Has anyone ended up dating/in relationship with their long term doctor/dentist?

[beaglesaresweet]

Not a very serious thread meaning I can get over my attraction to the guy, but I keep wondering 'what if'.

I know that in the UK people see it as nearly a crime for a medic to ask their patient out (or respond to being asked), so has anyone managed to go around that? If it helps the guy I'm attracted to in in private sector. I see him only about once a year for check-ups, an odd treatment so it's not like I'm dependent on him for anything serious. I always liked him and felt the chemistry (known him for many years!) but I've been in relationships before, and also I knew he was married. On couple of recent visits, I felt there was a lot more mutual attention and chemistry, maybe because we are both single? I don't know if he is, just getting more of a vibe than before.

If it's a no-go, I must try to ignore it but I'd love it if he asked me out. He knows my mob number, but I don't know his obviously. He wouldn't though, would he. Anyway, if anyone has positive stories, let me know, just curious.

Go for it.

thanks, SelfLoathing, for a thoughtful message. No, of course I'm not sure that it's mutual, and I think you've hit the nail on the head with 'totally focussed on you' - it works hell of a lot more than just good looks or 'look at me ' approach. He's funny too, to boot! It just seemed that the focus on me was after the treatment too in the last couple of times, but of course he may not mean anything at all by that.
I agree it's best to just forget it and not risk losing a good medic for something unlikely (meaning he may be married or not interested anyway). I do feel it's a bit of a shame not to see what may happen. I can't find out whether he's married unless I ask him, there's no ring. But I will mull over your other suggestion, don't think I can be that brazen but I see your point about a brief cringe. Someone could overhear this too - so I'd literally have to run !

Do as SelfLoathing has suggested and report back

Seriously beaglesaresweet, I also know a lot of doctors and not one of them would cross the line and date a patient. With regards to the A&E Doctor, I presume that worked out because he was on a training rotation in A&E and it would be unlikely that the woman would be a regular patient, if she had done so, he would have passed the consultation off to a colleague, again I have'nt ever heard of any doctors even in A&E dating patients, it may happen but is pretty unlikely.

I know a lot of gps too and most are very happily married but don't wear wedding rings for personal reasons. It is very unlikely they would risk their professional career for a patient. Most are very charming and have a good relationship with their patients but are just being friendly to put people at ease and are not flirting.

Self, yes, I know it's not common or done lightly - that's why I said 'no one ever' meaning it's rare, and I didn't mean they'd do it just for a shag - and also that the doctor would suggest that the patient switches to another practice (or the patient switches and then asks out the previous one). I meant of course that they don't CONTINUE to be a patient once there is interest expressed, let alone shagging!
Rosa, any experience with this? but thanks for that unusual opinion!

Doctors are not Gods, they're normal men & women with a responsible job who also like to be fancied & go on dates so to all of the posters who idealise their Drs as being unobtainable due to professional/unethical reasons, I'm sorry, they are not that perfect. As humans our need to love & be loved superceeds all, regardless of profession

Doctors are not Gods,

No one said they were. You only have to look at stories of disciplinary hearings to realise it!

Short point is: if taking action X is in breach of a person's professional code of conduct and risks them losing your job and livelihood, they aren't very likely to do it.

This isn't about morals or ethics. It's about regulatory rules; legal rules to all intents and purposes.

As humans our need to love & be loved superceeds all, regardless of profession

What crap are your talking about? This isn't about love. It's about "can a doctor start a relationship with someone while they are still their patient?" Answer: No.

• you talking

Sweet, yes I know, and I get your point about a&e.
As I explained (before reading your post), I meant that if interest was expressed by either doctor or the patient (verbally), then the prof relationship would cease before any dating starts. I even read that in a dating book (was it even the Rules - granted, American) that if a doctor or a lawyer who works for you is interested, he would suggest you switch to another if he wants to ask you out, so I thought maybe it does happen (but never heard of it in RL from anyone though people would probably not broadcast it, I just have no idea).

They do say in the book - as you do - that of course many doctors are deliberately very charming so not to read anything into it (unless he suggests the above) - I probably wouldn't at all if it was someone new.

I can't find out whether he's married unless I ask him, there's no ring.

You probably could do. Ask the receptionist or someone who works with him. You don't have to say "is he married?"

You could try something a bit more lateral like [eg] "Funnily enough I met a Dr [same surname] last week. Do you know whether Dr [Hot Stuff's] wife is a dr?"

If it's an uncommon surname, try googling. Depending on his level of attainment, he may be in Whos Who etc.

Shoes, yep, my thoughts too - don't they deserve a personal life like everyone lese (if single)? I think it can be done in the right decent way (as described in my prev post) if there is a genuine interest, i.e. to cease prof interaction if asking someone out, but I'm still not sure whether it's 'more right' for a patient to initiate or the doctor. And of course it's fraught with misreading the interest and potential embarassment but in this case again, prof relationship would stop.

