is right? the rules may well be too hard here, but that's that.

The poster who told the story of dentist marrying a divorced patient - did his work suffer? Was he perhaps a one-man practice, so no one could report him? I really think they haven't done much wrong, after all they've got married and it wasn't shallow, and I doubt it that she was influenced (or vulnerable) to him while she had some tooth implants fitted!

NoArmani, the point is, at dentist's there is hardly any talk at all, so they don't get to know a patient in same way as GP's, and most people visit rarely. They may see their med history, but some people don't have much wrong with them, so not much to know. While with GP's people sometimes share a lot about family life/childhood/emotional issues etc.

thanks, mamadoctor (sorry can't see the precise username from this page) - I will hope to put it out of my mind.

why are my emoticons not working - again!?