Self, the surname is common! (still 'grin' emoticon not working). I could try asking someone else at practice when I buy something from their pharmacy maybe. could be a bit obvious, but I doubt it that they will run and report to him!

but I'm still not sure whether it's 'more right' for a patient to initiate or the doctor.

The chances of the dr initiating it I would rate as very low unless it was a true coup de foudre. In which case it's unlikely either party would have any doubt as to the position or the appropriate way forward (ie. you need a new dr asap)

As I said, the law of averages dictates that this must happen occasionally. But if you've ever seen the film of He's Just Not that Into You - it's the exception not the rule.

I could try asking someone else at practice when I buy something from their pharmacy maybe.

Not that I'm encouraging stalking this man, but probably you can find out his middle initials from the GMC or if he's a consultant his relevant specialist body, then look him up on itrace. If he's on the electoral roll, it will show if there are other people (a woman! or Mrs Dr Hot Stuff) registered at his address. Not entirely fool proof but may assist.

You could just ask him of course.

And actually his reaction to the question may be pretty instructive in and of itself.

Haven't seen the film, though I did read the book. You mean he must be so into you that would have no shadow of a doubt? well theoretically yes, but I don't believe that anyone could be sure until they start dating the person, so it's catch 22, unless they have extraordinary insight. As to marital status, it's not usually known to patients, if no ring. I think when it does rarely happen, it's only with understanding that finding a replacement would be very easy for a patient.

Hmmm. I was in a situation where I had a massive crush on a health professional I was seeing...I was unsure whether he was just professionally charming or interested. In the end it came out. Turned out he did reciprocate, but felt that it would not be ethical for anything to happen, ever, if I changed to being treated by someone else, and we then waited x amount of time. He was right. It's about power.
Although, this was someone I was being seen by quite regularly, not as if it was once a year.
I still wonder what if especially when I have fought with DP

thanks for that advice, Self, I wouldn't really want to go far with all the tracing as it gets you so involved when he may not even be slightly interested. But it's good to have options and then see how I feel about them in a while. Asking him - you know, I really would if I could phone him privately, I'm now not due to see him for many months. But I think phoning the practice and asking them for him to phone me back is going too far? gossip-inducing, and I don't know if the calls are recorded or can be overheard.

I ended up in hospital with an out of control abscess on my front tooth which nearly killed me quite a few years ago and the dentist was absolutely lovely to me, he used to come round and sit with me when off duty, stroking my hair and talking to me (probably felt sorry that he was going to have to stick a huge tube in my face without pain relief a few more times) I developed a bit of a crush on him, who wouldn't, he was gorgeous and his name was Dr William Schaeffer - how romantic.

Butterfly, thanks - not sure what you meant in that sentence. If you switched doctors and then waited some time, it could still not happen - why? or did you not want to change and wait? Sounds like you told him in the end - see I think the only real chance for it to work is for him to initiate as it's him risking things. Unless of course it was psychotherapist, that's too bad as the dependence is very strong and too much power on his side.

With dentists or other narrow physical specialists, it's hardly the power thing. In fact I was considering switching to a woman in the same practice a few years ago as she uses different techniques.

To all those saying doctors, teacher etc can date ex patients and pupils - this actually isn't true. Even if you have left the care of said professional, due to their code of conduct they would have to show that they knew you personally before they knew you in a professional capacity if you were to start dating (otherwise they could get struck off).

This is due to the whole position of power and authority thing. If you met a doctor say and switched to another one before you started to date said doctor, there is no way to know if this was influenced by the fact the doctors is in a position of power /authority over you. This means there would be no way to know if you were pressured into it. It is a very good blanket rule in order to protect vulnerable individuals.

Tinks - what an ordeal! why couldn't you have pain relief? I think in these extrene situations, the mind just tries to grasp at something pleasant to avoid the misery - thank God it was there for you, in the form of a lovely man!

So you've had this crush for years then? Do you make appointments just to see him? Poor man is probably a bit freaked out by now.

Calm, really? but what about long term patients? meaning that if it was due to influence of power, it would have happened years ago, the fact that it's after 10-15+ yrs of infrequent visits, shows that the interest is new? And how could they check whether they met before becoming a patient (wouldn't that be much worse)? I think it's too tough when it comes to doctors who are not treating mental or psychological issues.
Also who would report these things? colleagues from a small practice? surely they wouldn't do that if they knew this was a genuine r-ship and a one off?

no, Tinks, I hadn't had a crush for years- I was in relationships before and I just got on with him well. This started quite recently, within a year. He's not freaked out - he was nicer than ever to me last time and beamed a lot, I was surprised even. I don't flirt in an obvious way. But yes, I know he may not be interested, just likes me in a friendly way maybe.

and I'm shocked at your suggestion of making apps just to see him! I always had the same yearly interval between check ups, any extra ones I only do because he tells me I need them. The reception would question it if they saw strangely frequent apps - and I would never do that anyway horrified.